A Kyman Story

Chapter 3

I was having trouble falling asleep, thinking about kissing Cartman repeatedly. I mean, everyone knew I was gay but come on, I couldn't seriously have a crush on Eric Cartman. Even if I did, it wouldn't matter; he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after we stuck it to my mom. After almost two hours, I finally managed to drift off to sleep.

My alarm went off all too soon. I woke up and started getting ready, knowing my mom would already be gone and preparing at the venue for the reunion. It was going to be a rough day. I grabbed some jeans and a button-down shirt, remembering that my mom had asked me to look nice.

I texted Cartman, letting him know I'd be over soon. It was early, but I think we needed to go over some rules before the party. I grabbed my phone and wallet and started walking toward Cartman's house.

I knocked on his door and stood for a minute, thinking about how messed up this was. I was about to introduce Cartman to my whole family as my boyfriend just to get back at my mom. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but before I could talk myself out of turning around, he answered the door and invited me in.

"You're early, Kyle," Cartman mumbled, sipping on coffee.

"I know; I thought we should discuss some rules and off-limits topics before we go," I replied

"No Jew jokes, no calling your mom a bitch, no Hitler references, be on my best behavior?"

"Yes, and I don't want to get murdered, so please try not to swear or piss anyone off?" I asked

"I'll have you know that everyone likes me," Cartman replied in protest

"That is so not true, Eric."

"Well, you're dating me, so I must've done something right if you like me." Cartman quipped back at me

"Yeah yeah. We should get going; I will be in enough trouble as it is, let alone if I'm late."

"Kyle, your mom, really is a—-"

"If you finish that with bitch I'm going to slap you."

"I was going to say, lovely lady, geez Kyle, do you always assume the worst?"

"Uh-huh, sure you were Cartman."

"Hey, you can't call me by my last name Jew."

"Well, you aren't supposed to be calling me Jew, so we're even."

"Sorry, old habits, I guess. Do I need to know who anyone is?"

"I'll introduce you to everyone there."

"Are you introducing me as your boyfriend or?" Cartman trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"Um, I guess as my boyfriend, I honestly didn't think that far ahead; I wasn't expecting you to agree."

"Well, you kinda had to do something. I mean, Six months with no social life over a 96 on an exam? That's insane; my mom would shi— I mean, she would have a cow if I got a 96 on any exam."

"You could get 100s if you tried, Eric; everyone knows you're very smart; you just hate school."

"No, I hate people telling me what to do; that's different."

I gave him a look.

"Okay, maybe not that different, but still."

"We really gotta go, Eric, or we will be late."

"Fine, let me get the keys."

"The keys for what?"

"I'm not walking three miles to get there, Kyle; my mom said I could take her car."

"Okay, as long as you don't kill us."

Cartman feigned like that hurt his feelings, "ugh, I would never dream of it, princess."

"Do not call me that."

"Why not? Not manly enough for you?"

"Shut up," I replied

This was undoubtedly going to be one long party.