Ed gets phone call from george who told him in that prolonged hoarse voice, slow but meticulous, driven by substance taking root in his brain, that matty is franticly trying to get hold of y/n.
The band plays on Open'er festival on northern coast of Poland. And matty needs y/n to be there.
They have bit of history, these two, for the context of their place in museum of elevator romance. Too big to be confined. Yet always living in the dark.
On and off lovers entertaining belief to be stars crossed with curse of circumstances always being bigger than love they carry for one another, the truth is when you love no one lets you be in love if you reveal the truth, so you hide it to preserve the spark its the best piece of advice for young and reckless lovers hearts full of dreams of some other life than one they grew up with in between walls of home that never felt like one until they finally got out and made one along the way on terms they wrote in glitter black gel pen in their ratty notebooks that kept them sane as house rattle with screams of people who tied themselves with ones so much different then them but no one told them people change for worse with time and no love can save what is already broken inside so they kill and hurt and kill until everyone around them is in same misery as them.
So they finish their meal in haste, pack their things and catch midnight train. On ride they share bar of snickers.
"Do you think dreams do come true, ed? " what she wanted to say as scenery passed through window frames and daydreams started to take shape, was:
Dreams are only things we have left in this miserable world where fathers scold us for dreaming of things they cannot fathom, where world boasts when it kills another dreamer, where we praise those who made it, but call losers those that try to get there.
Hold onto your dreams for they will always be there for you.
Never give up on things that make you feel glad to be alive.
When it comes to dreams, it's real challenge not to be our biggest critics.
Don't let them kill us.
I love you. But it will never be enough. So may we meet when all our dreams come true and we get bigger than our troubles and haters sending tides on our valiant hearts.
y/n sent a prayer to boy in her dreams who owns all her midnights, one with no name, one of a kind, who will never know how much of heart she had to leave behind to forget his smile. Yet when he comes knocking, asking for place to stay, she will always open. And that is real tragedy: when in love, we lose all self respect and sight of right from wrong; all we think we know, is suddenly strange and unknown.
Ed loves y/n with love he cannot confess himself so he follows her to forests and seas to make sure monsters don't get to her first; while y/n and matty blame the stars for all the names they can't let go and live without. They are all tangled in loving all too dearly. It's the honest soft fragile kind of loving: my heart is for the taking as long as you dont ask me to say it back. if i start to talk about you even stars will weep on our mortal destinies.
"Our dreams are only real reflection of who we really are." ed finally said. She looked at him and gave him smile. He returned soft and fragile flower in desert full of known things but never spoken out loud.
He tapped her foot with his, light reminder not to take everything too seriously, to breathe the words out.
I love him still, ed.
I know.
Why does it hurt so much?
You think too much.
They changed their coats for lighter sweaters and shirts and sunglasses. notebook in pocket, words painting picture of comfort on warm pages.
And next thing you know they are among jolly crowd chanting words and jumping up and down to The Sound.
y/n sends matty text while in crowd staring up at him, with smirk and sly smile. he cant see her among smoke and purple lights, but he could have swore he caught glimpse of familiar smile one in a million there in his peripheral for one second of happenstance.
So he jumps up and down, urging everyone to lose it, hoping she is somewhere beat can reach her heart so she feels his warmth.
Imagine me in your presence.
y/n felt vibrations of all the dreams around her,
strings of hope stringing us along into another day,
we are told it is dumb and that it makes us fragile to hold onto something so fickle,
yet here in this crowd in this twilight of time that will be gone already by tomorrow's light,
gone time cannot be remembered back to life,
it is pulsating body breathing as one
into deafening crescendo that is screaming with lives of hundreds of dreams fluttering to beat of one that has come undone from confines of mind,
you cant shush us down
She felt sick of all the talk about hope all those thoughts buzzing through her brain so many words we never say feelings left to die as tide goes away, castles in distance cant get to them if there are no waves, kings and knights all lay down their weapons when their creators weep for themselves, its sad when one is brilliant but cannot see it.
oh ruination sweet doom,
are you only home i will ever known
why all this pain when i try to make things right
why me oh why dear doom
why thee have chosen to come to take root in my heart?
Later backstage, Matty stalks hallways, trips on chords, peeks in rooms, hoping it's not all only delusion feeding heart's manic tendencies to wish for too much, to see hope in every coincidence.
And when already tired from himself he stumbles back to his room, he stops in his tracks on doorway as soft smile that makes his eyes close spreads from his heart to his mouth.
"angel."
They smiled as tears ran down their face. ed was near, and they all wept. for times that changed them into humans who cry more than they did when they were only kids; for all the names we carry around locked in our hearts believing to be our lucky charms; for letting society convince us number of likes determine who we are; for letting our hearts stay the same when the world around us has changed; for growing up too fast. but most of all, for letting go of each other when the other needed them most.
"You are back."
"You made me come"
"Oh you loved it, dont lie." matty said as he embraced y/n in bear hug, so desperately needed by both sides. he cried in her sweater. I am sorry dear friend. I am so sorry for letting you get lost. I am here now.
'Let us not be sad. Do not let our pettiness ruin your big day.' y/n held matty's face smiling through tears banishing them for time being on cliffs where we go to let go of sadness when hearts become full. We will come back. Echo of past binds us to shores of reminiscence.
But not tonight.
We deserve respite from things we are not.
