Vengeance Seized Soul (Complete)

Chapter 40

Life isn't as unfair as what we see, it actually teaches us lessons na susubok sa pasensya at tatag ng isang tao, it wakes up our delusional mind na hindi lahat ng pinlano natin sa buhay ay 'yon din ang masusunod. Kadalasan ay 'yong kasalungat pa na kahit kailan ay hindi sumagi sa isip natin ang posibilidad na maganap ay 'yon pa ang nangyayari.

We cry, regret, get tired, but still, we find the best in the worst times of our lives.

I hated my father before when he left and I even promised myself that I won't let him run into me again, kahit pa magmakaawa sa aking tanggapin ko siya but when he showed up in my house, my plan changed in split second.

"Shit," I cursed when I almost bumped my car into someone's, hindi ko napansin na may sasakyan din sa unahan ko.

My eyes were blurry as I drive my way home, sumasabay ang bigat ng pakiramdam sa aking dibdib na para bang gustong sumabog sa sobrang sakit na kinikimkim. Hindi ko na makita ng maayos ang daan na tinatahak ko, hindi ko na sigurado kung saan ako dinadala ng sarili ko. I just want to drive until I find my destination where I can feel better, where I can find peace.

All my life I've been blaming my father and hearing the whole truth from him felt so painful on my part.

Sa mga nagdaang taon ay lagi kong tinatanong ang sarili ko kung anong mali sa amin, kung ano ang nagawa namin at kung naging masama ba akong anak sa kaniya, naging masamang asawa ba si Mommy sa kaniya at bakit gano'n nalang siya kabilis na umalis, iniwan kami para sa ibang babae.

But knowing the reasons behind it made me understand everything. It cleared up my mind, it answered all the questions that I've been wanting to ask for a long time.

Vincente isn't my father, bunga lang ako ng kababuyan ng taong walang pusong nanamantala kay Mommy. And just thinking about it makes me want to shout in anger, I want to blame my real father for everything that happened in my life but I can't, I can't even find my own voice na para bang hindi ako makapagsalita.

My throat hurts, my eyes were swollen.

Huminto ako sa may tabi ng madilim na parte ng daan na kung saan walang dumadaan, I can't continue driving.

Pakiramdam ko ay mababangga ako ng wala sa oras kung magpatuloy pa ako.

I stopped the engine and rested my head on the steering wheel, doon ko na nilabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko.

"I-I hate this," I muttered as I cried my heart out.

I was sobbing loudly, I didn't think if someone might see me but I don't care anymore, I couldn't take the pain kaya kailangan kong mailabas dahil kung hindi ay baka sumabog ang dibdib ko sa bigat na dinadala.

"I j-just want to have a family,"

My loud sniffles and cries were the only noise I hear.

Sumandal ako at tumingala. Hindi alintana ang luha kong panay ang landas sa aking pisngi.

I feel so weak and tired.

"God, I want t-to be loved, too. Why is it so hard for you na ibigay sa akin 'yon? Masama ba akong tao para pagdaanan lahat nang 'to?" I questioned. "B-Bakit ang hirap maging masaya? Why is my life filled with pain, sadness and rage?"

As what I expected, no one answered. Para na akong hibang na kinakausap ang hangin.

"Am I really hard to love? D-Does anyone even love me?"

I flinched when my cellphone suddenly interrupted me. Huminga ako ng malalim bago pinunasan ang basang pisngi saka sinagot ang tawag.

"It's me, Gregor." the manly voice informed as if I asked.