The Write Match // Bill Hader

Twenty-Nine

I run across the busy street, straight into the studio, checking my watch only to see that I am late. I tap my foot on the floor, waiting for the elevator to stop, and when it does, I rush to my office, sitting quickly and opening up my journal and laptop. I pretend to be typing something and my door opens.

"Ah, good morning, Meredith. I just wanted to see what ideas you're working on." Jimmy says, peeking in my door and I smile. I turn my journal around for him and point at it.

"Right now, I'm just trying to get my ideas sorted out." I tell him and he smirks at me.

"I'll be leaving early today. I have some things I need to work out. Try not to be late next time!" He smiles and I sigh. He always knows when I'm late. Why did I think this time would be different?

"Sorry!" I yell out as he closes my office door. I lay my pencil down and take a deep breath, turning my chair around to look at Hollywood Boulevard. I still hate LA, I hate Hollywood even more, but there is something nostalgic about being in the heart of Hollywood. I've been here for about three months, three months of getting used to something entirely new to me.

My apartment is close to the studio, and I made sure that the view made it worthwhile.

The first month was terrible. After I left New York, I spent a couple weeks in Connecticut. My mom felt bad, telling me that it was all going to be okay eventually and that heartbreak doesn't last forever. All of the bullshit you hear after a breakup.

We had just begun to start dating before everything came crashing down. I don't even know if we could have been considered dating. I didn't want to breakup though. I wanted him to call me, text me, anything, but he didn't.

Before I came here for good, I went back to New York where John, Seth, Kristen, and Fred threw me a going away party. I tried my best to have fun, but it was hard to do because I knew he was missing, and I had to pretend it wasn't hurting the way it did. I got to LA, I moved myself into my apartment alone. A new city, new job, and all I knew was Jimmy.

After moving, I found the coffee shop. I found myself there more often than not. Despite how pathetic, I started carrying a journal with me everywhere. Not one for work, but one for me to write my thoughts and feelings out, instead of bottling them up like before. I picked one like Bill carried before he left me, before I left him?

I went to the coffee shop every day, trying to distract myself, and listen to street noise, and that's when I met Fletcher. He always served my black coffee, bringing it to my table in the corner. He was one of the first people that I met when I moved to LA.

He noticed that I was always there alone, and he invited me to a theatre, knowing that I was new to the city, and that I should get out. The old Meredith would have politely declined, but I also wouldn't have spent my free time in a coffee shop because I didn't have any. I never would have imagined that Fletcher would have a girlfriend, but to my surprise, he does, named Rosalyn. She is one of the sweetest people I know.

John kept calling, he never misses a call. He stopping asking about Bill, but he never stopped telling me about him, where he was, and what he was doing that day. I pretended I didn't care, but I did. I still do.

I tried calling, but he never answered, and he never called back. I was hurt, but I knew it was going to happen. I hang out with Fletcher about every other day. Fletcher, Rosalyn, and I spent our time in the city, in one of our apartments, anywhere really. They've showed me around the city and brought me to his gallery.

I talk to John about Fletcher a lot because I appreciate him more than anyone else in LA, he's one of my only friends and he knows how I feel too.

I've been writing nonstop, trying to find something to fill the void and distract myself, but writing reminds me of him, there's a piece of him in everything I do now, and it pisses me off.

He can't get over himself or his own feelings, not even for a second to call me, as if I never mattered to him. I know none of it matters anymore, it doesn't because I haven't even looked at a guy, not in that way at least.

I thought that he would be with Erica, but it wasn't Erica. It was someone else, some actress I didn't know, and it hurt. Apparently, he had a fun night out. Him and John are as close as ever; they talk all the time and tell each other everything. John told me, telling me that he had a fun night, got drunk, and then regretted it. He tried to reach out to me then, but I was too mad, too selfish to answer, so I didn't. I let the call ring, and it went straight to my voicemail. Just like he did to me.

LA isn't what I thought it would be. It's not Hollywood glitz and glamor, and happiness. I did find myself though, I found who I could be, I found my potential. I'm finally happy with myself, but I don't find much happiness in what I do anymore, and that's the sad part. I do it to make other people happy. 

John hasn't come to visit yet, no one has. I miss my friends, and as much as I hate to admit it, I miss Bill too. I miss having him around, I miss him pissing me off, and all I've wondered about since I've been gone is if he's missing me too. My phone starts ringing, pulling me straight from my thoughts. I see John's name on my screen, and I answer.

"Good afternoon, Meredith." He says and I sigh.

"It's ten in the morning here." I tell him and he goes quite.

"Well, it's the afternoon here so whatever. Anyway, have you talked to Bill?" He asks and I sigh.

"No... no, I have not talked to him." I tell him and he sighs.

"Well, funny story actually. So, I'm sure you're aware that we are hard at work on the new season?" He asks and I stare at the blank wall in front of me.

"Yes, why is that funny?" I ask and he laughs nervously.

"Well, our good friend Bill is struggling to come up with anything, so um, he came to me, and then Lorne and I had an idea." He tells me slowly.

"What kind of idea, John?" I grit my teeth, knowing exactly what is about to come out of his mouth next.

"We told him that you would be available to help..." He speaks quietly and I freeze.

"You did what?" I ask and he gives another nervous laugh.

"I told him that you wanted to work with him again so... he'll be in LA soon." He spits out and I close my eyes and open them again, hoping that this conversation is just a dream.

"What?" I ask and he stays quiet for a few minutes.

"He's going to be in LA soon." He says again and I slam my hand on my desk, hoping John hears it.

"What the fuck, John! I don't want to see him, I don't want to work with him again, I don't want anything to do with him!" I lie, knowing a part of me didn't feel good about doing this, to talk to him, to see him after things ended the way they did. But another part of me is dying to see him.

"Lorne talked to Jimmy and he's fine with you taking some time to help Bill. He knows what you two are capable of and he thinks that you two make a great team. You can't say no to this, Meredith." He tells me and I pause.

"When will he be here?" I say into the phone, and he gives another nervous laugh.

"His plane landed two hours ago... so he should be there any time now." He whispers and I stand up.

"John, I'm going to beat your ass! Why couldn't you call me before now and tell me. I haven't seen him in months, or even spoken to him. This isn't something you just spring on someone!" I yell and he sighs.

"I know you would have said no, or called in sick, or told Jimmy that you didn't want to do it. You've been miserable without him, and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to make you upset. He's been miserable too, Meredith. He's hurting, he's not happy. He's been struggling and the two of you need to see each other, that's the end of it. Now, go get ready and do what you do best, write and what happens, happens." He tells me and I groan.

"Okay, fine." I mumble.

"I love you!!!!!" He says

"Whatever." I hang up and take a deep breath. Any minute now, I will get a buzz into my office, and it will be Bill. I'll be face to face with him again and I'll panic until he walks in here.