Moments I felt alive

A flicker of change

I feel a change

I feel a thing being different.
Everything is different.

I see no blur and I smell no smoke.

I see no black and white. I just see the artistic existence of life before my eyes and it's normal and not colorless. It's not faint or pale. It's not blurry or swallowed in the dull of shadows.

Every edge in my figure and every bit of my essence, I feel it growing and blooming. Changing. Every cell in my brain. Every breath I let in and out, every step I take..

It's not the same, but it's better and it's moving forward.

I feel the legs that used to run on rough surfaces walking again.

I'm back to walking again.

It's a soft surface and I'm taking calm steps. Fearless steps and there's no traces of pain beyond them.

There's no stains of agony wherever my feet print and I dare to hope I keep walking.

I feel the passage of time and I see it on my face and feel it in me as the earth I live on is going on and on in the nonstop cycle along with the expanding universe my soul exits within.

I'm alive and time is passing, my heart is healing and my soul is moving in it's orbit.

I'm not surviving anymore, because I've started to live.

I still close my eyes in the middle of the night and I remember the nights and the days I felt like drowning. I sigh and open my eyes to the reality and the moment I live in because I've learned to find the surface.

And maybe..
Just maybe there's a flicker of hope that I'll keep floating on the surface.

Maybe I don't have to drown and suffocate under surfaces anymore.

I feel the thorns loosening around my heart to let the bleeding stop.

Maybe I won't bleed anymore.
Maybe I'll live..

"To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people just exist."

Dearest oscar,
I'm trying.

I'm trying to live.

Not survive. Not exist. I'm living.

I'm alive,