trapped | lierra

twenty eight

Luke

Sierra and I somehow got her calmed down. Calum got her airpods and she blasted music to drown out the fireworks from outside. Ashton and Margaret switched our rooms so we could be in the basement instead of upstairs since we all knew that the fireworks wouldn't stop for the evening or tomorrow. Crystal had given her benadryl since she wasn't prescribed any anxiety medication, but benadryl was a good substitute for the time being.

While I sat on the couch, holding Amber closely as she was fighting off sleep, Sierra was in the other room, dropping the mother role completely and instantly in doctor mode. As much as I wanted to talk to her, I couldn't leave the room without freaking out Amber. I wanted her to fall asleep, it was clear she was exhausted and needed that. However, getting there was the hard part. The house was silent, no one really saying anything. I don't think any of us knew what to say. Tensions were high and everyone could sense that.

"She's asleep," I heard Calum whisper, making me look over to see Amber finally asleep. Relief washed over me as I carefully took out her airpods, not waking her up.

"I'll take her down," Michael offered, standing up from the love seat.

"I can,"

"You clearly have something else you need to handle," he told me, referring to all the tension that was in the house. I was reluctant, but no one gave me the option to avoid it. Hesitantly, I made my way to the other room where Sierra was typing away on her laptop.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting her anxiety medication, antidepressants, anything I can," she mumbled. "Her sister refused before, but we're her guardians,"

"Can't that wait?" I questioned.

"No," she answered, not taking her stare away from her laptop.

"Amber needs us now, not anxiety medication,"

"She has us,"

"No, she has one of us," I argued, which actually made her look at me in shock. "She has me, and then she has a doctor, which is what we agreed she didn't need from you,"

"No, she needs a psychiatrist,"

"And what are you going to do?" I asked. "You can't give her anything, that's practicing on family, which we're not allowed to do,"

"I can give the notes to the next doctor-"

"They're going to reevaluate her anyways, they'll toss your notes,"

"I won't let them," she scoffed.

"You don't have that choice, you're not her doctor," I stressed to her.

"I let it get to this point," she stood up as she raised her voice, pointing to herself. "Because I let her sister just throw all this shit out and ignore me. My sessions did nothing because of the environment she was in, and I'm not going to let that fucking happen again,"

"We're putting her in the same environment if we can't even be on the same page," I yelled, running my hands through my hair. "Jesus Christ, you can't even separate your work and home life for her,"

"This isn't a fucking surgery, Luke. This isn't something that can just be fixed instantly, this is something that's going to take years to get past, and if she doesn't get the right support or someone who knows how to handle these emotions, it's going to get worse,"

"It's going to be worse if she just has a doctor around all the time and not family,"

"At least I could snap her back to reality, you would have made it so much worse," she screamed, which almost made me lose it. And I would have, because I knew she was right. I couldn't do anything in that situation but she could, and I envied that.

"Alright, that's enough," Ashton snapped, finally storming into the room. "Fucking look at you two, what the fuck is wrong with you? Can't even see the other person's perspective on the situation, or be calm for three seconds to even think of what the problem might actually be," Neither of us said anything, but I paced back and forth, biting my knuckles to stop myself from crying. "You need to handle this in the morning, this is doing nothing to benefit your relationship or Amber,"

So that's what we did. I slept on the couch that night, Michael slept in the extra bed in Calum's room, and Sierra stayed with Crystal. And that night, everyone went to bed silent and tense, not knowing what was going to happen the next morning, but I feared it. A lot of the anger sparked from jealousy, but also frustration. I was frustrated with how Sierra couldn't be a mother in a crisis situation and had to be a doctor instead, and I was frustrated that Amber wanted a mother, but got that on and off. On the other hand, I was jealous. I was jealous she could handle Amber's panic attacks and I was clueless, and I was jealous that Amber talked to her about anything. Sadly, I let those emotions get the better of me, and I couldn't take back what I said.