holes fanfics

If Only, If Only

By Kinniepryde on tumbler

Summary :

This is but a simple Holes (1998) fanfiction. It’s just the events that take place in chapter 22 where Stanley teaches Zero the alphabet, but from Zero’s perspective. As a personal challenge, I tried not to change any dialogue or change any behavior on Zero’s part or Stanley’s, just added things where it wouldn’t fundamentally change the original text. And so we begin. 

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He wasn’t really sure why he dug Stanley’s hole. Stanley was just so… helpless. Zero caught a glance of Stanley staring at him as he entered the tent, felt the boy’s eyes bore a hole into his head as he heard a faint, “Thanks,” from across the tent. Zero darted his eyes over to the other boy and attempted to nod, though he wasn’t sure if his head actually moved or not. He wasn’t used to the boys talking to him, mostly just at him. He hurried to the crates and dumped his dirtied laundry, desperate to remove himself from this conversation. He was out of his comfort zone.

Stanley didn’t seem to notice as he continued calling out to Zero, “Why’d you help me?”

Zero turned to face Stanley, eyes darting to look at Stanley’s face before settling on the side of the tent next to him, “You didn’t steal the sunflower seeds,” He said simply, because he thought it was fairly obvious.

“So, neither did you.”

Zero blinked hard, shifting his gaze to look at Stanley. He couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eyes, so he stared at his forehead so hard that his eyes unfocused, “You didn’t steal the sneakers,” he said, pointedly.

They stood there in silence for a moment. For forever. Until Zero moved to leave the tent. He walked fast, trying to escape the situation as soon as possible. He wasn’t sure how long this sympathy would last now that Stanley knew that Zero knew. He was sure the hostility would arise soon. He made it outside, just barely, before Stanley was yelling out to him again, “Wait!”

Zero sighed, heavily, “Here it comes,” he muttered under his breath, and turned around right as Stanley came bursting out of the tent. Stanley looked surprised, like he didn’t expect Zero to be there.

Stanley was slightly out of breath as he spoke, “I’ll try to teach you to read if you want.” Zero stared at him, confused. When he finally realized that Stanley wasn’t here to yell at him, he felt a small smile grow across his face. Stanley’s eyes searched Zero’s face, he could tell, as he spoke, “I don’t know if I know how to teach, but I’m not that worn out today since you dug a lot of my hole.”

Zero felt his smile widen unintentionally. He couldn’t believe Stanley wanted to keep talking to him, much less help him. Stanley smiled back, which just made Zero’s smile widen even more. Zero followed him eagerly back into the tent and watched just as eagerly as Stanley brought out his box of paper. He followed him just as eagerly to sit next to him on the ground in front of Stanley’s cot. Stanley cleared his throat, “Do you know the alphabet?”

The smile from Zero’s face fell quickly. Of course Stanley thought he was stupid. He knew what the other kids said about him. Though, to his credit, Stanley wasn’t like them. Stanley was at least talking to him. “I think I know some of it.” Zero glanced to his left at Stanley, “A, B, C, D.” He said confidently.

Stanley looked at him patiently, speaking gently, “Keep going.” He punctuated his sentence with a small smile.

Zero averted his eyes, choosing to stare at the top of the pole keeping the tent aloft, “E…” He paused for a while.

“F,” Stanley supplied, helpfully, and Zero could feel his eyes watching him as Zero’s brow furrowed with thought.

“G,” Zero said tentatively, loosing confidence in his memory, “H… I …” He paused. He knew Stanley wouldn’t judge him for being wrong. He was just really tired of being wrong about everything, “K,P.” He rushed out.

“H, I, J, K, L,” Stanley corrected him.

Zero’s head fell back limp as he let out a sigh, “That’s right. I’ve heard it before. I just—” He lifted his head and made fleeting eye contact with Stanley, “don’t have it memorized it yet.”

“That’s all right,” Stanley said with a reassuring smile, “Here, I’ll say the whole thing, just to kind of refresh your memory, then you can try it.”

Zero stared across the tent at one of the empty cots, focusing intently on the letters Stanley was reciting. When he finished, Zero immediately began reciting them back. When he was done he looked over at Stanley who was beaming at Zero. Zero couldn’t help but to beam back, “Well, I’ve heard it before,” his face flushed gently as he averted his eyes, “somewhere.” Stanley said nothing, just pulling out two pieces of paper and handing one to Zero, that same smile glued to his face.

Zero fiddled with the pencil in his hand. It felt too big, too clunky. Stanley placed his paper on his leg closest to Zero’s, “I guess we’ll start with A.”

Zero messed up right away. “Good job, but you need to write a little smaller.” Stanley said. Zero knew he hadn’t meant it with malice, and Zero knew that Stanley knew better than Zero, but God did Zero hate having to be corrected.

Stanley explained that there were two different ways to print each letter, and the difference between each one. As Zero copied Stanley’s lowercase ‘a’, he spoke, “So there are fifty-two.” Stanley looked at him, eyebrow raised in question, so Zero repeated himself, feeling a little embarrassed, “Instead of twenty-six letters. There are fifty-two.”

Stanley’s eyebrows raised and his mouth fell a little open, “I guess that’s right. How’d you figure that out?” Zero felt a pit grow in his stomach. He remained silent, gripping the pencil tighter as Stanley continued, “Did you add?” Stanley think’s he’s stupid. Everyone thought Zero was stupid. They called him Zero for Pete’s sake. “Did you multiply?”

“That’s just how many there are,” he said flatly, and a little coldly. Stanley’s face fell and he lifted a shoulder in a shrug. Zero frowned slightly, feeling a little guilty for snapping at him.

They worked in silence for a while. As Stanley watched Zero copy his first B, Zero spoke again, “You can teach me ten letters a day,” Zero said as he copied diligently, “Five capitals and five smalls. After five days I’ll know them all.” Zero finished his B and inspected it, comparing it to Stanley’s intently, “Except on the last day I’ll have to do twelve.” He leaned back, content with his copy, “Six capitals and six smalls.”

Stanley was quiet enough that Zero felt compelled to look at him again. He saw that Stanley was staring at him blatantly, eyes wide and jaw slightly agape. Zero’s heart fell out of his chest. He thought it was a good plan, and he assumed that Stanley’s offer would bleed over into other days. That must have been stupid of him. Why would anyone want to spend time with him for free? He hurriedly spoke again, “I’ll dig part of your whole every day. I can dig for about an hour, then you can teach me for an hour. And since I’m a faster digger anyway, our holes will get done about the same time. I won’t have to wait for you.” He spoke fast, stumbling over his words, trying desperately to convince Stanley that this would be worth his while. As he finished his last sentence he felt Stanley lean into his shoulder gently, causing him to look at him once again.

Stanly nodded once, “Okay.”

Zero breathed a sigh of relief, giving Stanley a small smile as he went back to printing his ‘B’s’. Stanley watched in silence for a minute before questioning Zero again, “How’d you figure it was five days? Did you multiply? Did you divide?”

“It’s good math.” Stanley said, sounding impressed. Zero’s stomach tightened. Why was it impressive? Why did everyone assume he was incapable of basic skills?

“I’m not stupid.” Zero spat, pausing in his practice. He felt Stanley lean away from him and Zero cut a glance in his direction. Stanley looked hurt; eyes averted to the ground for the first time. Zero’s shoulder’s fell and his expression softened, “I know everyone thinks I am.” Stanley looked at him again, opening his mouth to speak but Zero cut him off, “I just…” He took a hard swallow, “don’t like answering their questions.”

Stanley nodded after a moment, and they worked for a while longer in comfortable silence. After a while, Zero almost forgot where they were and the context that this was happening in. Stanley corrected Zero when he messed up but did so gently and with kindness sprinkled in his voice. Eventually, Zero found himself smiling. Eventually, as Zero lay in bed trying to fall asleep, he was left to wonder. Was this okay? Is this dangerous? Is it alright to hope for a friend?