All My Colours

I'm That Psycho House Girl

22nd September 1996

The last couple of days went by in a blur. School's been an experience, I keep getting stares from random kids in the cafeteria and in class, and every time I walk down a hall the mass of students splits like I'm Moses parting the seas. Even though I haven't done anything particularly wrong, it still feels like I'm on display. Like some sort of weird exhibit at a zoo. Every once in a while the teachers try to call on me but my brain usually isn't processing properly so I just stare blankly at them. I don't think Mr Kross even notices I exist most of the time. In fact, today he was so preoccupied talking to Mr O'Hara, my maths teacher, I think he completely forgot I existed. Which was fine because honestly, I've never felt less important in my life. I still haven't managed to work up the courage to approach her and give her that book back either. It's literally got to the point where I'm practising what I'm going to say to her in front of the bathroom mirror. Every time I do see her though she's either chatting with her friends or scribbling away in some little notebook.

Anyway, I was sat in maths. Mr O'Hara was teaching us about fractions, (I think.), I'd just had another session of being called on while in a totally different universe when a shrill ringing filled the room. As soon as Mr O'Hara dismissed us I bolted out of the classroom to find my locker. I slammed it shut with a satisfying thud, then slid down it until I reached the floor.

How could I be in my last year of high school? All that time I spent back in London was gone into the sands of time. All the friends I'd made over the years were just... Gone...

"Katie..."

"Katie?"

"Hello?!"

I snapped out of the little daydream. My eyes were red from tears. I looked up at who was speaking to me. It was Axel and the taller of the two girls who knocked me down on my first day.

She gave me a small warm smile.

"Are you alright?"

"Um..yeah. Thank you." I tried my best to regain control of my emotions. I realised Axel had said something to me while I was lost in thought. I wasn't really listening.

"What are you still doing here?" He repeated to me.

"What?"

"Katie it's 4:30 why are you still here I've been so worried about you?"

That sentence hit me like a bus.

"What... No, I've only been sitting here a few minutes." I couldn't comprehend what had happened. Had I passed out?

Did I have some sort of mental break? Was I having a panic attack? I had no idea.

Axel shook his head slowly.

"Whatever, forget I said anything. Come on, let's get you home."

He pulled me up by the wrist. I stumbled slightly trying to stand and fell into the girls' arms.

I looked at her in surprise.

"Thanks," I mumbled quietly.

A smile formed across her face. "No problem. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

As we made our way through the courtyard I realised I never caught the girl's name.

"Hey, I don't think I got your name earlier."

"Ah, It's Audrey."

"Audrey..." I said quietly to myself, testing the name out on my tongue. She nodded lightly.

"See you tomorrow Kat."

As I watched her leave I realised Axel didn't let go of my arm. As we came to a small corner shop I gently untangled my arm from his grip.

"Uh, you know I'm ok to take a couple of steps by myself right? It doesn't matter."

"Of course. I'm sorry. It's just that I don't want to lose track of you. I've already lost you once today."

"I need to get a couple of things for Mum, I'll see you tomorrow Axel," I told him.

I headed into the shop, leaving Axel behind me.

The bell rang above the door again as I entered. The bell tinkled softly as I closed the door behind me. I wandered around, scanning my eye over everything in the shop. I wandered down an aisle.

"Hi!" I heard a voice from behind me.

I turned. It was her, the girl from the train. She wasn't in her uniform but something more anti-authority and edgy. It suited her.

"You're that Psycho House Girl right?"

This was it. This was what all of my bathroom mirror preparations had led up to.

She smiled brightly as I stepped towards her.

"Yes, that's me," I said nervously.

She held out her hand.

"I'm Amber. I've seen you around. We share a lesson with Mrs Black."

I grabbed her hand and gave it a tight shake.

"I'm Katie." I looked down. Her hand was soft and warm and fit mine perfectly.

"Wait a second," She asked curiously, "Was it you I was sat with on the train a few days back?"

I looked up at her.

"Yeah."

"And you didn't ask me who I was?"

"I was too embarrassed. You probably knew who I was. Sorry, I guess I should have. I'm sorry." My voice came out much louder than I'd intended it to and I quickly took a step back.

She laughed. "Don't apologise, it's quite nice actually."

I smiled slightly.

"It must be strange. Having everybody staring at you."

"Yeah, definitely. But it's ok. I've dealt with worse. What about you?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, I don't have many friends yet but it's ok. Everyone here seems nice enough."

"I'm sure you will get better people to talk to sooner or later. You seem friendly and smart." She grinned.

"Thank you. And I think you're cool."

I smirked.

I turned around to leave.

"Wait! I've got a question."

I turned back around to face her again.

"I lost my book on the train the other day. You won't have happened to have seen it have you."

This couldn't have gone better.

"Yeah actually, it's on my nightstand, I've been meaning to give it to you for the past few days. If you want tomorrow I'll give you a tour of the Psycho House after school." I replied.

"Really?! Thanks, Katie. See you tomorrow!" She chirped before running out of the shop.

I sighed with relief.

Maybe this is how things should be from now on.

Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

Later that night I lay awake in bed, tossing and turning. I tossed one more time, sighing heavily, before throwing the covers off of me and slipping out of bed. I put on my slippers and left the bedroom, padding along the dark hallway to the bathroom. I flicked the switch, flooding the space with light. The tiles glowed a sickly green in the darkness. I walked into the bath, undressed, and climbed in. As the water warmed up, I began to relax. My mind drifted as I soaked in the warmth.

My thoughts immediately turned to Amber.

What was tomorrow gonna be like? What was she gonna wear? Hell, what was I gonna wear?

So many questions flooded my brain as I drifted off to sleep. I dreamed about the ocean for a while. That seemed to help to calm my nerves.

But as I slept, I found myself dreaming about someone else instead.