Ryder

thirty six

another update! yay! im sorry to be here and saying this to you guys, but the next few updates may be a little later than usual (how much late is too late, i ask u :D) because uni just keeps using me like a punching bag and the number of deadlines I've got at this point isn't even funny anymore. I'm sorry once again, I promise I'll try my hardest to update once a week or two! Xx.

[cw for this chapter: noncon acts, triggering themes]

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Bella Vita, it said in bold cursive letters above the fancy diner I stood near. Alyssa had talked a lot about it and told me plenty of times she'd like to take me out here one night, but I hadn't known we'd be here like this.

Her with Michael, and me with Soren. On a double date.

I stayed near the shadowed sidewalk, glancing at the entrance as if expecting her or Michael to barge out any second looking for me. They didn't know I was out here contemplating how dreadful this night could turn into. I'd spotted them just as they'd made their way inside and then I'd hidden behind like a coward because I was too scared to go in.

They'd be sitting and waiting at the reserved table by now. I knew that. I just couldn't make myself go inside just yet. I didn't want to go inside even though I knew I'd have to eventually.

"God," I whispered, turned around and wrapped my arms around myself. The faint hints of leather and cologne wafted from the collar of the jacket I wore--one of the many jackets I'd still not returned to Ryder--and I wondered how long I could stay here before Alyssa phoned me.

This was a bad idea. Michael was in there. I was supposed to have dinner with them both like everything was normal and perfect and fine. And Santiago would be here too--or at least I thought he'd be. He'd be here because he'd been following me and this was it--maybe my last chance. I had to go in.

Not alone, my brain begged with me. Call him. Call Ryder.

Earlier that day I'd merely texted him the address of the diner I stood before now. He hadn't seen it or replied to me. The dreadful feeling in my gut had only increased within the passing hours, telling me I should cancel out on this whole plan.

But instead of giving in and walking away from the looming diner behind me, I got my phone out and made a quick call.

It went straight to voicemail.

Worried, I placed a quick, mostly pleading message. "Hey, Ryder. I'm here at the diner. I sent you the address earlier in a text. I... Can you please call me back or, or text me? Just let me know if you'll be here or if I should tell...them that you couldn't make it?" Or maybe just tell them that you're not even Soren in the first place? I sighed. "Just let me know. I...I won't mind if you can't make it." Just please let me know.

The voicemail ended and I took a deep breath, rubbed my fingers over my left sleeve, and closed my eyes. Just for the tiniest of moments.

Maybe it'll all be fine, I tried telling myself. Maybe it'll be just fine.

I could definitely do this. It was just like all the other times I'd been with Michael and Alyssa. I'd endured years, I could go through one more night.

I had a small, strained smile on my lips by the time I made it inside the fancy diner, let one of the employees direct me towards the table Alyssa had reserved under her name, and relaxed just a little when I saw her, watched the relieved smile on her own face as she saw me.