Secret admirer || Pansmione || texting/pov

15

She forced me backwards slowly until I hit the wall. Her body pressed against mine and she rested her left hand on my jaw, so our rhythm matched. I felt her warmth through her clothes, while her hand was cold on my face.

Ginny pulled back to breathe for a second and pressed forward again, a bit harder this time. I was frozen, but in a good way. I wanted to stop this, but also really didn't. Ginny's right hand had travelled to my waist under my shirt, and she squeezed slightly. It send shivers down my spine. I found my hands moving to her face and the back of her head.

This was something new, something different, something that felt... right. It made so much sense in the moment. This felt right. But it was so wrong. This was a girl. I was kissing a girl. And not just any girl, my best friend's sister. The best friend that kissed me just yesterday.

The thought knocked some sense into me and I pushed Ginny away. We were both breathing heavily, looking into each other's eyes. I held a hand through my hair and averted my gaze to the floor. My cheeks felt as if they were on fire, and I didn't know exactly what to do with this feeling inside me.

Ginny's cheeks were flushed, and her mouth was slightly open. She seemed to be processing what'd just happened as well. We stood in an uncomfortable silence, and bit too close together. I was afraid she would lean in and kiss me again, because I would let her.

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry. I know this isn't your... thing, but I just...," Ginny bit her lip. "I'm sorry." I swallowed and shook my head. "No... it's not that, it's just that you're—"

"A girl?"

"No, not that. You're Ginny. You're... my friend, my best friend's sister. This is just wrong..." I looked up at her again and she frowned to herself, nodding. "So, it's not that I'm a girl, but it's that I'm me?"

I hesitated. "...Yes?"

Ginny bit the inside of her cheek, turned around and went to sit down on her bed. I watched her. I felt dizzy, lightheaded, somewhat nauseous. This was... something different... but it was... wow. I didn't know how to feel about it. I love Ginny, definitely not like that, though. She was... soft? Kissing her didn't feel kinda disgusting like kissing a boy did. For the first time, I felt as if I wasn't putting up an act. It was weird, sure, but a good weird. Maybe it's...

Oh my god.

Am I gay?

No, I can't be. I just can't. What would Harry and Ron think? What would my parents think? My highly religious, anti-homosexuals parents. They'd be so disappointed in me... It's always been so important to them that I'm perfect. They'll throw me out... maybe they'll send me to a conversion camp, or something like that! They can never know.

What am I even worrying about? I'm not even gay, that's such a stupid thought. Just because I kissed a girl and kinda liked it doesn't mean that I'm a lesbian. The act of kissing doesn't mean anything anyways. It's just a thing you do to show someone you love them; you don't have to like it. Everything's fine. Everything's just...

I was pulled from my thoughts by hearing Ginny sobbing again. She'd buried her face in her hands and was leaning her elbows on her knees. I hesitated, but realised that this girl in front of me was still my friend.

I sat down beside Ginny and rubbed her back as she cried.

"Just *snif* please... please don't *snif* tell anyone." She managed to say in between sobs. I frowned, took her arm and squeezed it slightly. Ginny looked at me. She was trying to stop crying, but she couldn't quite stop making the weird hiccup noises. Her eyes were all red and puffy.

I sighed. "I would never do that to you, Ginny."

She smiled, sniffed and wiped her face with her sleeve. Then she chuckled and shook her head.

"So, is it me or girls in general?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Ginny laughed watery. "Both, I suppose," She replied. She looked up at me. "You're always so kind to me, to everyone for that matter. The summer of the World Cup, when we slept in the same room, we became really great friends, but it felt different than any other friend I'd ever had,"

All throughout my third year I fell deeper, but I really tried to keep it down. But then you came over last summer, and I knew I wasn't going to get over this."

You'd be surprised

"I'm— I'm really sorry if I.. led you on somehow." "No! You didn't, you were just being friendly. I'm the one who made it weird..." Ginny muttered. She looked away.

I frowned. "It's not weird," I said. Ginny frowned as well and looked back towards me. "It's not weird to develop a crush during high school. Almost everyone does." Ginny nodded and smiled. "So we're okay?"

"As long as we can stay friends, we're just fine."

——————

So, it's been over a month. I'm really sorry about that.
Some things came up. I'm not going to explain.
I hope you liked this chapter! I wonder what happens next~