Ryder

five

"Who was that?" Nico asked me the exact moment I slid inside his car, on the passenger seat, and I couldn't help but shudder at the sudden warm air that wafted through.

"No one," I replied.

Nico went silent for one second and one second only. "Didn't look like no one to me." He glanced at me and raised his brows defensively when he saw the look on my face. "Just saying. And don't you think I deserve some sort of an explanation to be dragged out of my bed at this ungodly hour?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and turned towards the window, curling against the corner of the seat and trying to make myself appear as small and as invisible as I could have. 

"That's one hell of a jacket you've got there." Nico continued with the sarcasm. "And don't think I don't smell the male cologne wafting from the confines of it. Unless you've started wearing men's cologne, Alice. It wouldn't be the most surprising thing you've ever done."

Trees zoomed past as Nico drove, the streets empty and isolated with no one around for miles. It took me a few seconds to notice that Nico was taking the long way back to the dorms and I instinctively closed my eyes shut, pulling Ryder's jacket closer to me because I still felt cold and I didn't particularly want to think about anything right now.

"Is this when you throw up? Because I would appreciate it if you give me a heads up before puking your guts out in my car." He said, and maybe it was just my imagination but he sounded a little concerned. "There's a...there might be one of those disposable bags in the trunk. Better them than the leather seats."

"I'm not going to throw up."

"Well then why the hell are you so quiet?" He exclaimed. I glanced at him and noticed the way his eyes kept darting towards me. "I'd like to know what the fuck I'm getting you out of before I get you out of it!"

"You've already gotten me out of it," I whispered.

Nico glared at me. "I haven't. I can still ask you to get out of my car and leave you here."

Here also meant this abandoned road between loads of trees and trees alone. At night. I didn't think Nico really would've done that but I still sat up a little too fast, breathed a little too deep, and felt my eyes pricking. "No...I haven't...you can't just leave me here!"

Nico looked at me and his face grew significantly alarmed. "Oh Jesus, fuck." He swerved the car to the right and stopped there along the side of the road, turning around to face me instantly. "You're crying."

It was a little funny, the absolute horror on his face, and that's precisely why the next thing that came out of my mouth was a noise somewhat between a sob and a laugh.

"And laughing, apparently." He sounded cross now, though he didn't resume starting the car and just sat there, facing me with his questioning gaze. "What's going on?"

I sniffled and wiped my cheeks with trembling fingers of both of my hands, wishing I had a rubber band.

"Is this like..."

"Soren broke up with me." The words left my lips in another shaky sob. I inhaled too fast and felt my shoulders shaking. "Or I...I think that's what happened."

The silence that followed could've been the worst of awkward silences out there.

"I see." Nico finally said though he sounded confused. "Well, I mean...I thought you guys were fine?"

I shook my head and it was all finally sinking in. I hadn't had enough wine to forget it all. The sounds of humping and the noises Soren and that mystery girl had been making behind those closed doors. I hadn't had enough wine to forget, for a moment, that there still was Saturday dinner at stake and I couldn't handle it. I won't be able to handle the words that would leave my mother's lips. Not alone, I thought. God, not alone.

"He...he..." I hiccupped and wrapped my arms around myself as if that would somehow shield me from everything. "He had a girl over at his...his apartment. He didn't know I was there but..."

"Oh."

"...but maybe I should've called him first." I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "I did. I did but he wasn't...he wasn't picking up. And then I went there and he was...fucking somebody else."

I saw Nico lean forward in my periphery and he pulled out a tissue from the glove compartment, handing it to me. I didn't take it.

"I don't understand." I cried, pressing my clammy, tear-soaked palms on either side of my face. "I don't understand what I did. I don't understand why. He couldn't have just..."

"Alice."

"You don't understand! Now I don't...don't have anyone to take with me to that stupid fucking dinner! My mom is thinking I'll bring him along but now I don't have anyone to bring along with me and she's going to be so mad at me!" I shouted, raising my hands in the air only to let them fall limp in my lap.

A beat of silence passed by--heavy silence--and I covered my face with my hands. Nico was silently staring at me. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be shouting at y-you."

Nico let me have only three more seconds to wallow in self-pity before he nudged me on the shoulder, a bit between harsh and gentle, and only when I looked up at him that he dabbed my tears with the ball of tissue in his hand.

I sniffled and tried not to hiccup so violently.

When he finally spoke, all he said was, "Well, he's an ass."

I felt all the adrenaline draining from within me. I didn't know how to feel angry. Should I stay angry at Soren when I hadn't tried as much as I should've? Why else had he done what he did? I couldn't stay angry at Soren when it must've been my fault somewhere along the way.

"I didn't deserve him anyway," I whispered, letting my gaze drift away to one of the huge trees on either side of the lone road we were on.

"Of course, you didn't." He replied. "That's what I told you earlier too. He shags everyone and anyone, and you deserve better, Alice."

I shook my head. "No, that's not what I meant. I didn't...didn't deserve him because I was technically using him." Nico gave me a perplexed look. "I just wanted a boyfriend so that my mother would stop going on at me about that issue at least. I didn't love him. Not like that. I don't...even think I know what's his favorite color."

Nico frowned to which my face must've crumpled once again since he grabbed my arm and tugged on it until he was fully and wholly hugging me. "Just so you know, if you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, Alice, that I'm willingly hugging you right now, I'll fucking dunk your head in the nearest stash of toilet water that I find."

I squeezed my eyes close and nodded, pressing my forehead to his shoulder and keeping my hands to myself even though I just wished...for one second that I could hug back. But I didn't want to make Nico more uncomfortable than I already had.

"I won't." I sniffled and another tear trickled down my cheek. "I'm sorry. And thank you."

"Oh, fuck off."

"Sorry."

"No, stop apologizing!"

"All...all right."

It was a mess. A big colossal mess, how my life had become all so suddenly.

All I'd seemed to get out of today was a broken relationship, the sorry look in Soren's eyes, and a dreadful Saturday that waited ahead for me.

At least that way, I thought, it wouldn't be so hard to forget him again--forget those blue eyes that seemed to know so much.