𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 // 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐌𝐀 𝐊

the words ill never say 45

"𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇? 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇?"

three years ago.

i sat on my bed with my laptop, well, on my lap. i sit there trying to process my thoughts and feelings. how am i supposed to describe what i was feeling and put it into a doc? rhetorical question, i know. i didn't even think this through when i decided to write a book.

i'm about two hundred pages in, when it brought me to my current events in life. telling him to wait three years for me. it's not crazy, right? another rhetorical question.

it definitely is crazy, insane even.

how do i put into words that i so desperately wanted to run away back to japan with him.

i started a new doc and titled the page "the words i'll never say"

The Words I'll Never Say
(a series of poems)

money, success, love.
that's all i've ever wanted.
i have the first two.
so why cant i have the last?

-money does not buy me love

i still think of you everyday.
your golden ish brown eyes.
your weird spiked up bed head.
i think about you everyday.
your laughter, and jokes.
i think about you everyday.
your funeral.
the grief.
the mourning.
i think about you everyday.

-my dead ex boyfriend

i've done everything.
i have the most luxurious life.
i'm rich and famous.
i have parents that are proud.
i donate to charities every week.
haven't i given enough?
after all this effort and pain, i just
want to be loved.

-when is it my turn