For King And Country (not mine)

Winter 1941

New Year's Eve 1940
The parting over Christmas had been hard on them both, and the Captain couldn't help but pour over both letters that he received from his lieutenant. His most recent one was by far a favourite, having arrived only the day before.
Captain,
Thank you for assuring the rest of the Eleven that I'm safe. And thank you for wishing my family and me a relaxing holiday period. I hope things have not been too busy at the house.
Things weren't so bad last year. Though I know things have escalated in only twelve months, I'm sure things can wait for an extra day or two. I would hate for the workload to pile up and for you to try and manage it all before I get back.
Such things should be a two-man job with the number of documents you're in charge of. I hope you'll leave some for my return.
Lieutenant Havers
It was short and sweet and to the point, the way that all their communications had to be.
It was almost lunchtime by now. There was still twenty-four hours to go, and the Captain was feeling the nerves bundling up in his stomach, poking at his insides and making it hard to concentrate. He'd become so reliant on Havers to be alongside him as he worked that his absence seemed to be having a profound effect on him now.
There were a few laughs from downstairs and voices calling to one another. So the Captain used it as an excuse to clamber up from his desk, planning on reprimanding whoever was making such noise.
Everyone had tasks they were meant to be completing. The Captain hardly had time to be telling his officers how to behave.
As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he looked to the end of the corridor and saw the rest of the Eleven gathered at the door, and the Captain's breath left his lungs immediately.
"Come on, you lot, let me in. I have unpacking to do and work to start."
"It's New Year, Havers. Give it a rest. Reporting to Cap can wait. He's neck-deep in documents. He won't come down for hours yet."  He's back early.
"Either way, it's freezing out here! Let me get myself settled, and I'll return to start the celebrations. You best have gotten some decent drink in from the village. I can't abide cheap stuff.
It makes me ever so drowsy."
The Captain forced himself to breathe. There were some chuckles, and the group backed up, letting Havers step into the house and close the door behind him.
The Captain cleared his throat, and the Eleven finally realised he was standing nearby. Havers, being taller than a lot of the group, saw him first.
"Good afternoon, Captain!" He called.
"Afternoon, Lieutenant. You're back a day earlier than expected."
"Yes, Captain. There was a replacement for a cancelled train. I happened upon the information by accident and decided it was best to come back early. There's still work to be done, after all."
"Well, that's very responsible of you. I'm sure we all appreciate it. I assume your Christmas was enjoyable?"
"Very much so, sir."
"Good. Back to your duties, everyone. If you get finished within the next hour, you can have the rest of the afternoon off." The Captain said. "Might I have a word with you before you get unpacked, Havers?"
"Of course, sir." Havers nodded. "You heard the CO. Off you go."
The group dispersed, looking somewhat dejected at having their reunion halted, and the Captain waited patiently for Havers to join him by the stairs. They began walking upstairs together.
"I'm glad that you enjoyed your holiday. Lord knows you deserve it with all the hard work you've been doing."
"It got a little tiresome, if I'm honest, sir. My sister did her best to save up some of her rations to get enough vegetables for a larger meal. I know it's supposed to be good for you, but there are only so many roasted carrots you can eat before you lose your mind completely."
The Captain laughed lightly. "I can imagine. Would you mind stepping into my office while I go over a few things that need your attention after New Year is over?"
Havers agreed, and the two stepped into the Captain's office, closing the door behind them. Immediately, Havers dropped his bag and pulled the Captain close. The Captain wrinkled his nose at the smell of coal smoke fixed to the fabric of the lieutenant's overcoat as they clung to each other.
"I deliberately came back early to surprise you. Ignore how awful my clothes smell for a few moments and be happy to see me," Havers murmured.
"How did you know?"
Havers chuckled and leaned back only to look at the Captain's face. "Because I happen to know you better than you know yourself sometimes."
"You're joking, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were right." The Captain replied. "Did you really come back early as a surprise for me?" "Of course. It's a New Years present."
"People don't give gifts at New Year."
"I do. But only for special people." Havers grinned. "Look, I can't spend too long catching up with you. The others expect me downstairs. Can I come to your bedroom tonight after the noise of my return has settled? 2300 hours as usual?"
The Captain nodded, and Havers pressed a quick, chaste kiss against his cheek before picking his bag up again and making for the door. The Captain turned away, always loathing the leaving.
"Oh, and Teddy?" Havers said.
The Captain looked at Havers, who was smiling at him, with a hand on the doorknob.
"I know I've only been gone a week, but you have no idea how much I've missed you. I'm really happy to be back with you."
"Now, why do you go and say something as sweet as that and then leave me alone for hours on end?" The Captain asked. "What awful manners you have."
"My apologies," Havers chuckled. He let go of the doorknob and decided to close the distance once more. "Would a kiss be sufficient reparations for the offence?"
The Captain pretended to ponder. "More than one might be needed, but you can certainly start now and finish later."
~
When Havers left less than two minutes later, the Captain spent longer than he'd cared to admit tracing his lips and feeling overheated thanks to the frenzy that he had found himself in.
Damn you, William Havers. Damn you to hell.
~
"Marcus was furious to see me," Havers admitted later that night when the two were curled up in bed, turned towards each other and clutching each other tightly. "He got home on Boxing Day. He had to bite his tongue in front of the children, but I could see it in his eyes." "Did he try anything?" The Captain asked.
"No, he was as pleasant as he's capable of. He didn't drink at all. But I did hear him and Louisa arguing one night. I had to keep the boys distracted downstairs. Archie looked like he wanted to go up there and get in between them."
"He sounds like a brilliant young man."
"He's a treasure. Spitting image of me as a boy. He's even started learning to play the piano." "You play?" The Captain asked.
"I could, once upon a time. But I've lost it a little since I joined the forces. It doesn't come as naturally as it used to."
"You'll have to play for me one day." The Captain said. "When we have that home of ours. We'll get a piano, and you can teach me."
Havers chuckled. "I should like that very much." He shifted slightly, and when he settled, he pulled back from the Captain slightly. "Teddy?"
"Yes?"
"It's midnight."
"Goodness, already? We should get to sleep."
"But it's New Year's Eve."
The Captain took a few seconds to realise what Havers was hinting at, and he spluttered. Havers laughed, and the two found their way in the darkness, pressing a clumsy kiss to each other's lips.
The two couldn't help but snicker quietly, trying valiantly to shush each other to avoid capture.
Downstairs, there were cheers and yells as the rest of the Eleven celebrated the start of a new year.
Havers had been the last to return, and just in time for the biggest night of the year, it seemed.
The Captain was honoured that Havers would rather spend midnight with him rather than their
unit.
"That was much better than a kiss in an Anderson shelter, don't you think?" He asked.
"Much better," Havers agreed. "I can't believe it was a year ago already."
"Feels like a lifetime away." The Captain added. "You've aged me, Will."
Havers snorted and held him tighter. "Oh, hush. You love me."
"Can't disagree with that."
~
January 4th 1941
Over the following few days, the Captain began to notice something different.
Havers spent only one night with him since getting back, and he didn't seem to come to the Captain's office as much as he used to. There was a sick feeling in his stomach as he allowed himself time to think about it.
When Havers finally came to the office half an hour before lights out, the Captain confronted him.
"You're hiding something from me." He asked once the deadbolt was drawn across the door.
Havers frowned as he turned. "What a welcome."
"What is it?"
Havers paused, and he took a few hesitant steps towards the Captain. "You must promise not to be angry at me. I was cornered. I didn't know what to do."
"Stop drawing it out. Just tell me!" Havers hesitated. " Will !"
"I technically may or may not be seeing someone back in London. I don't know how these things work."
The Captain recoiled. "You ... what do you mean?!"
"Louisa invited a friend over for Christmas dinner whose husband passed away overseas not long after being drafted," Havers admitted. "She's been dropping hints for a while in letters about this friend, but I didn't realise at the time. It was only when we were introduced at dinner that it occurred to me what was happening. I felt obliged to take her out."
"And you didn't protest?"
"What was I supposed to say?!"
"Anything! Anything other than agreeing to this!" The Captain gestured wildly towards the lieutenant.
"You promised you wouldn't be angry with me!"
"I promised no such thing! Be honest, Will, which one of us is the mistress here?"
"Teddy, hush! Someone might hear!" Havers stepped forward, intending to reach for the Captain's arm.
"No!" The Captain shrunk away. "You swore that we would make a life  together . I didn't realise that included a woman on your arm. I didn't agree to that -"
"I know! I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do! I couldn't think of a reason to say no. It was an ambush! They all would've questioned it! Louisa and Marcus  both  think it's odd that I've never found a woman. It was only one date. A few drinks down at the pub. I walked her home, kissed her on the cheek, nothing more!"
"She'll think you're interested in her. She doesn't know that you're already with someone else. She doesn't know that you're - you're -  inclined another way ."
The Captain knew he was acting petulant, letting his feelings get the best of him. He prided himself on his forward-thinking and practicality. Not this time, though. Not when it came to Havers.
"I'm going to fix it. I'll send her a letter saying that I can't maintain a relationship while on base. I wish I could've told you in a letter. But it would have been flagged by the censors. I only wrote you twice, but I was terrified that they'd read between the lines in the right places, that I'd return to find a stranger in your shoes because they'd dragged you away. I was afraid that I'd lost you forever."
The Captain swallowed hard, knowing that there was more logic and truth in Havers' words than there wasn't. He sighed, dragged his feet over to the window, pulling the curtains across for something to do.
When he was done, he remained looking at the fabric, not wanting to face the lieutenant right now.
Had he made a dreadful mistake in letting things progress this far? Should he not encourage Havers to strive towards a family after the war finished? He knew that he shouldn't encourage anything.
Not really. Things should have remained strictly professional between them.
"Should you fix it?" He asked quietly.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"Is she not a nice girl? Louisa's friend?"
"On the contrary. Elise is a wonderful girl. Very kind, intelligent, funny. And hard to hate."
The Captain inhaled deeply, clenching his jaw and preparing himself for the words. There was an ache in his heart. The cavity that had once made a home out of his chest was beginning to rear its dark and fearful head once again.
"However, I know someone with those exact traits and more." Havers continued. "Someone who is already very dear to me. Who is more suitable for my tastes and who I would prefer to have as my life partner, should he still want me."
It was that that made the Captain's composure crumble for a few seconds. He was still hard to convince in the way of showing how he felt, still keeping his feelings locked tightly in his heart.
It took a sledgehammer to get to them most days. But Havers was always well equipped for the job, and he carried the weight for them both  so  well.
He felt arms around his waist, and that was it. He leant back into it, into the man behind him, and was comforted when a kiss snuck its way onto his cheek.
"He is every bit the brave man I wish I was. Meticulous in his work. Generous. Kind.
Hardworking. A great leader. His name is Theodore, but I call him Teddy. He's ever so soft like a teddy bear, you see. You just have to get past the tough exterior."
The Captain couldn't help but laugh at that, feeling his face warm.
"Will you look at me now?"
The Captain turned in the loop of his second's arms. "You promise that that is the truth?"
"I swear," Havers replied. "I am promised to you. You know that, don't you?"
The Captain nodded. "I'm sorry that I doubted you."
Havers' hand cupped his superior's jaw. "Make it up to me, won't you?"
The Captain knew he was just teasing, of course. He had that cheeky lilt to his voice, that slight turn up of his lips on the left-hand side that was the warning sign of a smirk.
The Captain couldn't help but smile back, and he leant forward, pressing their lips together softly.
Havers relaxed, pulling him forward and deepening the kiss, reassured at his superior's readiness to forgive. He kissed the Captain slowly, lovingly, with great care.
On evenings like this, it felt like they were in another era completely. A safer one for men like them.
A knock on the disrupted them, and they pulled apart, fear visible in their eyes.
The Captain pushed Havers towards the desk, pointing at the papers scattered across it. As the Lieutenant took his seat and slid on a pair of reading glasses, the Captain crossed the room quickly and silently on his toes, able to avoid the creaky floorboards with ease.
He drew the deadbolt back in silence with ease and crossed the room towards the desk again as Havers passed the Captain's pipe to him. In only a few seconds, they had moved in tandem and were respectable as was expected.
The Captain called, "Come!" and within an instant, the door opened to reveal Hughes. The Captain' grit his teeth.
Always interrupting, always at the worst time. It seems to be Hughes' greatest achievement these days.
"At ease, Private." The Captain said. Hughes' stance relaxed. "What can I help you with at this hour?"