Lost Wanderers (Halbrand / Rings of Powers)

7 - Even Morgoth Desired Her

"What story do you want to hear tonight?".
Luthien felt the safest in her mother's arms. She was always eager to hear stories, but as a little child she disliked the scary ones.
"A good one. Not dark" she murmured, recalling how her mother taught her that she needed to learn the dark stories so she could stop being a captive of her fears. She couldn't be afraid of the night forever. She had to face the night with the knowledge that light would be back again in the morning.
Her mother caressed her hair "Shall we continue your favourite story?".
Luthien just nodded with a grateful smile.
Her mother loved telling the story of the Elf Princess who defeated darkness.
"Where were we?" she asked.
"Beren is captured..." Luthien said with a shiver. That part was frightening and sad.
"Oh yeah. The company was captured by the Necromancer, who wanted to know their secrets. But none of them revealed them. One by one they were slayed. Until only Finrod and Beren were left. When Beren's turn came, Finrod sacrificed himself for him. Beren mourned in the dark, waiting for death. But who came to save him?".
The little girl was petrified by the scary imagines in her mind, no matter how many times she already had been through that dark part of the story.
"Luthien!" she exclaimed with relief.
"Exactly" her mother chuckled "Luthien came and sang outside the dungeons. She persuaded the Necromancer to come forward and he couldn't resist her. Even his master, even Morgoth desired her. And he had promised the greatest reward to any who could capture her. So the Necromancer faced her. And he was defeated. A woman, an Elf Princess, defeated the greatest evil of these lands, second only to Morgoth. She freed us from Sauron, the Abhorred".
Luthien hugged her mother back.
Morgoth was the name she feared the most, although he was defeated too.
But another detail lingered in her young mind.
Even Morgoth desired her...
She frowned "Is it good to be desired even by evil?".
Her mother reflected on it "It can be, if it helps to defeat the evil. And look what she did. A woman. She defeated Sauron".
Sauron, the Necromancer, and who knew how many other names he was known with.
The one with sleepless eyes of flame.
A nightmare that lingered in the shadows, even if he was no more.

Sometime later her short legs brought her to the library, where she admired the papers that were source of knowledge.
"Little Princess, what are you doing here?" Ben, the Master of the library, welcomed her warmly.
She frowned. He liked using that nickname, but it reminded her of what she wasn't.
"I'm not a Princess" she blurted.
He smiled sweetly "To me, you'll always be my Little Princess".
"What is it?" she asked pointing her finger to the old papers he was holding.
"A precious gift from Numenor. They tell the story of the Vala Aulë and his mightest students".
She looked at the writings, that looked weird to her "What alphabet is that?".
"It's an ancient one. But I think I can translate it so you can read it too".
She smiled and left him with his books.
Then an unexpected question rose to her innocent lips and she turned back to the old man.
"Was Sauron one of the mighest students of Aulë?".
Master Ben froze at her question, but he quickly forced a comforting smile.
"He was. Not all the evil is born that way. It's said that he was created good and uncorrupted. Then, as many, he fell victim of the sick need of more power".
Luthien shivered and walked away, promising to herself to keep her father and her family save from that need of power.
They were wealthy and good. There was no need of more power.

"What's wrong my child?" her mother's tender hands wiped her wet cheeks.
She didn't want to share her burden, fearing that her words might offer her, when she was the one who chose her name. But she couldn't bear it anymore.
"What am I compared to that Luthien? I'm nothing".
"You are everything" her mother said strongly taking her face into her palms and making her look into her eyes "To me. To your father and your family. To this city. I want your name to be a blessing to you. To encourage you to face the challenges of life as a warrior, to remind you every day that even a woman can win where men fail".
The girl sobbed. It was too heavy for her tiny shoulders.
"But I'm no elf. I'm mortal. And my brothers say I'm a clumsy fighter".
Her mother smiled softly "Even the best hero was clumsy at first. Your brothers are more clumsy than you and they envy the grace you have when you move. We all took our time to learn to walk. We failed so many times but nobody dared to laugh at our being clumsy, instead everybody praised every little progress we showed. You are learning to walk in life, my little star. Soon you will be running".
Luthien calmed down, no more tears nor sobs.
"I wish I had a name only mine" she confessed in a whisper "Not to be constantly compared to her. My life is just a blink of her eyes".
Her mother scoffed "She was the first Elf who fell for a mortal. And she chose to become mortal to have him back from death. She died as a mortal. Never be ashamed of our short lives, where every single moment is precious, when even elves chose to embrace our mortality".
Luthien looked up at her, suddenly remembering that death was their unavoidable destination, that maybe they never had that conversation. That her mother was dead. And in that occasion she had wished so strongly to seek more power, only to be able to save her from death.
Luthien moved away from her, sobbing again.
"I've tried to do as you said. To face my worst fears, instead of running from them. But I can't stop fearing death. I can't stop being afraid".
"There's nothing bad in it. You'll learn to accept it" her mother tried to comfort her.
"No. I won't".
She kept stepping back and then turned, to run away.
"Luthien!" her mother called her at her back, but she didn't stop.
She ran as fast as she could, air wiping the tears from her eyes, as she ran away the last time she saw her mother alive.
She wished she could run away also from her name, but she couldn't.
"Luthien!".