A Kyman Story

Chapter 11

He did in fact see me in the morning but barely. He left me breakfast and mumbled something about errands he needed to run. I didn't see him pretty much at all the rest of the entire week.

Things have been weird between Cartman and I to say the least. I didn't exactly have proof that he'd been avoiding me because of the kiss but he was avoiding me. It was my own fault, letting myself believe he could like me. I mean, how stupid am I.

The answer is stupid enough to have him pretend to be my boyfriend and expect not to fall in love. It has been almost a week since we babysat my cousins and he'd been avoiding me ever since. I was both relieved and really hurt if I'm honest.

I finally managed to corner him in the kitchen to talk. I stood in the doorway for a minute trying to figure out what to say.

"Eric?" I asked softly

He just about dropped the mug he was holding, "Jesus! You can't sneak up on me like that! I thought you outgrew being a sneaky Jew."

"Hey! Don't stereotype me fatass!" I quipped back.

"Yeah." He replied looking down, "what did you want?"

"I um... I miss... I uh..." my brain wasn't helping me, "can we just—"

"Look I'm really tired, can we talk in the morning?" Eric sighed.

"No, please just..." I was trying to get my mouth to form words but it wasn't really working. "Just wait a minute please?"

Eric softened as tears spilled out from my eyes, "hey it's okay, I'm sorry. Come on." He grabbed my hand gently and led me to the couch and we sat next to each other.

He looked over at me concern evident on his face.

"What's wrong Kyle?" He asked.

"I've ruined everything." I stuttered out, tears falling faster.

He reached toward me and gently brushed the tears off my face, "that's not true Kyle. You're wonderful exactly the way you are."

"I miss you." I whispered.

A look of sadness crossed Eric's face, "Kyle—"

"Just for once in your life listen to me!" I cried out.

Eric immediately shut up and removed his hands from my cheeks. He looked at me both confused and a little scared.

"What are we doing?" I asked

Eric raised an eyebrow at me, "I don't think I understand the question?"

"I—- is this real? Is it real for you? Or did I ruin everything by kissing you at my aunts?"

His eyes widened, "I don't think we're on the same page about anything right now. Please explain what that means."

"I—- I think— no I know— I'm not—" I started freaking out, "what do you feel about me?"

"Kyle. I can't." Eric whispered.

"Please?" I begged him.

"I can't fake it anymore." Eric breathed out.

"Oh." I felt my heart shatter, "I'll leave, I can use my savings to rent an apartment and be out of your hair."

I stood and started walking toward my room. Eric grabbed my wrist. I turned around to look at him.

"That isn't what I meant Kyle. It's— it's not fake for me and I can't— I can't get my hopes up anymore. I can't fall more in love with you. I just can't—- not when I know you don't want me that way." Eric had tears in his eyes and let go of me seemingly deflated, "I can't risk destroying our friendship, and I don't want you to leave, I just was trying to take some space and deal with my feelings."