Stellify

OUR SONG: Sarai

"What we think about, that's exactly what we will become."

Great, I was doomed. Anyway, I already knew it.

Does anyone have coffee?

We were getting up at five in the morning to come to the production company to rehearse. I wondered how much it was costing them to rent this place, maybe they weren't paying us yet, but lately I felt that the investment was beginning to show in the small details. They hired a bus to take us all to our rooms so I just had to wait for them to pick me up.

The last few days I had visited temples, read books and talked to many people, especially monks. The day before I had the opportunity to give an offering very early, when they go through the city collecting food; it was a way of making merits. As a woman I couldn't touch them, but I felt good to participate; maybe that's how she felt. It was a tradition I didn't know before arriving in the country, a completely different world for me, but it was useless to spend a lot of time in one place and not try to at least understand what surrounds you.

Ciara's reasons for acting the way she did were particular, however, the producers and writers said that I had to understand how she thought outside of her personal situation. She decided to follow the teachings of Buddhism and she did it very deep, one of the instructors who were helping us had told me a lot about this path. I guess I could understand that she needed this as much as breathing. And it was funny that I understood it beyond an intellectual level.

I came to Bangkok with a purpose: that its bustling environment would force me not to think. Let culture shock and curiosity cloud all kinds of thinking that could make me even smaller. Of course, after arriving I just locked myself in the place where I would stay in. Regardless of the distance, I kept running away.

And among all the motivational phrases I learned, that was the only one that saved my brain. Of course, why would I expect otherwise?

Now I was here, waiting for the others. I used to step aside and be alone for a few minutes before everyone else entered the rehearsal room to clear my head.

The soft touch of Yuan and Yue reassured me, I always carried them in my pocket and they ended up becoming an extension of my hands. It was a gift from my godmother, she said it would do me good and maybe it was just a suggestion, but it worked to keep me calm. If I haven't have them, I would begin to tremble. Yuan was a malachite, my godmother claimed that it absorbed negative energy, but I believed that it was a very heavy task for such a small object. Yue was a labradorite whose energy helped to dispel fears... But, if that was so, why...?

I put my head in my hands and before I could stop myself, I let out a scream that echoed off the walls.

But the echo I received was different from my own voice.

Looking up, I found Hwan standing in front of the door.

"I thought you wouldn't want to scream alone, "he told me with a small smile.

Hwan was nice, a boy from a good family. He lived in England since he was a child, he had to move because of his father's business. He was truly a well-born child, who did not know another life and therefore did not see the need to brag about what was completely normal for him. His family considered this project was just his last adventure before definitively joining the economic team that ran the family company. He was someone who was quiet, but who smiled easily. I internally thanked that even though he heard me scream and thought to come with me so I wouldn't feel alone making such a fool of myself, he didn't ask any more questions.

"Where are the others?" I asked him.

"Kris went to get breakfast, said you'd like iced coffee," he answered before hopping up onto the dais to sit next to me. "Tonya doesn't seem to be around much today, do you have any idea what's so important about her character that they need to talk about? She seems like is a whim of the director. "