Ryder

forty

Alice's POV

A loud, boisterous knock snapped me out of my heavy daze, my mind muffled and clouded with nothing but fog.

A fog that dimmed out everything else.

A fog that held me in its clutches, strong and warm and draining. I felt drained. I didn't want to get out of my bed and from under the pile of quilts that were draped over me.

The knocking ensued. "Alice, open up before I break this thing down!" An angry voice followed, trying to sneak past the wariness in my chest. "I know you're in there. I'm not leaving until you open the door!"

I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled a thick, scratchy quilt further over my head, trying to ward myself from any noise and every intrusion. It made it harder to breathe but the heavy weight over my heart was already there, ever since I'd left Ryder's penthouse and found my way here, and it wasn't going away. I was fine as long as I was here and hidden under the heavy pile of quilts.

"Alice!" Nico shouted again and I flinched, the bed creaking a little below me. "Alice, people are giving me looks, for fuck's sake open the fucking door!"

Go away, I wanted to say. But I didn't have the energy. My throat felt dry. My bones felt heavy. I didn't want to get up and walk to the end of my dorm room, stare at the empty space Brooke used to occupy, and open the door to a dangerous onslaught of light.

I didn't want to get up. I was exhausted.

"Alice--" he broke off and I heard someone else speaking to him outside. Closing my eyes again, I pretended I couldn't hear them. After a while, it was almost as if Nico hadn't been there in the first place.

I was proved wrong about that when there was a jingle of my locked door knob, a key being rattled until it turned, and the door was thrown open.

"Alice." Nico gritted out. Silence ensued. I gripped the edges of the quilt closer to me. The door was closed shut and then the silence continued. "Fucking hell. What the hell's going on?"

There were footsteps, curtains being drawn apart in a loud swish, and then one by one the quilts were snatched away from me.

"Alice." Nico didn't sound so angry anymore. He sounded confused as he loomed over me.

I blinked, grimaced at the harsh light, and tried to sit up. Everything wobbled until I pressed my back to the pillow behind me.

Nico stared at me with a worried crease between his brows. It wasn't--I could vaguely register in my brain that I'd never seen him look so concerned before.

"I..." I said and grimaced at the dry taste in my mouth. "I'm tired. Just let me sleep."

He placed his gloved hands on his hips. "Why? You look like death walked all over you. You've been in here for days, Alice! You haven't gotten out of your dorm in three days! Have you been in your bed this whole time?"

Three days, my mind registered sluggishly. I swallowed and pulled up my knees to my chest, sniffed and grimaced again because I hadn't taken a shower and I really needed one. I felt hot and cold all over. I just felt so exhausted.

I'd been here for three whole days? I found myself wondering. I didn't know. I hadn't noticed. All I knew was that I didn't want to get up, didn't have the energy to explain. Because there was so much that was wrong and I wanted it all to just stop.

I looked up, watched Nico do a one-eighty and start picking up my clothes from the floor. Clothes that I remembered pulling out of the closet, all anxious and worried, letting my shirts and scarves and dresses clutter on the floor in a heap because I'd thought I'd get them tidy when I came back--I'd thought I would come back from that double date with Alyssa and Michael and Ryder. I just hadn't realized how badly the night would turn into.