Mickey - The View From Here - Gallavich

Happy Family Man

The after-party was held at the Alibi. Kev was trying to smooth things over with me, claiming he wanted to leave our tiff in the past. At this point, I had too much shit on my mind to still be pissed off at him. Terry hadn’t shown up yet and I was beginning to sweat.

“Tell your boyfriend to leave,” Svetlana instructed, blocking my path to a table to eat my meal.

Annoyed, I replied with fatigue, “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Howdy Doody,” she nodded toward Ian.

He sat alone at the end of the bar, fidgeting with bar nuts while he waited for me to go home with him.

“Tell him to leave or I will,” she threatened.

“Alright, fine,” I agreed, sick of dealing with this wife vs boyfriend bullshit.

I approached him. “Look, Svetlana wants you to go.”

Ian cast me a fleeting glance. “You want me to go?”

“No, I don’t want you to go,” I assured him. “But the whole thing's gonna go a lot easier if you do.”

He chuckled sadly. “For you, maybe. What about me?”

I sighed. “This really where you wanna spend your day off?”

“You’re here.”

“Give me a couple hours. I’ll meet you back at your place.”

As I started to walked away, Ian spoke up. “If you make me leave, don’t come over.”

I rounded back to him. “Why are you giving me shit, huh?”

“I'm sick of living a lie. Aren’t you?”

“I’m not lying to you,” I pointed out.

“Everyone else?” he wondered, his green eyes shining with pain.

“Who gives a shit about everybody else?” I snapped. “What fuckin’ difference does it make if I lie to them?”

“Because--" Ian slammed his fist down on the bar and stopped himself from shouting at me. Instead, he quietly spoke with venom in his voice and tears in his eyes, “because you’re not free.”

“Ian, what you and I have makes me free,” I told him with placid honesty. “Not what these assholes know.”

He hadn’t expected that, fumbling for the right words when the door flung open and my Uncle Ronnie stepped in with my father in tow.

“Look who the State of Illinois just released back into society!” Ronnie proclaimed with liquor fuelling his merry tone.

“Shit,” I whispered, turning away from Ian and away from the door to rush over to the baby.

Show him the baby. Make him think you’re a happy family man. Make him believe you, not her. Just show him the baby. Happy family man. Happy dad. Happy, straight son.

“Daddy’s home!” Terry mused, his gruff voice sending a chill down my spine and causing the rest of our party to cheer.

Liars, I thought. No one actually liked Terry, though the same could be said about me.

“Why don’t I have a beer in my hand?” he wondered, expecting my uncle to serve him like royalty. He always treated his release dates like a birthday party designed for a bratty kid. This party had nothing to do with a christening. This was for Terry.

I took Yevgeny from Svetlana, holding him for the first time. I held him close the way Svet had taught me to, studying his tiny face. I hadn’t realized that I’d never really looked at him before.

Ugly kid, I thought.

“Look at scared little boy running to daddy,” Svetlana mocked with a false sense of supiority.

“Eat me,” I spat before I put on my happy family man mask and turned around, taking Yevgeny to his “grandfather.”

“Where’s this grandson of mine I keep hearin' about?” Terry asked after a swig of beer.

“Hey,” I beamed. “Here he is, Pops.” I showed the poor kid off, pretending to be proud.

“Look at the little shit,” Terry chuckled as he took Yevgeny, my brother by blood, my son by name, and looked him over.

Svetlana filled the space between me and my father, affectionately holding onto his arm like they were the happy family she’d hoped for with me.

Happy. Happy husband. Happy dad. Keep smiling.

As I played the part I had learned to near perfection, I tried not to stare at Ian, the man I loved, heartbroken and slowly getting drunk at the bar.