The Cathabella Diary | Novella

31.01.22

I was right after all. A sleep didn't come to me all night until five in the morning (Why did it come then though?!). I was woken up by Alex's call at about seven. They had emptied and sold the left-overs and today he left for Singapore. We have closed maximum branches in Australia while still leaving some so that we won't lose touch with our job back here. We have gone low-profile by now.

Alex is just a year older to me but the maturity he possesses is quite amazing, I believe. Both of us had pinned our luck on stocks at the same time. It was me who found the company twelve years back and then he joined me as my co-partner. A calm, taciturn man at his best, there was only one thing that had been insinuating me about him. He had married twice. Not that it's exactly bad but I really think his first wife, Perry, was too wise a woman. The best fit for him. They had met each other in the field of work and what happened next year was that they got married. It was eight years back; two years after my marriage.

I was really happy for them. Perry was so nice. I can't remember if she ever had some brawl with someone. She was always smiling and was really friendly. Her humility was her sophistication – I should say. But they divorced within two years. I couldn't believe it. Perry never deserved it. Okay, I have never had any feelings for somebody else apart from Aly but I was a fan, literally a fan of Perry. She was not exactly pretty but she had a beautiful heart – and that's what I loved about her.

But the cause of their separation was not Perry. Not even Alex. He was an extravagant man who believed in the lavish while Perry was a simple, humble woman who had seen poverty in her childhood and was always cautious and contemplative about their business and her husband. Not anyone's fault; they just couldn't get along well. Their love blossomed too soon and the season also went past likewise. All I got to know was Perry was five months pregnant by then and now she lives in California, raising her child as a single mother. The woman he married again was nothing but a ritzy who cared only for money.

The reason why I am writing all this down is – I am afraid. All this day I have been brainstorming about different scenarios and situations, trying to analyse what happens after we separate. Trying to collect ideas from whatever I have seen in my life. Be it also my parents.

Anyways, with Alex gone, I know I have to fly soon. But I don't want to. The thought of leaving my wife and my child forever and shifting to a new country alone – physically alone after a long time – wasn't going down my throat. Honestly, I feel so depressed. When I woke up in the morning, there was such a sudden feel of guilt. I was cursing myself... I am now. Out of all questions around, there's only one question that has been hovering over my mind constantly – Whose fault it actually is? I know I am doing what I should do. Then why is it happening to me? This is justice to whom?

Getting out of bed, I walked to my girl's room. She was awake and was just sitting on her bed. I went in and took her in my arms playfully. This was after days I spent some quality time with my daughter. There was a smile over my face all the time while I had been crying from within.

Nothing substantial happened the whole day apart from some grim gazes from my wife and sweet playtime with Nancy. When I would sit idle, I would think of old times and ponder over Aly's decision, perhaps frowning over it all the time. I skipped this day to think about my forthcoming trip to Singapore. Honestly, I don't have the courage. But I know I need it tomorrow. I feel so much on the edge right now.