Counting on you (Suicidal Ash)

A mistake

After staying in for a couple of more hours inside just drowning in what felt like emptiness, I decided to actually stand up and walk out of the pokemon center. It was quite simple. There was nothing that was holding me back and my things were there too. All I had to do was walk outside.

I can't bother her any longer.

She is busy anyways.

But...

Leaving like this would make her worry.

I was really happy that there was a pair of cloths that looked like the cloths I wore back when I was here but it was definitelly my size. This only meant that she did recognize me. Not only that but I still remembered the fight. Back then I lost with Greninja at my side and it was not only that but now I knew why. It was me who was lacking and not him. Without me he might have been able to be on the top. There was really nothing I could say about that. There was also no wonder that he decided to go and leave my side.

It all makes sense now.

There is no need to stay here any longer.

Let's see.

A note.

That is what I should do.

Let's just say I needed to go urgently.

Yeah....

Let's say that.

At first I started to look for something to write and then for a pen but I didn't find anything like this in the room at all. This room was an empty room after all. So I headed downstairs and carefully watched my ways to not bother her but also to leave so no one would notice.

Ah... funny how sneaking around is my speciality.

I can't believe I was soo stupid all this time.

At least not for long.

I am not worth it.

I am sick of it.

I don't want to feel like this and continue.

It was guilt, sadness and emptiness that I felt. There was nothing worse than feeling like this. It was as if the whole world didn't matter, not even my life. In fact I would have gladly given up my own live and wouldn't regret it at all. There was just nothing that I wasn't willing to do anymore since I didn't had the will to continue.

I would find a way to end this for sure.

BUT!

Not here.

If I would kill myself in a pokemon center then I would definitelly bother Sister Joy and not only that but she would need to explain to the police and to everyone else why there was someone who commited suicide. How would she even feel seeing me after she tried her best to get me back on my feets? That reminded me, I still didn't know how long I was out... did that even matter at this point? No. Nothing mattered anymore.

What would Greninja think about me?

...

Am I really questioning myself this?

He decided to leave me in time when he had the chance too.

There is no way he would come back to someone like me.

No.

I don't think it was him who saved me.

It might be another one.