For King And Country (not mine)

Present Day

"Right, next one," Alison murmured, shuffling towards the nearest box. She began taking out all the tags and medical tins and the stacks of paper inside, letting the Captain and Havers peek at it.
"Oh, sir, look! It's all our old Christmas pictures!" Havers said, pointing towards the old, black and white images. "Mrs Cooper, could you shuffle through them, please? I wondered where these had all gone. I haven't seen them since I was alive!"
Alison placed all the pictures in front of the soldiers and watched as they poured over the memories in front of them. "You know you can call me Alison, right? It's okay."
Havers flushed slightly. "Sorry, formality is a force of habit."
"When was this one taken, Havers?" The Captain pointed towards an image.
"That must've been '39, about six weeks into being here," Havers answered, smiling at the picture that the Captain had pointed out. "Look, Jeffreys hasn't grown his beard out yet, and Hughes is drinking his first beer."
"That's right, his mother was a very devout Catholic and never allowed him anywhere near a pub! He threw up half an hour later, barely made it to the lavatory." The Captain laughed. "Goodness, I remember that!"
"Wait, there are pictures of you two here," Alison said.
She picked both up and showed them to the ghosts.
The first picture showed Havers and the Captain, sitting on a windowsill together in the main room. Havers eyes crinkled, his mouth slightly open as he laughed, and the Captain's smile was wide. Neither had ties or jackets on, their top buttons undone and shirtsleeves rolled up. It was more casual than Alison had ever seen them.
They both had drinks in their hands, their joy preserved in black and white. It warmed Alison's heart to see the Captain happy. She only ever saw him laugh and smile with Havers and Kitty, and he often kept himself in check when it came to other ghosts.
The second picture must have been a few moments either before or after the laughing had started when Havers was saying something, and the Captain was watching him. Both were still smiling, in the depths of a conversation that they were both passionate about.
On the back of both pictures, in someone's neat handwriting, were the words, ' Our Captain and
Lieutenant Havers, Christmas Day, 1939 .'
"That's the Captain and Havers?" Mike asked, leaning over to have a look. Alison showed them to him. "Which one's which?"
Alison pointed them out to him and put the pictures back in front of the ghosts. "Would you like me to keep these?"
"Please," Havers said. "I had no idea they'd even been taken."
"Neither did I." The Captain added. "It was a very happy first Christmas here if I remember correctly."
"Very happy indeed," Havers confirmed.
"What happened?" Alison asked, smiling as she listened to them reminisce.
The Captain and Havers glanced at each other and the tension began to rise. Alison realised that for a moment, they'd forgotten she was there and could hear them.
"Lots of drunk shenanigans," Havers said eventually. The Captain was staring at the swagger stick in his lap, his knuckles white as he gripped it.
"Sorry, I shouldn't be nosey," Alison said after a moment.
"It's okay, you weren't being nosey," Havers assured. "The rest of the Eleven will be dead by now too, but they're somewhere else without us. It's hard to remember our time with them."
"Well, why don't you keep all of the pictures of the Eleven? I can get a pinboard and put them up for you somewhere if you want?" Alison suggested.
Havers smiled, gratitude in his eyes. "That would be wonderful, Alison. Thank you."
"No problem at all," Alison replied. "Right, is there anything in this box that can be donated?"
~
By dinnertime, half of the attic had been cleared, and Alison was on her final box of the day. She pulled out some papers that were laying at the bottom and put them in front of the Captain.
He reached out as if to try and touch them, a furrow appearing between his brows.
"Everything alright, Captain?" Alison asked.
"Hm? Oh yes, I just forgot about these." The Captain said absently. "They're old reports that never got sent back to London. I was called to Belgium to train up some recruits, and when I returned to the house, they weren't useful anymore."
"You fought in Belgium?" Havers asked. "You never told me that, sir." "It was after you died." The Captain said.
"That's why you disappeared for a while." Havers realised. "You only said you left for another post."
"It wasn't half as exciting as it would've been in North Africa."
A silence followed, and Havers' small smile was forced. He turned away to glance into some other boxes, curious at what was hiding away after seventy years.
Alison frowned. In the back of her mind, she remembered what the other ghosts had said earlier that day.  Something pushed him to leave.  It must be to do with leaving for North Africa.
At the bottom of the box was a small envelope with neat handwriting on the front. Alison picked it up and held it up to the light, trying to decipher it. William.
"Havers, this has your name on it." She said.
Havers turned around, and the Captain's head snapped up. "How strange, what is it?" "I think it's a letter," Alison said.
"It's blueprints." The Captain interjected. Havers and Alison looked at him. "Our project. The blueprints for it."
"The blueprints for that old thing were much bigger than could be fit into an envelope of this size," Havers said.
"They  did  fit." The Captain argued.
"With all due respect, Captain, I drew them myself. I know very well how big they were. They would not have fit." Havers insisted. "And we never came up with a name for it."
"I called it Operation William after you." The Captain admitted quietly, fiddling with his swagger stick nervously. "When you told me that your transfer had gone through. I thought it was a kind gesture."
Havers raised an eyebrow. "You forget that I've known you almost eighty years, sir. I know when you're lying."
"Havers, h-how dare you! To accuse me of lying-"
"Is a fact." Havers finished. "You wouldn't hesitate to tell me the same if I were keeping something from you."
"This is different! You're my second, I'm your CO. It would be my responsibility to make sure there was honesty between us."
"Yes, sir, you're my CO from a war that has been won for close to a century." Havers pointed out.
"And that responsibility to not lie should be mutual. Is this a letter addressed to me?" The Captain was quiet for a few moments.
"Yes."
His answer was so quiet that Alison barely heard him.
"I intended to give it to you before you left, but I couldn't bring myself to hand it over." The Captain said. "I was going to bury it with our project the night you left. It was the only place it was safe. But then you died, and I held onto it for some sentimental reason. I suppose someone found it hidden in my files and put it up here."
"I want to read it. May I?"
The Captain's tough exterior seemed to slide back into place, something that never normally happened around Havers. He stood a little straighter, took a deep breath and nodded curtly. "Only if you promise me one thing, Havers."
"What is it?"
"Do not read it in front of me."
"Whyever not?" Havers laughed. "It can't be that bad, surely!"
"Just promise me."
"I promise," Havers said. "Alison, when we go downstairs, could you open it and leave it in my room for me, please?"
"Of course," Alison said. "I'm sure whatever's in it is nothing to worry about anymore. Probably wartime stuff."
"Probably." Havers agreed though Alison could see he didn't believe it any more than she did.
She had never seen the Captain so worked up before, and it unnerved her. He was usually so calm and collected, and seeing him uncertain and almost frightened worried her.
But to give them all an excuse to be distracted from the sudden and very real anxiety in the room, Alison changed the subject.
"Captain, can any of this go?" Alison asked.
~
Alison left the letter for Havers in his room, open and face-up on the bedside table. She had to force herself to not read it.
As she returned to the other ghosts, she found them doing their usual nighttime activities and getting ready for film club. Tonight was Kitty's turn, and she was ecstatic to be watching the Wizard of Oz with all of them.
The Captain was sat by the window, deathly silent and staring off into space. He was no doubt thinking about whatever was in that letter. Havers were nowhere to be found, which worried Alison. He never missed film club. Especially not when it was Kitty's night. They get on especially well.
"Right, are we ready to start?" Mike asked.
"Wait, not everyone is here!"
"Havers is a little busy right now, Kitty. He might be back later on, but if he isn't, I'm sure he'll make it up to you tomorrow." Alison reassured.
"We can wait for Havers if that's-"
"Yes, let's!" Kitty's voice drowned out Mike's as she excitedly sided with him. "He loves film club!"
"Captain, do you know where Havers is?" Pat asked over his shoulder.
"And why are you not sitting with us?" Humphrey asked.
"Oh, he's in one of his funny moods, leave him be." Julian dismissed.
"I'm not in a funny mood, Julian. There is nothing even  remotely  funny about-"
"Evening, everyone. Sorry, I'm late." Havers entered the room, looking exhausted and dishevelled.
"Don't worry, Havers, we haven't started yet," Alison explained. "Kitty wanted to wait for you." "How kind." Havers smiled. "It's Kitty's turn tonight, isn't that right?" "We're watching Wizard of Oz!" Kitty told him excitedly.
"Wonderful, I love that movie!" He said. "Judy Garland is just incredible as Dorothy, don't you think?"
"She's perfect!" Kitty agreed.
"You know, when the film was originally released, it was about two months after the war started. Someone in the local village got a copy of it from a friend and we watched it before some of the other officers went home for Christmas. Do you remember, Captain?" Havers said, wandering towards the TV and looking for a spot to sit.
"Hm?" The Captain finally started paying attention to what was going on in the room again. "Do I remember what?"
"When the Wizard of Oz was released."
"Yes, you got ahold of it from someone in the village. Most of the Eleven watched it for different reasons than I did, but I found I rather enjoyed Judy Garland as Dorothy." "As did I." Havers agreed.
There was a beat of silence before he sat down in front of Kitty on the floor. Alison frowned for a moment, unsure if she was just reading into things too much. The ghosts had an easy ability to confirm each other's stories better than they could recite their own.
But there was something about how Havers and the Captain both mentioned Dorothy that seemed like something secret, like something old and precious to them both.
Not wanting to embarrass or draw attention to them, however, Alison turned back to the TV and tried to ignore it.
~
Havers' hands shook as he read the letter. Even though he couldn't pick the paper up, he couldn't stop himself from having the reactions he would've done if he had been alive.
The Captain had been so embarrassed and ashamed admitting that the envelope contained a letter. Havers could see it in the way he refused to look the lieutenant in the eye. The Captain had never been one to shy away from looking at Havers. He was always looking.
Havers daren't say anything though, knowing just how much his superior would hide away if he was forced into confronting the things that he had spent over a hundred years hiding.
But those years, both from life and death, were beginning to take their toll on Havers. He was tired.
And he was worn. He didn't know how much more desperate praying he could do to bring his Teddy back to him before he lost all hope.
Sometimes Havers felt like he was far too obvious, no matter how much he tried to conceal it. Pat and Julian were more modern than anyone else, so they were more likely to know. And Alison ... well, she was something else.
There was still the shame and fear that came with growing up inclined towards other men in the early twentieth century. It made his head hurt sometimes, the thoughts too heavy and the worry weighing him down.
Havers could help but think of the wedding that had been held at Button House, and how much love had overwhelmed him as he watched the Captain get so excited and involved. His instincts had kicked in, wanting to give everything he'd never had to the people who were just like him and Havers.
The Captain, perhaps unintentionally, had kept well away from Havers for the entirety of the day, and it  had  hurt.
But Havers knew it was easier to accept others than it was to accept yourself.
Havers could hardly blame him. He had tried to run away from his heart's calling, too. He'd died before he'd had the chance to follow through with it.
He forced himself to focus, easily deciphering his commanding officer's neat, looping handwriting.
His eyes scanned the words, and when he was done, his hands began to shake.
Havers sunk to his knees, feeling the weight of the words in his heart.
Oh, Teddy. You hopeless romantic.
He ran his hands through his hair, gripping it tightly and feeling the hot sting of tears behind closed eyelids.
The Captain had been holding onto this letter for decades, knowing that they were together in death for the foreseeable future, and had never mentioned it.
All these years, all these decades, thinking that the Captain had hidden from himself so much that he'd never grieved for what had been lost.
Havers had assumed for a while that the Captain had moved on when he disappeared from the house for a while. He had thought that the war had forced any cherished memories from his mind, that he was too different now to ever be brought back.
And even now, even seven and a half decades since Havers had felt that exploding pain in his stomach, he still didn't know where they stood. He still didn't know if his assumptions were correct.
The Captain may have been the one to initiate the distance between them, but Havers had a hand in maintaining it. Their shame and fear were some of the few things they struggled to let go of. He could hear moving around and knew it was time for film club.
The Captain had not come in search of him to logic his way out of the situation as he usually would. He seldom did come after Havers if memories were brought back to him.
Memories were more painful for him than being parted from his second.
Havers would pull himself together and return downstairs to his friends, then.
And he would smile for them to hide the day's events from seeping into his features. They loved him for his ever-present happiness. He would smile especially for Kitty, whom he cared for dearly, and he would confront the Captain once the film was over.
The lieutenant made his way downstairs and apologised for his lateness, and took the opportunity to drop a hint about his inclinations to his captain, feeling accomplished when he got a reference in return.
He hoped that the slang term regarding Dorothy was not a forgotten memory in the Captain's mind.
But he found, as he settled in to watch a film, that he felt better knowing how the Captain viewed their parting. At least he had not been the only one whose heart had been broken.
And as long as they were in this house together, they were frozen in time. While they were at home, they were in the perfect centre of their past and their future all at once.
Havers was determined to stop their endless game of cat and mouse about their feelings. He would not be the one to add another year to the counter.
And as Judy Garland sang about blue skies being just over the rainbow, he felt optimistic for the first time in seventy-five years.