𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡

𝟔𝟎 | 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

The door to Otto's room creaked awfully. I lurched myself and let them go.

„For God's sake, this half-decayed motel!" I cursed quietly. A soft laugh from the other side responded.

„It's okay, Ria, you can come in," Otto said hoarsely. Surprised by his reaction, I crossed the threshold of the room. My eyes immediately rested on the dark silhouette figure sitting by the open window. Brown-black eyes met mine. A small smirk flickered on our faces together.

„I'm sorry about the noisy intrusion." I closed the door behind me and walked over to my friend. „I just came to see if you were sleeping," I explained. Otto tapped his finger on the free seat next to him. I sat down.

„I realized one thing," Otto said cheerlessly. He avoided my blank stare and turned his head outward. The cold wind pleasantly refreshed our bodies and the bright glow of the moon charged us with energy. The world out there seemed soothing. It gave the false impression that everything was in perfect order.

„What thing, Otto?" I was interested. An uncomfortable feeling started to stick to me. Otto partially laughed and partially wrinkled his face in a painful grimace.

„You warned me, but I didn't listen to you and I dragged myself into a mess..." The friend paused for a moment as if talking in metaphors wasn't dramatic enough anyway. „The disgusting feeling of murdering a man doesn't just go away, does it?" he asked, his voice shaking. In fact, he was shaking as if he wanted to get something out of himself.

He finally looked up. Something in his eyes broke my heart into million pieces. Pieces that immediately stabbed into each other, causing me double pain.

„Otto-" I began, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't say a word, nor form a rational sentence. But I knew I had to say something. My friend expected it from me. But...I couldn't. The tension settled in my throat, preventing words from getting out of my parched mouth. My core was filled with concrete and all the entrails solidified to stone. I couldn't even breathe properly.

You have to be here for him and help him. Instead of that, you're ruining his life.

As if the things I was going through weren't enough, my subconscious was trying to blast me with such thoughts.

I shivered and closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him.

It's true. And you know it.

Shut up, brain shut the hell up! I tried to silence the demons occupying my head.

„You don't have to say anything, Ria," Otto said at last. I opened my eyes, but I still didn't dare to look at him. „I just...I feel so stupid," he admitted openly. Stupid? Why does he feel stupid? „I tried so hard to understand you, I wanted to fit into your world so much until I realized that you didn't want it for me because it's not as amazing as it seems at first glance," he said, what bothered him.

I wanted to fit into your world, I repeated this sentence in my head. Is this really my world? Is it possible to run away from your own world? Will I ever be able to escape it?

„The Mafia isn't just about the money, hot girls, expensive cars, and smoking cigars," he said, placing a special emphasis on the last words. I laughed quietly. It's true that my father also belongs to the stereotypical type of mobster who indulges in expensive Cuban cigars. And he made no secret of this bad habit.

A smile on Otto's lips appeared because I understood his hint. The features of his face softened.

„I don't know why I thought it was like in the movies," he said. He frowned violently. The lump in my throat began to naturally fade. The tension of it started to loosen up and I finally got the feeling that I could talk. The unbearable atmosphere between us disappeared as well and there was no sign of it as if it was carried away by the wind.