Burn it after midnight.

Chapter 7: I Let Her In My Veins, Trust Her With My Life.

TW: Mentions of drug abuse/physical abuse/trauma. 

"Steve"

"It's Saturday fuck off" He mumbled. He'd kinda forgotten Eddie had stayed over, in his bed, after he'd fucked him senseless the night before.

"I know it is, but I brought you coffee"

Steve stirred slightly from under the duvet, pulling it off of his head he glared at Eddie with one eye.

"Wow, okay someone isn't a morning person" He laughed, sitting on the bed and handing Steve a mug of coffee who mumbled a 'thank you' and took to sipping some of it before placing it on the nightstand before burying his face into the pillow again. It smelled like Eddie, like cigarettes and pine trees and something else he couldn't place. "Do you have anything to do today?" He leans over, playing with some of Steve's hair.

"Some work for school" He still wasn't fully awake yet "Gotta-" he yawned rubbing his eye and rolling onto his back "I dunno I have lists" he shrugged.

"Are there any super important things?" Eddie crawls back into bed beside Steve, lying on his back he rests an arm under his head and looks over at Steve.

"Nah not really" He rolls onto his side and throws his leg over Eddie's waist, resting his head on his chest.

"You wanna go get breakfast with me?"

Steve's quiet for a minute... thinking... is Eddie asking him on a date?

"I wanna talk to you about what you said last night first"

"What did I say?"

"That you have a big fat crush on me but you don't do feelings"

"Oh... that" Eddie could feel his cheeks burning.

"I'm not willing to get hurt Eddie" He began "If I'm honest I've been harbouring a big fat crush on you too" He licked his lips, head still resting on Eddie's chest, not looking at him. "And I'd... like for it to maybe be something more but if you're just looking to screw around then you should probably find someone else to do that with because I want more than that and I refuse to let myself be dragged around by someone that can't decide what he wants. I know what I want" Steve rolls over so that he's leaning on his elbow, looking at Eddie.

Eddie can't meet his gaze.

"Steve..." He sighed, looking defeated "I'm not good at like relationships and stuff" Steve stared "I just... the last one was an absolute train wreck and I... was never really good at them before I'm just not made for them I always end up screwing it up or getting hurt or walked out on and I'm just tired of it and this is just... easier for me"

"That's fine" Steve said "But don't expect me to answer the door next time you show up" He shrugged, starting to sit up.

"No Steve, wait I just... I meant it when I told you I liked you, I don't--" He grunted in frustration, pressing his palms into his eyes.

"What happened?"

"What?" He removed his hands

"What happened last time?"

Eddie shifted uncomfortably under Steve's gaze. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he was going to speak but then didn't. Steve just waited patiently.

"Uhm" Eddie could feel the tears burning at the back of his throat "I was seeing a guy for a while, maybe like a year, he was still in the closet and shit, but then he came out to his family and friends and they disowned him, so we got a place together, in Indianapolis" He looks sad. "We were together for two years in total, I was twenty one by the time it ended he uh... got really into drugs, but not just smoking weed or a little bit of coke here and there. Really hard shit, he was doing oxy all the time then he moved on to just straight up doing heroin" The tears were really threatening to spill, Eddie sniffed "Had to take him to the hospital a couple times when he OD'd, it was really hard cos I was only twenty, hadn't been moved out of home that long, I'd been around drugs a lot as a kid that's why the state sent me to live with my uncle cos it was safer than being around my parents who were addicts too. Anyway he used to come home fucked all the time, I tried to get him to get help, get him clean, but he'd just get angry, used to throw a lot of shit, hit me, it'd end in fights and me trying to restrain him, he smashed a bottle over my head once and knocked me out cold, woke up in a pool of my own blood and had to drive myself to the emergency room... yeah that was fun... would force me to do shit I didn't want to do, used to... say the most awful things to me, that's kinda why I froze up a bit last night I guess it just reminded me of when he used to say stuff like that to me and actually meant it y'know?"