He was down there throwing lavish party in my garden for people who hated my name, pearl skin and necklines in sunlight, raybans, loud music and world i dont belong in he brough them here and didnt even ask me if i am okay with it
He should have known from absence of my smile but he never took time to learn tides of my heart
While i was watchng it all from upstairs window
Curtains flowing between us
Each on one side coming in style banners of silk baby come get your crown when you call me yours don't you know i would do anything to see you satisfied
You are in blue it suits you so well
You dont anymore wait for ride
You made yourself known that you are one of knights here to stay
We are hiding so they dont catch a glimpse
It irks you to see me anything but happy
Smiling in sunlight
It's casual intimacy that we find in every place just one glance and presence is enough
Ed comes stands between us facing the scene
We stand on sides in curtains
Ed knows by now where my heart lies so he isnt surprised to see you here
You are part of family by now
One of meadow royals
He has very important audition for couple of days and he cant put up with licentious youth. Our meadow is not used to souless debauchery
We are coming up with ideas how to put a stop to all of it
He comes in with someone on his arm but still calls me babe after i tell him there is no more chmpaign
You just stand there all ready to be smart and throw snarky remark but you don't because you are lost trying to come up with world in which i deserve to be treated like this
And i see it takes everything in you not to show how much you care but you wont give away our fairytale in hiding
And i imagine myself dying down on pebbles on driveway in midst of party and him crying, his tears on my lips because underneath all the recklessness he cared otherwise he wouldnt start this charade
But them i reprimand myself for thinking that way and wonder if i romanticize something violent only because i have another pair of hands to fall into if i think of death because i can still sell my youth
Should i leave you in memories before you grow bitter and time makes you disappoint me
and
go with sunlight boys into sunrise of masquerade balls and modernity that will make us hate each other even if we cant speak from love we hold for one another
or
shall i come home to peace you built and step out from behind curtains, free as bird on breeze, unafraid because you are there
and
leave the golden boy to someone else even if it will break his heart that loved me in its own recklessly restless way?
You are apparition transparent mirage of my heavy heart, ethereal promise of days passing but love stays the same as curtains fly on breeze
You are mirage on sunny day there but not really there mine but never fully mine because words are too heavy they will sink us before we find courage to reach for the other side
You are not him
You are more sophisticated you don't throw blame like a bait for end you don't have balls to spell out
In between curtains you are ghost that will disappear if I reach out like particles of dreams I dream translucent stardust I can't keep nor make mine
I am stuck in cage i confined myself to for i hold the key to my freedom fears mean it's worth it i know every lock combination but my mind is lost in daydreams comfortable is killing potential the trill the need to leave please save me from myself give me some of your valour i want to be knight too i know i can be i just need someone to recognize my skill i dont want to live behind curtains with shadows forever i am human i am alive i wasnt born to hide and live out someone's else idea of who i should become
I feel hand finding mine
And I can breath
Everything will be alright if you never stop believing impossible is possible just beyond the curtain of self imposed fears and doubts.
Tear down that curtain and step into the garden that's growing from your brilliance.
