golden boy : stozier

twenty nine

"shit, i have to go to chem before lunch is over, i'll see you guys later," stanley suddenly started zipping his bag up, richie looking over in concern. bev looked over from her position wrapped by bill's arm.

"whatcha doin' there?" richie asked, stanley getting to his feet. stanley glanced at him briefly before putting his backpack on.

"advice on an ia," stanley said, and richie nodded like he really understood how ib worked (he didn't). beverly gave him a wave that it looked like stanley tried to ignore.

the moment stanley was gone, a tense silence took over the table. without mike there, richie was noticing how cold bill was being, and it was pissing him off.

bill, currently, was staring into the grains of the wood on the cafeteria table, beverly glancing to him every now and then, holding his hand as it hung over her shoulder.

for reasons richie couldn't really explain, he was gritting his teeth. he couldn't stand this, not now, when he knew he hadn't taken his medication this morning and it was far too late to take it now, and he felt so irrationally angry at bill doing fuck-all.

richie wished he'd gotten up with stanley, if only not to be here. at least it confirmed what he'd been thinking about: they weren't really great friends after all, not without stanley or mike at least.

it wasn't that they hadn't tried, it was just that richie could feel his head hurting whenever he looked in bill's direction. jesus, it had been fine. they'd been fine.

"bill, do you want to study after school today?" beverly asked, her voice concerned. richie nearly rolled his eyes, cracking his knuckles under the table to give him something to do. bill hardly acknowledged her, his hand twitching.

"i already d-d-duh-did my bio exam," bill answered, void of any emotion. his voice was icy, and yet richie felt like he was on fire.

"jesus! what is wrong with you?!" richie asked, louder than he'd intended at bill. bill snapped his head up at richie, eyebrows suddenly twisted in some kind of fury. his arm rescinded from around beverly, still saying nothing. "your girlfriend is asking you a question and you're acting as dead as your fucking brother," richie groaned, looking up at the ceiling. when he looked back down, beverly's mouth was hanging open, and bill looked like he might cry.

"how would you feel if your sibling died!? jesus, richie, why would you say that?!" beverly shrieked at him, richie shrinking as he noticed people watching them. bill put his head in his hands. he might've started to cry.

richie, his ears ringing from how angry he was, refused to back down. he might've been irrational, but it didn't matter. he shook his head, "i'm an only child."

"it doesn't matter. there's something fucking wrong in your head. go away." beverly said, her arms around bill as he slumped into his arms. richie opened his mouth, maybe to yell back at her, but instead he stood up, yanking his backpack off the ground.

"fine." he grumbled, making his way out of the cafeteria. he wanted, no, he begged the anger to disappear but it refused to let up, leading him down the hallway. he groaned into his hands, finding his locker.

he hit his head into the locker until he felt the pain overtake the anger, guilt bubbling in his chest. he hadn't been able to recognize guilt until he'd met stanley, and now the feeling was overtaking him. in a way, it felt justified to hit his head on his locker, like a punishment.

it was atoning for his sins. for lying, for being so mean, for all the people he hurt all the time, for everyth—

"what are you doing?" stanley was standing behind him, and richie jumped as he turned around. stanley furrowed his eyebrows, "jesus, you're fucking bleeding," he said, stepping forward to push up richie's hair. he narrowed his eyes at richie's forehead, and only then did richie notice how it stung.