the Devil and the Sea

28| Mutual sympathy

"I..." I instinctively start making an excuse that hasn't popped into my head yet, but Ricky cuts me off.

"I'd watch it - a good guy and a mean girl..." Ricky catches my eye, "you'd be bored, I'm sure." He speaks rather arrogantly.

"Are you still playing the bad boy to keep me?"

"You're wrong. I am what you made of me." Ricky grins into my mouth.

Memories of Ricky before meeting me come to mind. How sweet and innocent he was. Under my influence, he changed his hairstyle, shaved off his ridiculous mustache, and changed his clothing style. But that wasn't enough.

I had to break his heart to make him stop being naive.

When I was done, this was not enough: Ricky behaved like a puppy thrown to the mercy of fate, he kept dragging himself back to the threshold of my door and whining.

I had to make friends with him, to become an "authority". I showed him the easiest way to assert himself: the more new girls added to his list, the higher his self-esteem became. It's like a game where you had to prove yourself that you are number one.

In the end, Ricky helped me too, pulled me out of a difficult relationship. He became my mainstay when I decided to break the painful relationship with Mark Ferrer. Ho made my breakup with Mark bearable.

In some way, Ricky and I became mutually beneficial partners for each other: he helped me move on, and I helped him become what he became.

Now that we got what we wanted, is there any point in staying together? For him, apparently, yes. For me, no. Only attachment prevents me from bringing this matter to an end.

Picking me up from the ground, Ricky throws me over his shoulder and carries me back to the horizontal bar. I unconvincingly slap my hands on his buttocks in protest. He puts me on my feet, then gently wraps his fingers around my throat and bites into my lips.

"I want you right now," Ricky whispers, "let's go, let's go private," he aggressively squeezes my ass.

While I'm considering his proposal, Phil drives up to the yard in his Lexus and honks.

"Oops!" I pinch my index fingernail between my teeth and look meaningfully into Ricky's eyes, "It seems we don't have time for this." I turn my back on him sharply, knowing that my hair has hit him in the face.

"You know we don't need much time." He calls after me as I run away from him. I turn around and blow him a kiss without stopping.

I go to the house and on the way I look for Vincent, but I do not see him anywhere. Has he gone? When did this happen?

I glance at Phil's Lexus outside and am relieved to see Vincent standing with his arm resting on the car, talking to him.

Ricky circles with my brother at the wheelbarrow, ignoring me, and I seize the moment. I need to go get Santi at Joan's request. Santi is my and Joan's cousin, four years younger than me. His mother is my mother's sister, and they are very close to each other, we spend all the holidays together. I would even say that we are one big family, we just live in different houses, although our houses are a minute away from each other.

It doesn't matter that I can just call. It doesn't matter that I can get to Santi's house through the backyard, I choose the longer route, this way I create an opportunity for Vincent to hook up with me.

I go out of the yard and Phil looks at me all the time while I walk past them. Vincent says something to him, but he stops talking and turns around and also looks at me.

When I walk past with an air of importance, Vincent asks:

"Where are you going?"

I furtively smile.

"To invite a good guy to join us, come with me if you like."

I haven't stopped for a moment and keep walking, closing my eyes hoping that he will go with me. Behind my back I hear that Vincent is catching up with me and I feel his energy, I feel his enthusiasm.

When I throw a short glance in his direction, I catch him smiling, as if he was waiting for me to look.

After a few seconds, he starts starts talking:

"I really thought that you forgot what happened yesterday, but when I saw how you look at me, I realized that I was wrong." His voice sounds like he's pleased that he was wrong.

Vincent thought of me.

The image of another Vincent rises before my mind's eye again - Vincent passionately desiring me - with burning eyes, whose gaze is reserved only to me.

"I also thought you didn't remember anything." I confess. I want to know if he wants to say anything else.

"It is impossible to forget this, even if you really want to." Vincent smiles, looking somewhere ahead of him. He just glows all over.

Not wanting to kiss him is really impossible.

I catch his eye and avert my eyes.

"Are you going to that Les Casetes beach?" He looks at me questioningly whether he pronounced the name correctly, and I nod my head in the affirmative. "Or are you on a busy schedule again?" he asks playfully.

I frown at first as I digest his question, but then I remember my excuses for turning down his invitation to join them at their barbecue yesterday.

"Let's think about it," I pretend to think about something. "I don't really seem to have time." I'm joking.

"Understood." Vincent is speaking and I think he is upset.

"But I will go anyway." Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that he is looking at me and smiling again.

"It's so inconvenient to communicate with you, because your boyfriend is watching you all the time." He says after a two minute silence. Vincent looks at me like he's waiting for something. But I silently move my feet on the ground.

"Give me your phone number."

My heart skips a beat: I do not want any obligations, and even more so that Vincent has my number, and can call whenever he pleases, disturbing my peace of mind.

"What for?" I ask and follow him. We have already reached Santi's house, I open the gate and let Vincent into the yard first, and I follow.

"I want to call you, talk, maybe meet to go for a walk together?" Vincent's eyes sparkle. Insanely beautiful eyes, shamelessly using it like that.

The heart reacts too obviously to it, for me it will definitely end badly.

I understand where all this can lead, and I wave it off in a playful manner:

"Do you think I want you to pester me with calls?" I playfully ask, then turn my back on him and quickly hide behind the door of Santi's house, preventing Vincent from answering.

Vincent dind't bring back his offer for me to go with him to London. And I did not begin to admit how my fucking brain almost exploded because of this offer. Such an insignificant sentence. But it had such a profound effect on my mind.

The three of us and Santi walk back to my house, they chat about sportbikes and Santi even tries to argue that his Yamaha FZ1 Fazer is cooler than Vincent's sportbike, which is rented.

When we get back, Joan's car is running again. I deliberately slow down and leave the yard last, and see that Marina gets into the car next to Phil, and Vincent is standing next to them with the door open and looking at me in anticipation. I want to join him, and I even unconsciously step towards Phil's Lexus, but I hear Ricky's voice. I have to fight the urge, and turning away from Vincent indifferently, I walk to my brother's car and jump inside after Ricky. I look out the back window and see Vincent, echoing me, getting into Phil's car.

Vincent was waiting for me.

This damn madman really imagined that I would go with him.

The road takes a little time. Ricky hugs me and chats with Santi and Joan, and I constantly look back at the car behind.

"Don't worry, they know the way." Ricky says, and I freeze like I've been caught at the scene of a crime.

I smile at him and he smiles back.