Crescendo || Steddie

Chapter 10

TW: internalized homophobia, homophobia

-Eddie's Perspective-

    Since that call, we've spent nearly every day together after school even when Steve would work or not. The days he would not he'd stay over at my house.

   Wayne was super supportive of us whenever he was home. Always offering us drinks or anything of the sort.

    I liked being able to spend this time with Steve. Instead of being alone like how I normally was, or Steve getting into trouble like he normally was, we were together. Playing Mario Kart.

   "I swear to GOD Eddie!" Steve laughed at the top of his lungs as he tried to pass me up.

   "You aren't going to beat me that easily, Harrington!" I quickly threw one of the shells I happened to have at his direction.

   "Not fair! I don't have any shells!"

   "Oh that sucks to suck, Steven." I quickly passed the finish line and dropped my controller onto my lap "I'm number one! I'm number one!"

   Steve gently placed his controller onto the coffee table and covered my mouth with both of his hands, causing me to shoot backwards by the mere force.  "Shut upp!" Steve was laughing like a mad man as I felt my cheeks practically burn off of my face.

    We stayed in this position for what felt like years. Steve just looking down at me with the widest smile and me just...looking into his beautiful eyes. Due to this, I quickly saw panic take over them as he got off of me. "Sorry...I just... is there anything you can't do?"

   I laughed back in response before shaking my head "I can't play the harp?"

  "But who can play the Harp these days?"

   "Touché..."

    Steve slouched before lifting up his phone to look at the time and gasping. "I should...probably head home. It's a school night."

   "Oh...probably." I awkwardly fiddled with my rings before getting up to walk him to the door. "It was nice...spending time with you...like always."

   Steve nodded before pulling me into a tight hug. "I feel the same way. You...are a blast to hang out with, Eddie."

   I felt my face heat up again as I reciprocated the hug.  There was the scent again. Citrus and cinnamon. The scent along with the heat of his touch practically making me melt into him. I could stay here forever.

   A small cough came from over on my right hand side. As we both turned our heads towards the noise, we saw Wayne drinking from one of his mugs and giving us an awkward wave.

    Steve quickly let go and said goodnight. He practically ran out the door and booked it away in his car.

   "You sure nothing's going on between you two?" Wayne lifted an eyebrow.

   "No...he's...he's straight."

   "That sure as hell didn't look straight to me."

-Steve's Perspective-

   Once I got home and sat down...I couldn't help but think about Eddie. All of the moments we've shared together in such a short time period. It wasn't even Halloween yet...and...

    I sighed before lifting my phone up to viewing level. I hadn't...done this before. It wasn't even guaranteed that he even had an account...but I looked up his name on Instagram.

    Surprisingly enough, he came up. I clicked onto his profile. It was mostly pictures of Corroded performing. The band that Eddie had told me about, but when I scrolled down...

eddie.thefreak_munson: Support your local choir kids. They're been taking forever to set up this time! 🙄

    Eddie...goes to my choir concerts? That's... from last year. I wasn't even in advanced choir yet. I was just in regular boys choir...and...he went? I didn't even know him...and he doesn't seem like the well...  "choir type."

   Did he come...to...support me?

   Don't be crazy. He didn't even know you! You didn't even know him!

    But why...did the feeling of him coming to...support me...make my heart feel like that?

   I slowly opened up my photos to look over the photos that me and Eddie took together. My finger clicking my favorite of them all. The blurriest picture...but one with us together. The only one. And it was one that Eddie forced us to take.

   My heart raced with the thought of being able to take more...why did...why did I want to take another?

   I slowly pulled my laptop out of my backpack to do the search that I've been...dreading. My fingers going across the keys once I had opened up Google.

  am i gay?

   Multiple answers came up. Articles, quizzes....

   Mostly negative ones popped up. Support groups for people with unsupportive parents, articles on hate crimes... possible conversion therapy.

   I knew that that was wrong...but...I'm Steve...I'm...supposed to be...someone to look up to...maybe...

   It's not even confirmed that I am.

   There's a quiz.

   I'll take the quiz.

   I answered everything as honestly as I could. Just going through like any other test. Like those Buzzfeed quizzes Robin sends me occasionally as a joke.

    Finally, I got to the end. Where the results were.

    65%

   I felt shame rise within me as I slammed my computer shut. My eyes felt like they were burning.

   I...can't be. Others can be...but not me. That's not me.

   That's not....

   That's not me.

   That's not me...

   That's not me.....

   I cried myself to sleep.

(A/N: alright this chapter is kinda based off of heartstopper I admit it)