those memories flooded back into my mind in a twinkling of an eye, sending goosebumps into my andrenaline and nerves in no time. i was stunned at my place, tears rolling my cheeks as the camera flashed, capturing me and Kai together. just like how we were supposed to do in that evening. no wonder everything felt so similar, the lights, the air, the rides. and now, the photograph. it was all deja'vu.
"Kai," my voice were shaking as i called out his name. he hummed, turning his head with a smile. but it immediately turned into a frown when he saw tears and my slightly wet cheeks. he was shocked, and i was as pale as a ghost.
"Sophia, are you al-"
"you're not Kai, aren't you?" i questioned. he went silent, and by the look of his face, it's either he went completely confuse or he was debating to tell me something. something that i should know from the beginning, from five years ago when i first laid my eyes on him again at the hospital.
my first meet with Kai again after the incident was at a hospital, when all i remembered was opening my eyes to someone holding my hand right by my side. he was sitting there, hurt, guilty and emptiness written all over his face. i was laying on the bed with tubes on both my arms, and a fogged oxygen mask placed on the lower part of my face. i remember accidentally capturing his gaze towards mine by moving my slightly trembled fingers, and that surprised him. he wasted no time to hold my hands again, with hope and light in his eyes as he held them tighter. signalling he was relieved over the fact i was still alive, breathing calmly as normal people should. i remember wondering who he was, and i remember falling in love with his charming smile just like the first time again. at least that was what i thought, my first time seeing an angelic smile that came from him. never have i ever thought i've seen it before, although the deja'vu impact was getting stronger and stronger on me.
"what are you talking about, Sophia?" he asked back.
"you're not Kai," i breathed out. "you're not. not when i saw the real Kai died infront of my eyes. not when i remember sobbing, yelling like a maniac when he left me during the fire that happened here. Kai is dead 5 years ago, and i don't know who you are, but im convinced enough, you're not my Kai." i continued.
he frozed, closemouthed as he stared at me in shock.
"Sophia.." he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as soft breaths escaping from his lips.
"i am Kai." he stated.
"you're not."and i denied.
"i am. not as his real and alive self, but as a spirit.
his spirit."
the world never felt so quiet, never felt so cruel until those words came out from him. i was completely dumbfounded, lips stuttering as tears started to well up in my eyes again. it can't be. i shooked my head, refusing to accept the painful truth.
i didn't feel scared, i was just hurt. deeply, as if my whole life all this time was a lie. the fact that i could sense it, but i chose to deny it makes me hate myself more.
i looked up, and he was looking at me with the same hurt in his eyes 5 years ago, when he chose to left me at the funfair. nothing was different. it was all similar and the scene kept playing in my head, like an old caset.
Kai's eyes went blurry, and when a tear dropped, it felt like my heart was dropping too.
"Sophia," he called again, voice cracking.
"i made a promise to you. to come back. but i failed to fullfil that, and my soul refuse to leave this life until you're fully happy right in front of my two eyes. until you gain back your cheerful self, until you forget what sadness is truly are. i failed to protect you during the fire, you passed out due to the lack of oxygen as you were chasing after me. it was all my fault, Sophia. it was all mine." he poured his heart out, unpacking every feelings he's been holding for the whole five years to me.
