16 - Still Something to Learn

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There was no peace

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There was no peace.
Luthien hoped that the water would wash away everything, even her breath. She hoped that all her sorrow would end and that she would find her mother waiting for her on the other side.
Instead it was just hell.
She felt pulled against the current and the pain made her swallow more water.
She was drowning into darkness.
Then the water wasn't hurting her anymore, but the air was even worse. It slapped her hard. Or maybe something else hit her.

"No, don't you dare giving up" an argry voice shouted at her "Luthien!".
Her ears still heard the argry roar of the water. Maybe it was the river shouting at her?
She felt pressure on her chest and was forced to push out the water she swallowed.
She coughed hard, until she was breathing properly, although it was painful. Everything was pain.
She focused on breathing for a long time, lying on the grass, shivering for the cold.
Then two strong hands grabbed her and pulled her, making her sit up.
"What do you think you were doing?" the angry voice roared at her, making her tremble.
No, it wasn't the river.
It was him.
Why did she believe that she wasn't a prisoner? That she could just leave and be rid of that burden?
"Luthien, look at me" he demanded.
His hand tapped her chin, making her looking up at him.
He still looked like Halbrand, but she had never seen him so furious.
"Let me go. Just kill me" she said very fleebly, but he heard her anyway.
"Why?".
"Why?" she repeated, hating to be forced to speak when she was so exhausted that she wanted let herself float away as smoke in the wind "I don't want to be your servant".
Confusion carved his face "When did I ask you to serve me?".
She sighed "Don't play this game with me. Just because I'm nothing compared to you, stop playing".
"You're not nothing" he said sternly "I'm trying to give you what you want. You wanted to travel the world, so we are travelling. You wanted peace, so I'm trying to save the world from another war. You wanted to know who I am, and I let you have that knowledge".
Luthien wished to vomit those words instead of letting them raise more doubts into her tired mind.
She glared at him, hating how she could see nothing beyond the simply human Halbrand she used to know.
He was drenched and removed his cloak to cover her trembling figure, but she didn't want his attention. She didn't want to sit in a forest next to him.
"Stop using me" she snarled "You played with my feelings. You made me fall for your mask. Why saving me?".
He let out a long sigh, his head and his shoulders bending like under a heavy weight.
"You don't know what I've been through" he said softly without looking at her "I've had a long life, that's true. But it doesn't mean that I was free".
"You were evil" she spat, then corrected "You are evil".
He glanced up, like expecting his gestures to be proofs enough to change her mind.
"Do you believe that? Or is it what you were taught? To fear the shadow of everyone's nightmares. The terrible Sauron. The Abhorred" he said with disgust.
She stiffened at that name, haven't expected him to say it. She watched him, waiting for that name to become like a dark cloak covering his features, but it didn't happen. He still looked just like a tired man who fought against natire forces and who was still fighting to win her trust back.
"Do you expect me to believe to your story?" she asked, almost challenging him to reveal his true nature.
"I expect you to listen to it" he corrected her "So you can understand why you".
That was the biggest question that tormented her, so she just ordered.
"Speak".

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