And Then They Were In Love And Lost

Chapter 21

Everyone had already headed off to bed, but Clay could not get himself off the chair of the long burnt-out fire. He was having an internal struggle and was not able to escape. Having Liz home meant the world to him, but he could not do anything about it except welcome her home with open arms. There was no tearful reunion, no welcome home kiss with all the passion he felt every day.

He could not help himself but glance at her door, watching. As he slowly drank his beer, his mind started to wander, and no matter how much effort he put into his thoughts, he always made it back to her and watched her bunk room. He sat there for a moment, having an internal war inside his head as he could not help but fixate on the thought of having her home and wanting her in his arms. He knew there was a line he would need to cross if he ever wanted to move things further along with Liz, as he knew she would never step across that line. And this was where his internal debate came in full force; he could not compromise her and make things difficult for her with a relationship as she worked her ass off to get her and gain her respect. She was the first female SEAL and took guts and strength as she faced more hurdles than any male SEAL and had to prove herself time and time again to be where she is and still has to deal with a few ego-filled males ranking above her. All Clay could think about was being with her in every way, but he could not risk her and the team. If a relationship arises, they would be public within the team, and their motives and actions could be questioned. He knew the team would always support them, but if things ever went south, there could be a risk in the dynamic or their judgement could be compromised or questioned. As much as he wanted to ignore every red flag his decisions could bring and be with Liz, he always fought against himself and put her and her reputation and respect first. She was more critical of himself and his wants. His needs are more like it at this point. He craved her and needed her presence, and having her around was not enough anymore. He needed her in his arms, as he got a taste when they fell asleep together a few days ago as he held her after her nightmare. And now he was addicted.

And now his body was on autopilot, wanting to curb the craving, and soon he found himself face to face with her door and one hand hanging in the air begging to knock. He cursed his lack of willpower to give in to his cravings as he stared at his hand, ready to knock. But just as he was about to make contact with the door, he heard a soft whimper followed by a cry, and soon his hand found itself on the doorknob turning.

The sight that he saw once the door cracked open broke his heart. He winced as his eyes wandered along her bed, watching her toss around and flail up her arms as the cries got louder. At this motion, Clay was instantly in the door and making it to her bedside in three giant steps reaching out to sush her. As he bent down, her adjoining room burst open, and Trent barreled in. When someone was injured, he was always on high alert and hardly slept as he was keyed into any movement or sound from his team.

"What happened? She needs to stay still!" He whispered shouted.

"I have no idea; it must be a nightmare. I heard her and came in." Clay grimaced as he reached for her right arm to try and steady her.

Trent went around to the left side of her bed to try and grab her casted arm that was trying to claw its way out of the blankets. At the contact, Liz instantly froze up in her sleep, and they could see her eyes flutter as she was stuck within the state of her nightmare and trying to make it back to consciousness.

"Liz, hey, you're ok. I need you to calm down and stay still for me." Trent cooed as he went to try and gently shake her left shoulder. Trying to limit any jostling toward her ribs. "Liz, are you with me?"

Within seconds her eyes shot open, and she winced as her body woke up and realized the pain her movements caused. Clay was sitting on the side of her bed, holding her right hand and rubbing her with his thumb as his other hand went up to touch the side of her cheek and coax her back to reality, calming down from the high of her nightmare.