good on paper, picture perfect

realization

"It's going down, I can see it! It looks like someone has started to spray paint." Magnus said looking out the door as he stared across the main room to the graffiti on navis' halls. 
 
He turned around and walked away from the door, he sighed knowing this paperwork was going to be a major pain in the ass. He had a few suspects. He will deal with them soon, instead, he commed Rose.

"Rose. You might need to come clean this mess up." Magnus said. 

"Understood." Rose said, she hung up, Rose didn't feel too good, she couldn't bring herself to get out of her berth. She was still nausous and felt sick to her tanks. Feeling a tugging against her spark, she tossed and turned trying to lay down but the pain persisted. She felt sweat pour down her helm. 

She decided to sleep in some more, that graffiti can wait, the tugging against her spark persisted and she let out a pained groan. 

She opened her optics, the room around her spun. Her vision was blurry, she blinked once again and finally managed to focus enough to look around. Her stomach lurched as a wave of dizziness washed over her, and she fell back onto the berth.
The tugging increased until it hurt too much to bear. Nausea increased tenfold, Rose gags, shotting up as she rushed straight to the bathroom at breaknecking speed, onlookers watched as Rose rushed by fast. 

Rose made it to the restroom and vomits the empty contents of her stomach.  Panting heavily as she leans forward on the edge of the toliet. Tears prick her optic ridges.

"Come on, you're doing great! Keep it together!" She muttered, rubbing her face. Finally getting enough oxygen into her tank, Rose felt herself begin to relax a bit. She slowly lifted herself off of the cold tiles.

She needed to see Ratchet in the medbay right now, but she didn't think it was too bad. She needs a long rest. So, she commed Magnus. 

"Magnus, I won't be able to come clean the mess up. I just threw up. I don't feel good." 

"Understood. Go back to your quarters at once and recharge." Magnus orders. Rose sighs and nods as Magnus hung up. As she walked towards her quarters she was met by Ratchet. 

"What happened to you? Why did you come in?" Ratchet questioned.
"I'm okay, really, I'm fine. I just threw up and I just want to go rest." Rose explains. Ratchet doesn't look convinced, but he lets it go, be told Rose to get alot of rest. 

"I'll do that." Rose promised, turning to leave. Ratchet watches as Rose leaves the medbay, he sighs as the sound of Rose pedesteps echoes in the halls.

He knew something wasn't right with her. 

 There is no way she should be able to throw up so badly when she hasn't eaten anything in days, not only that, her  spark was beating abnormally. He knows Rose better than anyone else in the Lost Light, which is saying something, because a medic knows everything. And even after everything, even then he knows something isn't right with her. 

But he's unsure about what.
As she walks through the halls of the ship Ratchet notices two things. One; his sensors were picking up an odd energy reading coming from Rose. Two; Rose was feeling unwell, that meant something was seriously wrong. But whatever it was it was keeping him from asking questions.

 Something he wouldn't have been happy about anyway. If something was bothering Rose, then she should talk to them about it, not make them feel guilty by keeping it from them. Even if they know something is wrong.

He makes a quick call to the captain before heading off to the medbay. He was reporting Roses' condition. He didn't want to see Rose out and about in her frail state. 

Rung was busy sorting through his files, the lingering thought of Rose once again remerging in his processor. 

He spent so long thinking of her, after what went down in that room he still thinks of Rose from time to time. 

 Every time, he tries to put it out of mind but it never works, he can't help it. He misses Rose...and that's why whenever he has the chance he'll try and talk to her, even if she doesn't want to speak, he just wants to hear from her voice.

 Just her voice, just Rose's voice. His thoughts drift to her almost daily.

And when they do he can't help but wonder if she misses him. Does she think of him sometimes as well?  

 Does she miss the days when they would sit side by side in silence, watching the stars?

He feels stupid for thinking about such trivial things. 

 He doesn't think of her as a silly little thing that he can't have anymore, he thinks about her as the cybertronion he cherished more than anything in existence. He wonders if that was enough for her. After all, the whole idea of love was supposed to last forever.

He then only realized, he was in love with her.  The realization came suddenly and completely unexpected. It took him aback and confused him greatly.

How could he feel so strongly?
How could he ever compare to the other mechs in his crew? To Rose's twin brother?

He had nothing to offer to Rose and yet he found himself falling for Rose in the most romantic sense imaginable. 

And it hurt. Hurt like a glitch. 
Why did this feel so good?
He doesn't understand. Why did being in love cause this sort of pain?
"Oh god, I've fallen for her. How am I supposed to tell her this?" He whispered as he sat back and tried to process everything.

He knew there was no way he would ever be good enough for her.
But if Rose loved him too...then how was he supposed to show her what he felt?

Feelings are so hard to understand.  
They are a lot of emotions, a lot that we just don't seem to understand or understand at first glance,
Love is complicated. 

Sometimes when the universe throws us curveballs we have to take it or leave it. Sometimes life throws us curveballs, sometimes life gives us a perfect opportunity. He wanted to say something to her, but he knew it was too late. Too late to ask her out, or confess his feelings. That night, it was all that he could think about. All that he could think about was Rose and how much he loved her.

The night in that room wasn't supposed to impact their relationship like it did, nor was it supposed cause him to catch those feelings. 

His spark twisted. It hurt so much. 
His heart ached. That night changed both of their lives forever.

But, he knew Rose loved him back just as deeply. So he hoped to Primus, that he was worth everything Rose gave him.

Everything that he had done wrong, everything he had caused. The crashing of the Fateful Archetype still remained firm in his processor. 

He didn't want to hurt Rose, he was scared to hurt someone again, he was scared to hurt Rose. 

But he was a therapist, despite all of his worries about hurting someone, he knew he wouldn't hurt Rose, but deep down inside him, what if he did? 

Would Rose be okay?

Could she forgive him?

It was all too much to handle right now, he didn't know what he wanted.
All he knew was that he hated having these mixed feelings, he hated it with every ounce of his spark.

So, he hid it away, hidden it away somewhere. Maybe deep within himself, where no one would find it.

He hated being in pain.

He hated hurting.

But he couldn't stop the feeling that rose within him. It felt like a hurricane within, threatening to consume him. Every single part of him longed to see her again, to feel her hand brush against his.

And yet, he also wanted to run away from her as far as possible. Not just to protect her. 

Because he knew, he knew that he'd give anything to never lose Rose again.

Even if it killed him.