the Devil and the Sea

15| The feeling of New

I slowly run the brush over the wall: I love the smell of the paint, I love the way the bristles of the brush glide, applying the paint evenly.

I like the feeling of new.

I look around the room, it's perfect. Only one wall remains to be painted.

I felt like painting the walls of my bedroom in a new color, as if I was going to live here forever. I'm going to break up with Ricky and so I'm setting the stage. The most reasonable thing to do would be to rent a student apartment located near the university. , But I can go to class from my home in Sitges as it's not far away.

I'll think about it later.

I keep painting the last wall, alone, because damn Ricky is gone. I only resent him because he PROMISED to help me, but he pretends to be sick, although tomorrow, despite this, he will definitely run to play football with my brother and the others. Okay, he did have a fever, but not enough to sound the alarm.

I'm not angry, just a little upset and tired. I know that you can only rely on yourself; in this world it has become so that both boys and girls are every man for himself. Most guys do not want to take responsibility, and girls are forced to adapt to this world, a world created by men for men. So where is fucking justice?

I hear the front door open and Marina enters the house. I take a break from painting the walls in my room and wrap my arms around her and offer her coffee.

Sitting on a lonely chair in a beautiful black dress, Marina watches me stubbornly finish painting the last wall - I refused her help. I could finish tomorrow, but I am absolutely sure that I will be lazy. I have to finish today despite being physically tired, because tomorrow I want to sleep in my newly-painted bedroom and not on the sofa in the living room like the last couple of days. From time to time I sip coffee from a mug while listening to Marina's story about what a cool date she went on. When Marina talks about this guy - his name is Eric - her eyes light up. I feel a little sad because I want to experience again the emotions of meeting a new person and falling in love with him.

Longing for new sensations begins to play in a new way.

I'm even jealous when I am with Ricky, who is now ignoring me. Yes, even he's around- it's always not enough for me. That's not the point, but the fact that in order to experience something new, I need to go to something other than Ricky.

Why is it that when you date someone primarily for sinful needs, you don't end up feeling love?

For some reason, when I think about it, the image of Vincent pops up in my head. Blue eyes do not leave my head, although I practically did not communicate with their owner and do not know him at all.

It always happens when you meet someone attractive, you are attracted by the unknown, the mysterious more than the one you have already studied inside and out.

I clench my jaw in annoyance: I shouldn't even think about that bespectacled man from England. I dip my brush into the paint and close my eyes, trying to make the imaginary Vincent fall back to where he came from. I need to hurry up and continue the game, because it is already the twenty-eighth of July. There is very little time left, and if I do nothing , then Vincent will smugly disappear from my life, leaving no footprints behind.

I drive the brush along the wall, I feel pacified.

I finish when the clock was almost eight o'clock in the evening.

Then, Ricky just enters the room and cheerfully remarks:

"Wow, that turned out great! You did it so fast, this color is just so cool."