Silenced

15 | True Nature

A.N: major edits conducted over the course of my hiatus, mostly from 10-14. If something doesn't exactly make sense, you might want to reread the biggest chapter reworks 10 & 14.

___

Soundwave was silent as the dead as he watched the rather awkward exchange between Arcee and Optimus Prime, though his mind was elsewhere. He could still feel the inexplicable rush of adrenaline pumping through his fuel lines as he crushed that Vehicon's cables and stole their spark, their shocked and agonized cries making him have to stifle a laugh of hysteria. Soundwave clenched down on his denta, uncomfortable with himself.

When had he ever been so blood-thirsty?

In all his limitless years, after the brainwashing and fabricated memories took place, a lust for battle had never once occured to him. He was always composed, reasonable, and an obedient puppet to Lord Megatron. He'd never once tried to live for himself. Yet now, so many confusing and intense emotions resided within him, and it was giving him a headache.

Soundwave's expression contorted into irked frustration as he lifted a suddenly heavy servo to his pounding helm; dipped downwards and facing the floor. The Autobot's incessant talk recounting recent events did no favors to ease the stress-caused ache in his throbbing helm. He curled his free servo into a severely tightened fist, teetering on the brink of malfunction from his current mental situation.

Soundwave never before needed to push forward the effort in keeping a straight face when a visor covered his entire faceplate. It was an excellent feeling to get away with stealing dirty glances at others, or the occasional disgruntled expression at Starscream's antics, for instance. However, he could allow not but a smidgen of his emotions get the better of him and his actions, so consequently ignored the vast majority of interactions that would bring out such meaningless feelings.

Now, sorely lacking in any experience of the emotional sort, and having no set rules or orders to go back on and follow as he always had--for once; Soundwave was completely unaware of what to do with himself.

Is this how he'd lived before? Freely expressing his emotions, his wants and desires--his anger--all without having to hide behind a mask? Without any self-control...?

"Soundwave."

The Ex-Decepticon flinched at the sound of his designation being called, pulling his servo away from his faceplate while straightening his posture as he slowly raised his helm to meet the Prime's gaze.

"How are you?" Optimus questioned, concern lingering on the edge of his voice.

Soundwave stiffened at the inquiry, feeling his jaw tighten at the already uncomfortable air thicken even further as everyone's optics in the space fell onto him.

This concern for his well-being was unlike that on the Nemesis, and made a strange and foreign feeling bubble up from the depths of Soundwave's chest. Megatron regularly made sure his Chief Communications and Surveillance Officer was in respectable shape, and yet...his concern never penetrated deeper than that of a superior reflecting his dignity and pride by use of his soldier's outward appearance. However, Soundwave did not recieve that same type of feeling from the Prime's tone. Rather than his phsyical state, they were asking what Soundwave felt inwardly, which made the former Leiutenant shiver from just the thought.

"--I am functioning." Soundwave listlessly replied, glancing down coldly to his energon-soaked servos, and torso, and...

Oh.

"However, I would not reject--a way to clean off this residue..." Soundwave added, finally back to reality and his usual self, the anxiety from before melting away from his mind as if it were never there.