Love Misconduct

Chapter Twelve

This is it. Today is the day that I choose between Gabe and Jeff. I try to be calm and collected, but it isn't working. I do not feel like doing this, but it's the only way I can. I haven't decided if I tell them together, or one at a time. I guess it will all fall into place in a couple hours.

Either way I'm flying back to Colorado with Gabe tonight. Our vacation is officially over once we step foot on the plane. This afternoon I will be flying home with either a happy Gabe or a quiet one.  I take a deep breath as I think about it. This is going to be very difficult, especially if I don't choose Gabe. The tension between the two of us will be unreal, and I can't handle losing him.

Then comes Jeff. The adorable, dimple-faced, brown eyed boy that makes me feel like I'm a little school girl again. But the problem with Jeff is I don't know if what I feel for him is real, or if it's just another crush. The fact that I've known Gabe longer is a disadvantage on Jeff's part, but something about Jeff makes me feel happy. But again, the fact that I don't know what I feel for him comes into place, and I can't date him if I don't know where my feelings stand for him. That wouldn't be fair to him whatsoever.

I'm standing at a crossroads, and I still don't know which path to take. There's always the choice of going the road alone, but I know that won't end well. Especially when I've been leading both of these boys on for the past month, I just can't say 'no' to both of them after what they've done for me. They have both made me feel wanted and loved. I can't throw their affection back in their faces and just walk away. I know I already have to break one of their hearts, but the chance of breaking both of them I could never live with.

Then I ask myself the most important question: who do you see yourself marrying one day?

I'm not going to lie, but that question scares me quiet a bit. Maybe due to the fact that I am only twenty-years old, a sophomore in college, and I'm still uncertain about what to do for a career after I graduate.

Then I ask myself another question: how will you make your relationship work with Jeff? Will you change your whole entire life for one guy?

Touche, brain...

That question haunts my mind. Of course I would have to change my life if I chose Jeff. He plays for the Carolina Hurricanes, in North Carolina, on the other side of the country. What will I do about school? What about my friends and family? I didn't think this through at all. I would be leaving everything behind if I choose Jeff.

Then I ask myself one last question: which one do you really, REALLY love?

I'm stumped. Who do I love? I guess I could say I'm in love with both of them, but I know being in love with two people won't get me anywhere. I decide to write down a list of what I love about both of them. First I start with Jeff.

Jeff Skinner.

1: He is absolutely adorable.

2: He has a great personality.

3: He's caring.

4: He has dimples.

5: His captivating smile.

I tap my pen against my chin, trying to think of more reasons to add. When I cannot brain storm up any more, I go onto Gabe.

Gabriel Landeskog.

1: He's my best friend.

2: He's always been there for me.

3: His blue eyes pull me in every time.