may or may not have an essay due tonight that i haven't began researching anyway enjoy this
Kate runs her fingers over Yelena's hair as she naps next to her.
Normally, she'd join Yelena, but she slept a full night last night and her brain has been on over-drive all morning.
She has to go home tonight - which she doesn't like, she'd much rather just stay with Yelena - and get the house ready for Yelena. The doctors wanted to send her home with a wheelchair, but Yelena argued non-stop with them until they decided instead on a brace and crutches. Kate's sure that Yelena could argue her way into anything.
Lucky's home right now, hopefully not scratching and eating everything, but she needs to make sure Fanny has room, too.
Her stomach's in knots the longer she sits here, she'd promised Yelena this morning that she'd spend the day with her, but all it's allowed for is her to fully understand her future. She's going to have to deal with Yelena at her lowest.
Have to doesn't feel right. She offered. She's willing to. It just doesn't help that the task feels monstrous.
Why does Yelena have to deal with cancer? Kate's been trying to figure it out since they found out and she's come up with no good answers. All she's figured out is that bad things happen to good people and somehow the people that actually deserve it never get it. It's bullshit.
She also can't help but think her good times for now are limited. This is one of her good times, Yelena curled into her side and head anywhere but on her cancer as she sleeps, fist curled around the fabric of Kate's hoodie. Yelena hasn't been braiding her hair recently, and Kate knows that she's scared of when it starts falling out.
She's going to miss Yelena's hair. Kate knows the hair loss is temporary, but that doesn't change that she doesn't want it to happen. She loves Yelena's blonde hair. She loves how Yelena braids it in a million different ways and enjoys it. She loves especially when Yelena leaves it down and lays against her as she is now, letting Kate play with it.
Kate knows she hasn't said it out loud yet, at least fully, that she loves Yelena. She knows she never stopped being in love with her, she wonders if it's possible to fall out of love with her, but she's yet to say it since they broke up.
She wants to, she thinks. She wants to tell Yelena and remind her that she's still loved every single waking minute of every day, even if it's insane.
It sits on the tip of her tongue as she lays here with Yelena, not even faking attention on the TV playing Grey's Anatomy.
I love you, I love you, I love you...
"You better not die," Kate ends up muttering, so quietly that she can barely hear it.
It's not what she meant to say, she knows that, but she thinks it holds the same sentiment. She doesn't know what she'll do with herself if Yelena's gone forever.
She takes a deep breath, kissing the top of Yelena's head before settling her head against the pillows, glancing absentmindedly at the TV.
At least tomorrow she'll be home. Yelena will be able to sleep in a comfortable bed, Fanny will be there, Lucky will be there, things will even themselves out even though they're a little more complicated.
That train of thought comes to a halt, though, when Yelena stirs against her side, almost squirming to wake herself up. Kate hesitates, not really wanting Yelena to wake up if she hasn't slept enough, but not wanting her to keep sleeping so restlessly.
"Lena, what's wrong?" Kate asks softly (and kind of pointlessly). She runs her hand over Yelena's exposed arm, "Babe, wake up."
Yelena's eyes flick open almost immediately, dazed and still clouded with sleep. Brokenly, she mutters out something that sounds a lot like bucket.
YOU ARE READING
till forever falls apart
Fanfictionyelena never expected to hate being right as much as she hates it now. she knew something was wrong, she told isabel, she insisted. she knew it. she just didn't expect that something to be cancer.
