Words Never Spoken

18. Dear Father

Dear Father
It's Ella
I know it's unexpected
But please be sitted
I have to tell you something
And I beg please don't blame yourself.

It's Dark outside
But what scares me is the look in his eyes

I was wearing a  sky blue gown
I don't know why I felt lucky that night
It must be the weather I thought

What could be so special about a ball night
That's until I saw  him
Tall, lean and confident strides as if he owned the ball
Maybe he did,

He was surrounded by all the ladies, mamma's waiting to introduce their daughters
He was after all a sight to be seen
I was there all the time
Hiding behind the pillar
I don't know what made him glance my way
I next thing I knew he was looking at me
Actually looking at me
I didn't get to acquaintance with him that night
But trust me I felt special that night.

I have been feeling dizzy since a while now
We called for  a doctor
And just like that we were expecting a child
I was thrilled that day
But terror was there too
I feared something bad might happen.

Mrs Merry's ball
All the rich people of town where going to attend it
We went their too
You remember right dad?
So was he
Charming as ever
This time he did approach me
We danced all the evening
And  when it was time to bid
I was all smiles

I don't remember much
We were standing near the stairs
I didn't liked the curtains
They seemed dull
I wanted to change them
Definitely when  for once, I was  looking forward to something in my life
There would colours and colours in the house,
so I hoped.

I liked him dad, I loved him
He was charming
He said he would love me as his soul
He said he would treat me like queen
Soon those evening teas and walks changed into something deep and meaningful.
It was raining when he came to our castle that night
He asked for my hand
I was above the moon that night
Just like that we were married.

My head hurts
There is a cloth wrapped around my head
It's hurting all over I feel sick
I don't want to live.
It was in afternoon when I finally gained consciousness
I knew something was wrong
That day I realised I lost the only hope of my life, my child.
He said he was sorry
He should have catched me when I slipped from stairs
He said he was really sorry
I believed  him
What choice I had
When I knew I was steady on my feet that day
I didn't slip but what else could have happened
He won't have pushed me right?

I loved you dad and I always will
But I don't think I wish to live anymore,
He burnt all the letters that you sent , all of them
I came to know today only
His favourite crockery slipped from my hands
It's dark out side
But it's the look in his eyes that scares me.