Dirty (Seulrene Fanfiction)

-13-

Face yourself

As a bastard defiled by the serpent of sin, I have only ever known misery.

Misery, my unintentional companion.

Manifesting in the rawest form of pain, its fissured grasp slowly skeletons even the simplest of lives within its frigid blackness.

Because it's easy.

It's easiest to hate—to feel pain.

Love is a sweet treat everyone furtively yearns for, yet we always end up embracing the open arms of misery instead.

But I've come to realize I no longer wish to succumb to what's easy.

For my happiness, I will fight.

I deserve it.

Irene taught me that.

Irene—my guiding light through the misty darkness.

Having bloomed in the sparse garden of my life, she is the reason I've found the courage to confront my nest of trauma. Our relationship may have stemmed from obsessions and wicked desires, but now with bitterness and hatred no longer obstructing my view, I can see her so clearly.

Irene Bae.

The heinous overcoat of shame I cloaked myself in for so long was stripped away by her nurturing heart. The lonely, misguided, and fragile little girl I've shielded from the world, as well as myself, withered beneath the surface.

... Right.

It wasn't just Kyungri I'd forgotten.

She also left my consciousness.

The four-year-old Seulgi, whose first taste of rejection was that of a father whose absence charred a part of her she will never permit herself to acknowledge again.

Six-year-old Seulgi, bitterly tasting the shame of a mother she once could not bear the sight of.

Eight-year-old Seulgi—slammed with pity from a brother she wished would no longer pretend her entire existence hadn't burdened him so.

Fourteen-year-old Seulgi, damaged by a woman whose own selfish desires negated the possibility of ever experiencing true love.

Love.

I've forgotten...what it meant to love her—me.

I wonder... if I ever have?

Wandering aimlessly through this cruel world without a sense of purpose even at such an early age crushed me like a thousand bricks.

I couldn't have possibly loved myself...

How could I?

I've never felt love before.

The vacant shell I became was susceptible to the captivating influence of a beautiful stranger who swept in and dishonestly lured me with a false sense of security.

That void in my soul was filled by Kyungri's lustful web of lies.

Park Kyungri.

A false dream I thought I knew.

Sinful in appearance, deceptively charming—there was no one quite like her.

At the time, my self-worth was at its lowest, and she preyed on me because of it.