More than a woman

Aftermath

....hours later

As I did yesterday. I woke up to the same bright lights.

I look around me to check my surroundings. I can see that I'm by myself in the room. Thank god.

My body definitely feels a whole lot worse than it did yesterday. The stab wounds have started to pound and I can see the blood completely taking over the patches.

I raise up and lean against the bed to stable myself. I feel like shit. It's hard to breath, it's hard to move, hell it's even hard to think.

I get up off the table slowly, ripping out the iv in the process. As I stand ,I hear voices coming towards me. I don't care. I'm done with this. I have to get out of here.

I head over to the door and open it. I don't see anybody in the hallway so I guess the people from earlier are gone. I leave the door and head down the hallway.

I reach the elevator and head up to my floor. While I'm the elevator I can't help but wonder what happened after I passed out.

The elevator rings and the doors open. As I'm walking out, I walk to my room and see Steve walk out of the room Tony was working on, just as I reached my door. I freeze when I see winter walk out behind him.

Our eyes lock for a second until some sense comes to me and I run into my room and lock the door.

I hear a knock on my door but don't answer. A second knock comes but soon I hear Steve's voice.

" B, what you doing walking around, you're suppose to be resting in the infirmary."

I don't answer and instead just glance at the door hoping he'll just leave. He doesn't.

"Come on open the door. I need to make sure you're alright"

Silence

"Please , just let me in for a minute."

Fine. Only for a second tho. I hate him

I slowly and quietly go to the door and unlock it. I slightly open it and ask, "Is he gone."

Steve looks down to me and nods his head.

I open my door to let him in and walk back over to my bed to sit down. I wince a little while going down I really shouldn't be walking around so much.

"Are you ok? You suffered quite severe injuries, I got kind of scared for a little while." Steve says while looking at me.

"I'm fine, just a little sore." I reply back.

" I'm so sorry B, I should have been keeping a better eye on you, I should have protected you, and I didn't." Steve says sadly.

"Don't, don't do that, it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have let my guard down so quickly." I  say to him.

We both sit in silence, waiting for one another to say something. I guess I was the first to break the silence I need to talk to someone about my thoughts and I trust Steve enough to talk to him.

"I can't do this anymore Steve." I finally spoke up.

"What do you mean" Steve said while looking at me with worry.

"I can't keep feeling like I'm absolutely worthless. I need it to stop." I say while tears start to form in my eyes.

I hate crying around people. Heck I hate crying in general. It makes me feel weak. Strong women don't cry. Strong women lead and stand tall.

I am no longer that woman and I hate it. I hate to say it but I wish I was the emotionless monster I was before,  just not controlled.

With Hydra getting closer to capturing me everyday, I might as well just give up and let them take me. It would break wands and Nat and Steve would probably go nuts but it's the only way to keep everyone safe. I don't want any of my friends dying because of me.