The Cathabella Diary | Novella

30.01.22

The office closed today after all the employees and clients had been attended to. My heart felt extremely heavy. And today also was the day I had to finally confront Aly on the subject of our transference to Singapore. Not telling her till now was perhaps a huge mistake – I had been thinking... and I was right.

When I returned home after the closure at six, I saw her sitting in the backyard, in the back porch, and she had been reading a book. She was surprised to see me at that hour. Of course, I go to my business before nine in the morning and return back after midnight every day. "Hey! You're back home?", she asked me. She seemed calm, I suppose. I always see her with a gloomy face. Lord! I still can't recall when we had a merry time for the last time.

"I had something to tell you, hon", I said to her. 'Face is the index of mind'. Dope! She could sense something from my face only.

She looked worried. She got up, put down the book on the arm-chair, crossed her arms and asked me to speak out whatever it was. I told her everything. Right from the beginning of the recession to how it had been breathing down our neck for over a month and then how it finally snapped us. I also told her that the company was down for a while and we were shifting to Singapore.

Though I hoped she would get pissed and yell at me for not telling her anything, a part of my mind was stressing upon me to believe in the old Aly. She would come to me, take my hand into hers, tell me that it's okay and she was ready to be with me, and then we would lock in an embrace. I crave for that old Aly so badly – when we were still newly-weds, or even when we were in college. Back then, I had just settled down on my enterprise and I could give her enough time. Those were the time when we were far from day-to-day rants and fights. Life had been so tough on us for a couple of years. But yes, I was definitely wrong. The old Aly had already been cast out.

"You kidding me?", she asked me sharply.
"What?"

"All of this shit and you didn't bother to take a shit to tell me anything about it? And now that it's all done, you take an opportunity to tell me all this? What the— What the hell do you think of me? A puppet for your plans? Since when did you start treating me like that?... Oh yes! It has been forever, right?... And Singapore?! Who in the world you know there? How are we gonna settle down so soon?"

"Oh Aly, please calm down. Try to understand me... Please!"
"When is it that we are gonna move?"

I sighed. "Within two days. I have informed the movers. We will start packing from tomorrow".

"You shitting me?". Her voice was louder. "You know you are also a father, right? Think of Nancy atleast... For God's sake! We will be moving in a day or two. You say we're gonna start from the beginning. Oh really? You want to see your daughter struggle to cope with it at such a tender age... When her term is yet to end? From Perth to Singapore. That's hell of a transition, George! It's not only going to fall on us but on her too". She was yelling at me now. I was trying to hold back my annoyance. I told her that she and Nancy could stay back until her term ended. I can try to settle down and then call them up.

"Oh yes, that's what we gonna do. Obviously, we are already nothing but just two liabilities to you". I scoffed. "As if we don't even matter to you. When had you even got some time for your daughter, huh? Yes, you're right. We should live without you... and not till the end of the term. But forever."

"What the hell do you mean?". I was angry now; on the verge of an eruption.

"You heard that right, daddy. Mommy wants a divorce from you!". My heart sank back. A chill ran through my spine. I felt as if my knees would crumble under the weight of my heavy heart. I kept staring at her for a while. I couldn't believe what she just said.

"Divorce? For fuck's sake, have you—have you lost your fucking mind?", I asked her with anger and shock.

"No, for fuck's sake... I haven't. I ain't taking this shit no more! I am just tired of trying to stitch it all together... To gather the strings and tie 'em up. But you never seem to be bothered about it, George". There were tears in her eyes. I could also feel my eyes dampening. "All you care about is your business and your money. We don't matter anyway to you anymore. The George whom I loved, the man I married – he's gone. You are just a man whose heart has sunken and has been replaced by a dead weight!". She burst into crying and picking up the book, started walking off into the house. "And it's me who's gonna have Nancy's custody!", she screamed out as she left.

I was shaken to the core. As if as a befallen curse, I couldn't feel my heartbeat anymore. Even when I am writing this right now, my hands are shaking. Speechless and dejected, I sat down on the chair with my face buried into my palms. I was crying – after so many years. As a businessman there can be many occasions where you may break down but I had always been a tough man. There wasn't even a single drop of tear in my eye when I had heard about our bombed venture. But now I was weeping. Aly meant everything to me. I loved her more than myself. I loved her since the day I had met her for the first time. She and Nancy were my life and world. I wanted to scream and shout and let her know that what she thought of me was ridiculously crazy and unjustified. Each word of it. I worked hard, I couldn't give them much time, yes... But that was all for them, for their good. All of which mattered to me were them. I wanted to scream it to her.

Glancing up, I realized she was already gone. I rushed into the house and then ran up to our room. She was sitting on the bed, with the book opened in her hands. She wasn't reading. She was sobbing. I knelt down in front of her, took her hands and asked her for a second chance. Give me a chance to be the man she wanted. She refused. She said she has made up her mind. She had lost her faith on me.

"Aly, please. I can't live without you!"

"Listen to me". She looked calm now. "I am gonna give you three months. Take your time to settle down in Singapore but Nancy and I won't be leaving with you. When you get the time, you come back here and we are gonna meet the lawyer and get this done. Okay?". What the hell I could possibly say? I was gawping at her with disgrace. She asked me again and a 'Yes' slipped out of my mouth on its own. Perhaps, I am too scared by now. I don't think I am going to have a sleep tonight.

I can't live without them.