The Good Girl's Bad Boy

Chapter 31

Hi guys new chapter! This one talks about drug use, fair warning. 

Spencer's POV

Spending time with Tyler is magical. Purely magical, I can't find another way to describe it. He is light and fun, poised, confident, and everything I am not. I didn't want to trust him or to rely on him because I hurt everyone, I always mess things up. Fallon says that's not true, and that Luke dying wasn't my fault but it was my fault. My little brother died because of a drunk driver but the only reason why he was in the car was to go home from MY dance recital. It's my fault he is dead, my mom tells me that constantly, it's my fault dad left too, he couldn't stand to look at me anymore. My mom is abusive to me, but I deserve it, I am a terrible daughter and a terrible person, I hurt everyone I come into contact with, I am a dark force, and I am so so scared that I will hurt Tyler, I don't want to hurt him or use him. I know he has troubles of his own, but I don't ask. He is hurting too, and I don't know why but his heart carries a heavy burden and I know he does the same drugs I used. God, I miss it, I miss the lightness, feeling free, and not feeling at all. I miss not thinking the most. Not thinking of the past, of my little brother Luke, not thinking about how dad left and mom hates my guts, not thinking about how much I hate myself. My dad made me promise I wouldn't fall back into old habits but that was before he left before the last pillar in the foundation of our family decided I was not worth staying. I was not worth it, not worth the time, love, or effort.

I don't realize it but I am panting, my vision is getting blurry and my hands are clammy.

"Spencer!"

Fuck he sounds worried.

"Spencer... hey listen to me, you are safe, okay? You are safe and you are okay."

I feel him place his hand over mine and I feel warm all over, but a soft warm like wrapping yourself in a blanket.

I blink a few times trying to catch my breath, but I just can't seem to do it. I can never seem to do anything right.

"Hey, we are gonna do this together okay? Inhale, hold, and exhale. Good and again." Each time he says inhale he squeezes my hand, and let's go as a exhale. Its not hard but it's a firm feeling I can focus on as we are breathing. Finally, after a few more breathing cycles I finally can calm down. Once my vision clears the first thing I see when my eyes focus is Tyler kneeling on the ground in front of me, still holding my hand and looking very concerned. He reaches for my face, and I flinch not knowing what he is going to do. He slowly places his hand on my cheek and wipes it under my eyes. Oh, I was crying.

He is looking at me concerned with his eyebrows scrunched up all adorable.

"What happened angel."

I want to cry again, I want to forget.

"Uh nothing just overwhelmed."

"Tell me." He speaks.

I'm about to say no, it's fine, don't worry about it but he gives me such a piercing look and it breaks through my walls.

"I had a little brother, Luke, he was incredible, and I love him so so much. One day when I and my mom picked him up after his soccer practice, I and Luke were fighting, I mean we were five years apart, so we were always fighting. Mom turned her head to tell me to stop arguing with Luke and at that exact moment, a drunk driver swerved and hit us. Luke was dead on the scene, and I rushed to the hospital along with my mom, I was in a coma because of the trauma caused. When I woke up my dad was so happy... but my mom couldn't even look at me! The first thing she said to me was Luke is dead and it's all your fault! And it is Tyler, Luke is dead because of me, and it should have been me that died! I wish I was dead."