there's a saying, that i'm sure i'm saying wrong
love is so short, and forgetting so long
today was one of the long days
that have been happening for
a long
long
time
we're past debating hope. we're past asking for something you've proven over and over that you don't want to give. we're past expecting you to be the person you are too scared to be.
but the whys, i haven't been able to put down so easily. why did you walk back into my life the minute i stopped caring? why did you act like you finally did care? why do i get a version of you that everyone is determined doesn't exist? i'm really tired. it's been 9 long years, and ten might be too many for this to continue.
not that i'll likely have to worry about this going forward. this silence seems like it's gonna stick for once. the phone is off the receiver, the dial tone will fade into the background, and neither of us have much use for landlines considering we don't even live at home anymore.
i guess it says a lot, that I knew to spend our last day saying goodbye. i got 8 hours, and I used them, and i wouldn't change a thing. guess some part of me knew that you were lying when you said "i'm sure we'll see each other again." you've never been sure a day in your life.
i was sure every day about you. i still am, sure. there was a you, beyond and behind all the walls, behind the pretending. you threw up mirrors and let everyone see what they wanted and i have always seen glass. i knew you and you knew it. i'm sure that the kid i met out back by the tetherball, the kid who was kind and studious and cared so much even though he didn't know how to show it, that kid wasn't just my ideals and imagination. i'm sure they're all wrong about you, that you're still kind and studious and care so much even though you don't know how to show it. that person existed. that was who you were to me, always. you will always be that to me. that is the only you i see.
and because of that, i am sure i will never see you again.
