golden boy : stozier

ten

stanley was a little ashamed to say it, but he had been crying when his phone started buzzing again. his parents had thought him asleep, but in truth his head was sitting on his desk, letting tears wet a piece of paper underneath.

and, of course, it was richie calling. stanley realized, with a little disappointment and a little masochistic joy that only richie would be calling him anyway. ben and him hadn't talked in weeks over the phone. richie hadn't stopped calling stanley since he'd learned stanley was okay with it.

"what the fuck do you want? i'm sorry." the apology left stanley's mouth like instinct. the instinct was screaming, as it always did, that stanley had ruined something. the only person who had ever dared to really seem to like having stanley around now thought he was a dick. probably, anyway.

stanley couldn't understand it sometimes, why he couldn't get better. he knew that if he just fixed whatever was wired wrong, he could maybe find something he felt worthy of. but the wires felt like dust and they fell apart in his hands every time he tried.

richie cleared his throat, like he hadn't even heard the apology, "um, i'm outside your house. uh, i have a solution to your problem. i think it'll help, anyway. just come outside. i snuck past the gate, don't worry, your parents didn't see me, i'm like a fucking snake. so... are you coming?" it sounded to stanley like richie's demeanour had changed again.

he looked around his room, then to the window, seeing richie leaning against a tree in his backyard. in a way that was the opposite of stealthy, richie saw him and waved.

"fuck you. yeah, i'll come, give me a moment," in all of his life, stanley wasn't sure he'd ever snuck out before. he was, however, pretty sure you weren't supposed to go out the front door. this did not stop stanley from doing so, slinging his keys around his neck and grabbing a coat.

as he padded through the grass, struggling to get his shoe over his heel, he saw richie walk toward him.

richie took a moment, approaching stanley. stanley grit his teeth. richie looked like nothing had happened, like he was fine. richie raised his hand, only to gently wipe the dried tear tracks on stanley's cheek. "you're allowed to be pissed off," richie said, his voice now filled with emotion. stanley let himself keep richie's hand there for a moment, enjoying the simple touch. richie had been playing tug of war with stanley's heart, but it felt so nice in the moments where stanley had control once more.

he swallowed his hurt, "i know what i can and can't be, richie." stanley batted at richie's hand on his face, smacking it off. richie put his hand back in his pocket, taking a step back. stanley felt as though he lost heat from the action, and a part of him wanted richie closer again.

"oh-kay, let me rephrase. it's okay to be annoying, stan. i already think you're cool, and wickedly smart, and i do actually think you're funny sometimes. you're allowed to be annoying. to me, and to other people, and even to your parents. and-and you're allowed to be a suck-up. so i'm sorry if what i said hurt you, but i wasn't trying to be mean. i was trying to tell you what i thought." richie said, as if it was easy. like stanley could live by richie's words for the rest of his life.

"you don't get it. you don't know my parents." stanley's eyes threatened tears again, and he looked up at the sky, as if god would put them back in. richie stepped closer to stanley, and ran a hand through stanley's hair. stanley didn't object to it, but he grit his teeth again. without warning, he pulled stanley to him, hugging him.

richie held stanley close to him, and stanley cried on his shirt. his nose ran and he didn't back away to wipe it. he couldn't decide whether he wanted to push richie away or to stay there forever. richie smelt like the beach and cologne, and richie's hand in stanley's hair scratched an itch he felt he'd been ignoring a long time.

richie's voice was sweet, kind, and stanley wondered if it was the same person at all. "i don't, you're right. but as the expert on being the annoying one in people's houses, it's not hell. it's uncomfortable sometimes, but you have to do uncomfortable things to be comfortable in normal life, i think." he stroked stanley's hair, and stanley finally pushed back.

"what a fucking philosopher," stanley pulled himself off of richie and began walking away, toward the woods connected to his backyard. richie paused for a moment before following him. richie's eyebrows were furrowed when stanley looked back, and something in his face made stanley speed up.

"y'know, i kinda like you better pissed off," richie pushed his glasses up his face as he caught up with stanley, continuing to walk into the woods. stanley, a little confused, followed him.

"oh fuck off," stanley's voice broke again, his throat sore. he sniffled. he was wiping at his face with the back of his hands.

"yeah, yeah, swear at me, i'm getting hard," richie was smirking, stanley swatting at him with his hand. he felt like a child. his tears had subsided, again leaving drying tracks on his face.

"shut up!" stanley's face felt hot.

richie laughed, looking around, "okay, here, i think we're far enough." the trees enshrouded it, but the moon was still visible. richie could make out very little but stanley's shape.

"what, are you going to kill me?" stanley scoffed, and richie kicked dirt at his shoes.

"no. fuck you." richie replied.

"what?!" the way stanley replied, you would have thought richie did in fact plan on killing him.

"no, not like that. i mean, like, fuck you!" richie emphasized the fuck this time, as if shouting to the world.

stanley's mouth hung open in shock, "what?! fuck you!" he was louder than richie, like it was a competition.

"fuck you!" the grin on richie's face was growing wider by the second.

"fuck you! what's your fucking problem!" stanley realized as he shouted what richie was trying to do and laughed a little.

"fuck you!"

"fuck you!"

richie took a big breath, "c'mon, top of your lungs now, FUCK YOU!"

"FUCK YOU!"

the two of them listened as the words echoed in the neighbourhood, then suddenly, they both doubled over laughing.

"i'm sorry," stanley said through the laughter, richie shaking his head.

"don't be. it feels good, right?" richie exhaled through a wide smile and leant back against one of the trees for back support.

"yeah."

"sometimes when i get really upset, uh, i just like to yell into the world. but it's easier with a second person. because you can yell at them. y'know?" richie nodded, looking up at the trees blocking the night sky.

"i guess i do. thanks." stanley sniffled one last time, looking up himself. he scratched back of his neck. when he looked down, he could vaguely see richie staring at him. as he caught richie's eyes, richie just grinned wider.