Forever His (Book 2)

Chapter 18

 "Chrissy," I said as he answered the phone

"Yes, baby?" he groaned at the nickname before he responded

"I need to ask you about something before I agree to do it but I want to make sure you know that you can say no to it."

"You're starting to worry me, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong but I'm supposed to be going on a podcast later but I hadn't spoken to them about what we were supposed to talk about. I talked to them today and found out they were planning to ask about the miscarriage and the breakup. So before I agree to talk about it, before I decide to spill all of the beans about it, I want your blessing. It's both of our stories to tell."

"No, it's yours. I was there but I didn't experience it the same way you did, I know it was different for you than it was for me. You don't need my permission to talk about it."

"I'm not asking permission, I'm making sure you're on board before I just air our dirty laundry to the world. It wouldn't be right for you to not know what I'm going to say."

"Cassie, I trust you but I'm glad you called first."

"It just wouldn't be right to not talk to you first, we're partners. I think I'm going to finally talk about it, all of it. Let all the details out and finally talk about how all of it affected me. I mean I've obviously talked about it with you and my therapist but I think I should share what I went through and how I healed. There are probably so many women who feel like their alone after going through that and if sharing my story can help even one of them then I have to try."

"I'm proud of you and I think this is a good thing. I'd love to hear it before it becomes public if they'd allow it, just so I can be prepared. Not that I think you're going to say anything insane but I'd just like to know before the rest of the world." 

"I will do my best to get you a copy first."

"I just ask one thing of you."

"Anything?"

"Can you not talk about us having sex while you were having flashbacks and not wanting it? I know it happened and you deserve to work through that trauma but I wish I could take that back more than anything. Cassie, I'm so sorry." His voice had gotten soft and it almost sounded like he was going to cry. 

"You don't have to apologize for that anymore, it's okay. We got past that and it's history, don't think about it anymore, please. Don't beat yourself up over it, it was my choice. I agreed to it knowing I wasn't in a good place for it, I made that choice for myself and I'm sorry I brought you into it."

"Only you would apologize for something like that, something that's clearly on me."

"Baby, I'm not going to talk about it. Promise you're not going to beat yourself up over it all day?"

"I'll try."

"We worked through this, we talked about it and we got past it. Why didn't you tell me if you were still struggling with it? We could've talked about it more or even talked to the therapist about it."

"I...I uhm, I'm not most of the time. There are times when it bothers me but I think it always will. I'm always going to feel a little guilty about it but I don't think about it all the time. It's just something I'm going to have to come to terms with, that it happened and that we moved past it together."

"We should've taken more time, we rushed things didn't we?" I sighed and wiped away a small tear, I hate that he's still beating himself up over this

"What do you mean?"