How You Remind Me

38

I walked the halls of the hospital just like I did every day for the last six years, everything was the same as it had been, except today....the walls seemed lighter, the lights seemed brighter and the floors seemed shinier.

People were dying, people were injured, sick, depression surrounded me yet I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I realized that finally everything was as it should be.

I walked into the scrub room I'd been paged to and she looked up at me with a smile under her trout scrub cap, yes it was hers now...what's mine is hers, what's hers is mine..etc.

"Hello, wife." I smirked and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey husband." She smiled under her mask as she scrubbed her arms and hands "Glad you showed."

"You think I'd ever let you down?"

"No." she giggled "Not anymore."

"I'm just glad you saved me from three hours of boring paperwork." I chuckled as I started to scrub in myself.

"Well I suppose saving is in my nature these days." She flirted "Let's hope we can save this guy."

"It's a good day to do it." I nodded as we entered the O.R.

She began to dig into the young man's abdomen with ease and certainty. I wasn't a pro at General Surgery in the least, but I could hold a retractor and cauterize like the best of them.

"Pull back on the retractor and cauterize just under the tumor right there." She instructed "I don't want any unexpected bleeders when I pull this thing out."

"Yes dear."

The nurses giggled around us as she flashed me her flirty eyes.

"Derek." She frowned "Did you hit the surgical clamp with the bouvy?"

"No." I replied "I'm not even close to it."

"Then why does it smell like burnt metal."

I sniffed, it smelled like a sterile OR. "It doesn't."

"Don't tell me you can't smell that." She scoffed "I can smell it so strongly I can taste it."

"Meredith I'm telling you I don't smell anything other than cauterized flesh, no burnt metal at all."

She looked around the room at all the shaking heads and let out a sigh.

"Alright." She nodded "I'm going to get this puppy out now, he's had it on his liver long enough."

"Ready when you are."

She nodded at me and I pulled back as she got a good grip and lifted the massive tumor out of the boy's abdomen and plopped it onto a metal tray.

"Oh my god." She mumbled.

"What?" I frowned "Is there a bleed I'm missing?"

She looked at me with wide shocked eyes "I'm pregnant."

I did a double take and almost burned a squiggly signature across the kid's chest as I turned to her.

"You're....what."

"I.. I mean I don't know but...I'm pretty sure." She giggled hysterically "Oh god, I'm so pregnant."

"But how do you...how do you know."

"I can taste it." She winked.

I scratched my head on that one and wondered if she was eating babies for lunch. An hour and a half later I was pacing the waiting room in OB as I waited for a final answer.

"Is this your first time?" A man in a plaid shirt asked from a chair.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Is this your first baby, you look like a nervous wreck?"

"Oh.." I hummed "Well yes, no. I mean she's been pregnant before but we lost the baby early. It was hard."

"I can't imagine." He smiled "But I'm sure she'll be fine. If you're that worried you'll be a great dad. I remember my first, you never forget your first."

"Yeah." I nodded.

"So how long did the doctor give her?"

"Give her what?" I frowned.

"How much longer is her labor going to last?"

"Oh!" I gasped "She's not...I'm not... we're not in labor. She's taking a pregnancy test, I don't even know if there's a baby on the way yet."

"Are you scared?"

"Terrified." I answered "But not because I don't want a baby. I've wanted a baby for years it's just...after our loss it really hurt her. I don't want it to happen again."

"It won't." he smiled "The universe has a way of righting everything."

"Thanks." I smiled, he looked at his watch and stood up.

"Want some advice?"

"I'd love some." I breathed.

"If she ever asks you if she looks fat. Say No, she is all baby-even if it isn't true. Have the local Chinese, Mexican, and Pizza places take out numbers in your speed-dial, and tip them extra for late night runs. Stock your freezer with every flavor of ice cream they manufacture. Getting up in the middle of the night for her cravings is good, it helps you get used to it for after the baby comes, and you're exchanging her middle of the night feedings for the baby's. Buy every pair of jeans she has in a size bigger but have the tags exchanged for the smaller size so she thinks she is wearing them longer. Trust me...it saves a few fights." I nodded as I mentally jotted the information down "Oh and one more thing...make sure you tell her every day that she's beautiful. It helps her feel comfortable in the changes her body is doing. And there's nothing more beautiful than the woman you love carrying your child."

"Yeah." I smiled "You're right...thanks for the advice."

"Well I better get back in there, it's baby time."

"Good luck."

I took in a deep relaxing breath and let it out slowly. I heard the bathroom door open and turned to see Meredith coming out of it, her face was blank, expressionless, I felt like I was on eggshells...and then her lips cracked open into a very large, beautiful, glowing smile.

I began to laugh hysterically "Are you serious."

"Uh huh." She giggled.

I took her into my arms and swung her around before setting her back on her feet and kissing her soundlessly. I got onto one knee and kissed her abdomen and placed my hand over her flat stomach.

"I can't wait to meet you." I said to our baby. I looked up at her to see a glance of worry, as if she didn't want me too attached yet. I stood up and took her into my arms "It's going to be ok this time."

"How do you know." She whispered.

"I just do."