You're back, Mari

Chapter 19: Face Reality

(A/N: PLEASE READ!!!!:

I am not a licensed therapist!!! I am 19 years old!!! I wrote a therapy scene this chapter, but its based off of my own experience! I've been to three different therapists over the course of five years, and yet I still cant really write a therapist accurately. so please don't take it too seriously–its being used for plot;;;
I've realized after writing this chapter (which is pretty late to realize, oopsies) that I've been subtly working through my own issues while writing this fic. apparently there was a lot of shit I hadn't worked out that I just suppressed (ironic) and didn't realize. of course writing is always dramatized, though. this isn't meant to be an accurate portrayal of mental illness; a lot of the breakdowns these characters have are pretty similar to stuff I've been through–with of course very different circumstances. but I now realize I was kind of venting with this fic...so I'm sorry if its clouded the story at some points. if I went back and rewrote the fic, I would probably change a lot of things.

but anyways, if you're ever struggling, please reach out for help! find a way to talk to somebody, even if you think its not serious! i can say with certainty that I would not be here today without support from the people around me, even if I really hated it at the time. as someone whos struggled with very dark and intense things, it can and will get better! if I can get better, anybody can;;;;; (and recovery is different for everyone–dont be discouraged if people around you get better at a faster rate. it took me a really long time to come back fully from my break from reality, while some people get better in weeks or a few months)
we're getting close to the end, so maybe I'm just being kind of sentimental. ill either have a long speech at the end of this fic or a one-liner. no in between.

anyways with that out of the way enjoy the chapter! its way too long.)

"That's...about it." Basil wrung his fingers, avoiding eye contact.

Sunny stared at him, a cacophony of emotions making him dizzy. There was pity, sympathy, confusion, sadness...and something else.

Sunny clenched his notebook. So Aubrey and Kel heard all of that, and...didn't even tell him? Didn't even give him a heads up before he read Basil's notebook? They wouldn't even have to tell him Basil's history–just warn him about what he would find in that damned notebook.

And why weren't Aubrey and Kel here now? Where were they? Why did they let Sunny confront Basil alone? Don't they remember what happened last time? Did they have that much faith everything would work out?

"You...look mad...?" Basil smiled, but it was far too unsettling.

Sunny looked up, warily watching Basil. He had to be careful here, didn't he? Basil had made it clear his worst fear was Sunny hating him. If that fear came true, then what would Basil do? Sunny tensed his body, preventing himself from visibly shaking.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Focus.

He opened them, breathing out. The slight dizziness faded, and Sunny realized it had been Omori waiting to come to the forefront. Sunny knew that wasn't a good idea. Omori wouldn't know how to handle this. Sunny didn't know how to handle this.

...

He needed to step back.

He could barely handle his own emotions, so in what way could he help Basil? The most he can do is be present and forgiving, but that was too much right now. Being around Basil right now was hard. Because Sunny was confused.

He was so, so confused.

And he couldn't fix this. It wasn't something to be fixed. It's way more complicated than that, but Sunny didn't have enough mind to process it. He was still trying to accept himself.