golden boy : stozier

thirty four

richie bounced his foot off the ground from his kitchen table, picking at a granola bar he'd unwrapped and put down in front of him. his mother, upstairs, had hardly seemed to notice him come home.

his foot bounced up until the moment the front door opened, pj standing in the doorway, her hand on the knob. she looked from the unlocked door up to richie, and richie felt his nerves skyrocket.

"you wanna get a milkshake, or something?" she offered, shyly. richie looked around, pushing his glasses up on his face. in any situation like this, he'd have ignored her. he'd have gone up to his room. but he couldn't stop thinking about stanley. he figured he owed her something.

"sure." he agreed, and stood up from the table, granola bar forgotten. he grabbed only his keys and his wallet, leaving the rest of his backpack as he followed her out the front door. as he locked the door, he murmured just loud enough for her to hear, "how'd it go?"

"that is one poor kid, i'm afraid. he reminds me of me." pj said, walking down to her car with richie trailing behind. as richie got into the passenger, pj turned the radio up a little, the car still on. "at least he's got you."

richie turned to her, unsure if what she had said was a joke. rather than asking, though, he stayed quiet. she didn't deserve to know what richie thought about stanley. she didn't deserve to know anything, not after not seeming to care for so long.

"i'm serious, you know. i would've killed to know michael in high school. it's good he has you." pj clarified for him, and shifted into drive. richie furrowed his eyebrows at her.

"percy, he's not my fucking boyfriend, i told you—" he started, pj sighing.

"that's not what i meant. i just—just someone who cares." she didn't look at him, letting his anger fester with nowhere to go in his chest. he swallowed his anger. why was she being so nice?

"okay. sure." richie turned away, and watched out the window as the houses passed by him.

"how is school going for you? i mean, do you really get detention that often?" pj changed the subject, and it occurred to richie that she was putting in more effort than his parents ever seemed to. he reluctantly would give her credit there.

"not really. i mean—yeah, but it's for stupid shit. i'm not normally the one being an asshole, i just have bad luck." he sighed, thinking about all of the forms he'd forged his parents signature on. it wasn't his fault people liked to start things with him.

"yeah." the silence sat between them for a second, then she pulled into the parking lot, "i'll pay, by the way. obviously."

"thanks." he muttered, opening his door.

as they entered the building, richie had to deliberate for far too long which milkshake to get, pj having her answer from the get go. always ready, richie hated that about her. he always took so long in everything. she was always prepared.

after they'd ordered, the two sat down, richie playing with the number sign. pj watched him, silently.

"why do you call me percy?" she asked suddenly, and richie looked up at her. she gulped.

"what?"

"mom and dad have called me pj since i came out of the womb. i don't think i can ever remember you calling me pj." her voice was uncertain, like she was scared of his answer. truth be told, he wasn't sure he had one.

"i, um, i don't know. you're a percy." he said, wishing the milkshakes would come faster so this could be over. still, he snickered a little, "strange parents they are, giving us names only not to use them."

"yeah, i don't know what's up with that," she said, leaning into the seat. richie shrugged, focusing back on the sign. she cleared her throat, "look, i'm sorry."

he looked at her, confused. they weren't words he thought she knew how to say. he knew he didn't. he'd thought it was genetic.

"you were just a kid. i shouldn't have been such a dickhead," she said, cutting herself off as someone came to intercept them, taking the sign out of richie's hands to hand them their milkshakes.

richie took a sip of his, never feeling more at a loss for words. he wasn't sure what the feeling in his chest was, but he could feel his heartbeat in his stomach and legs.

"they—mom and dad, i mean—they wanted us to compete, i think. i fell into it. i didn't mean to. and then i wanted to reach out after i moved out, but i figured you wouldn't want to hear from me, so i didn't, and then the longer it got the more i doubted myself, so i didn't. i'm sorry." she spoke in rambles, the way richie did. maybe that was genetic, he thought. he put the straw back up to his lips for a moment.

"it's okay," he said through the straw, taking another sip. she took a moment to sip her own milkshake.

"no, it's not," she said, and richie thought maybe this was rehearsed. "i want to hear about how you're doing in school, and how mom and dad are, and if you're okay." she was clearly deep in her thought, staring down at the table. maybe she just couldn't keep the eye contact.

"i'm fine," he replied, and she lifted her gaze to meet his. it was if she was observing him. he shifted uncomfortably.

"richie, you're my little brother, and i'm sorry if i ever made you think you weren't. i was just jealous." she admitted, her milkshake clutched in both her hands. he scoffed.

"you were jealous," he muttered, "try being me."

"i know. i'm sorry." she repeated herself, and richie stared into his milkshake. the anger was gone from his chest. "i didn't mean anything i said in june. i don't want to be like them. our parents."

richie could remember her yelling at him like it was yesterday, though it had almost been a year ago. they'd stood on the porch of their family home, spit flying from pj's mouth as she shouted. richie was sure he'd probably yelled back just as violently.

"it's true, though. i'm probably not gonna do anything good with my life," he said, and stirred his milkshake around.

"don't say that. you're smart." she replied, and he looked up to her doubtfully. she refused to change her expression. "tozier parents don't know shit about potential. you've got potential," she said, and he rolled his eyes.

"okay, don't get all teacher-in-a-coming-of-age movie on me," he said, taking another sip, and she laughed slightly.

"i want you to meet michael. i think you'd like him. he's nothing like me, if that helps," she went on, and he nodded a little, watching her push her hair out of her face.

"sure," he agreed, more willing than he thoughr he'd be. his knee began to bounce again.

"and i can pick you and stanley up anytime i don't have work, if you want. he can come meet michael, too, if you want." she was now the one stirring her milkshake, visibly nervous about asking richie. richie narrowed his eyes at her for a moment.

rather than snapping at her for implying he needed stanley like a support dog, he nodded again, taking another sip.

"cool." she murmured, and the two settled back into silence for a moment.