The Shadows Below

Chapter Eight

Kasia.

From the truck, a helicopter, and then a desert. No information is given to me about where. I'm kept in the truck after landing and then led to a tent within another one. Inside is a bed, bedside table and adjoining washroom. Major Hawcroft - introduced himself as a Major but Hardcastle could probably give these people titles out of her arse, gives me the tour and then lays down more rules.

'You are restricted to this tent at all times. You are not allowed outside until we have our mission and parameters prepared. Your identity is restricted to myself and Hardcastle. The men here will refer to you as the asset and nothing else. Two weeks to dry out once we have the next target and from there, you do what you're here for. Once it's done, you'll get your medication and will have the full dose until we have the next target.'

'Wonderful.'

'Behave yourself. Misbehave, and you'll get points docked. For every point, your treatment here will be worse.'

'I don't doubt her creativity.'

'That's one point off.'

He doesn't leave and I'm guessing that I'm to be guarded 24/7 while I'm here. I lie down on the bed - I'm not in the mood to see how painful going up against a mountain of a major would be.

I get a tray of food delivered, along with the daily dose of my medication. A single drop of blood is suspended in the medication.

'Shake it first.'

I do and it's mixed in, like two syrups mixing. I down it in one before he can say anything more about it. The coppery taste brings that voice to the back of my head, the rage rises before it's quickly subsumed by the hit of the medication. One drop was enough to bring her to the surface. No wonder that one cow would almost unleash all that rage. The container is quickly taken away, flecks remain and I guess they don't want me to have the undiluted stuff just yet.

A few days of "good behaviour" and they bring me books. I recognise them as being from my apartment and I want to punch something. Or someone. When the drying-out period starts, the sergeant guarding me sniggers and chuckles when he has to put the tray closer.

I break his fingers when he comes back to move to take it away again. Their response is to feed me by tube and fit a catheter. Despite the food and the water, my throat itches and my head hurts, as though I'm not eating at all. I know it's the lack of blood and I want to throw up at the thought but can't. The need is there and I know how and why now. Those piles of goo, they changed my organs to want this stuff. The migraines make me dizzy.

I'm not relieved when they remove the catheter and stop feeding me by tube, it just means that they're ready to go with the first mission. I'm loaded up with the others in the helicopter. Restrained again, even though I couldn't move if I wanted to.

'It'll be the same as the cow,' the Major shouts to me. 'One of ours will give the target a cut on the neck, you do the rest.'

Same as the cow. Fuck. How can they easily forget it's a man I'm meant to be killing? Could I forget? This is the first time and it won't be the last. The waiting is the worse, they bring me off the helicopter and hide me in an empty room of the compound until my role comes. And it does come. One of the soldiers cuts the ties on my hands and nudges me forward with the butt of his gun. Get moving. He doesn't have to say it. I walk quickly, no one wants to delay this, least of all me.

Shorter hallway though and all too soon I see them. One of the men has a tranquiliser gun, ready to fire.

The target is on his knees and the cut on his neck shines brightly to me, as though it's glowing. It's pulsing, the blood is there and there is no space between me and the man who Hardcastle deemed should die like this. After two weeks, which feels like a year, the pain will be gone again. I just need to -

Blackness. The blood - his blood is in my mouth and all that pain is gone. He is in pain now and some small part of me realises that. But then I'm gone and she is in control. Her rage has returned and her hunger. And she is insatiable. All I can hear now is her satisfaction, she has her violence and her blood and she relishes the moment.

She feeds and I get to watch. One cut isn't enough and tears are made. I hear the ripping and the screams peter out as so much blood is gushing out of so many places. She was starved - I was starved and the want is strong that neither of us can stop. I see it but I'm not making them, she is and they let this happen. My senses are dulled and hers are alive and there is a moan. It came from her but it's my mouth and I want it to end.

'That's enough.' The Major. She is eager for more blood. It's dripping off her chin, on her fingers. One person wasn't enough and she turns and I see the movement, it is almost sensual.

'Never enough. You're next.' She's snarling and I'm not holding her back - I couldn't even if I knew how. The soldier with the tranquiliser fires and it's the same as before.

Not the same as the cow. Not the same.

When I come to, it's me who remembers, who sees his face. Hears those screams.

The sergeant is back in the tent with me.

'Ready for round two?'

I throw a book at him.

He just laughs. 'I saw you last night. You were a fucking freak. Sick as fuck.'

'Takes one to know one you piece of shit.'

'Careful. You could get a point off for that.'

I'm clean - I notice then. I should be covered in blood. I don't want to know how but the blood is gone.

'No more for you,' he says in a sing-song tone.

I can't get away from this turd. I take a shower, it's the only retreat I have.