Forever His (Book 2)

Chapter 50

I was basically catatonic for the rest of that day and Chris barely managed to bribe me into eating dinner. He didn't try to force me to talk, he just held me and tried to distract me. Even Dodger seemed to pick up on my mood and he curled up next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. Chris turned on something he thought might distract me, reality tv that is, but I wasn't paying an ounce of attention. All I could do was replay every memory of my mom after my accident and after my miscarriage and try to find the signs I missed. She's been lying to me my entire life and she allowed someone to hurt me time and time again. I'm her daughter, she raised me and it was her who said how much I meant to her but she picked Jess. My dad did too, which admittedly hurts less than my mum. For my whole life, I've turned to my mum for support whenever anything went wrong and she was my rock for a long time. Part of me wants to call Christopher and find out if he knew but it would destroy me if he did. It's bad enough he never told me she existed in the first place but if he knew everything she's done to me and said nothing as well, I won't recover from that. Mum may have been my rock for a long time but Christopher was the one who raised me for years, supported me, pushed me, defended me, saved me, and still continues to always do that for me. I still didn't talk when Chris and I headed to bed but not because I was upset with him but because I couldn't find the words. In all the time we've been together, I've rarely chosen to lay away from him but tonight I laid on the far side of the bed facing away from his side. He came and sat by my legs with a heavy sigh. "Baby girl, I know this is hard and I'm so sorry she could do that to you but I'm here and I'll never choose anyone over you for the rest of my life. You don't have to do this alone, you can lean on me. I won't force you to talk if you don't want to but I will listen to you always. I love you, Cassie, forever."

The tear that slipt out was involuntary because I want to be able to let him make it better but I don't think he can this time. There is nothing that anyone can say to undo what my mum's done and all the pain it's caused. I can't just move on and there isn't a way to reconcile with her. There's no moving on or getting past, it's just over. My mum will never know my children, she won't be there to hold my hand when I deliver my first child and she won't be there for all of his firsts. Not only did I lose my mum but Theo lost his grandma and grandpa. Maybe some people can overlook things for the sake of their children but she can't be trusted and I won't overlook any of this. Jess killed my first child and my mum hid that and protected her while lying to my face. It's more than being heartbroken for myself but also for my unborn son and all the other children Chris and I will have.

He'd been checking his phone while still sitting next to me but wordlessly moved to kneel next to the bed and kiss my stomach. Every night he still told our son goodnight even when I'd tried to tell him he didn't need to do it for my sake. He rested his head against my bump as he spoke softly, so softly I almost couldn't understand it. "Hey buddy, I know Mama's been stressed but I'm gonna make it better for you both. I promise you won't know anything other than love from your mom and me, always. I'll protect you two with all I have and I just pray it's  enough."

I felt the tears start and I reached for his hands. "It's enough, it'll always be enough. You'll always be enough for us." My voice came out rough but I knew he heard me

"I really hope that's true."

When he finally looked up I realized he was crying too. "It is, love, it is."

"I've missed your voice so much baby, it's the only thing that keeps me sane."

"I'm sorry I..." He immediately cut me off

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I get it but that doesn't make it any easier to watch you struggle in silence and feel helpless. I'm supposed to be able to help you and take care of you and I've failed at that lately."