It's only drugs

My knees stopped working

Short but revolutionary

TW; underaged drinking, underaged smoking and drug use (weed to be specific) 

(Wordcount; 2400)

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Boris has made me go insane. I already have thousands of thoughts in my head, half of which are about him. The way it feels when we're pressed together, the look on his face when he's concentrated, his enthusiastic manner about literally everything, the intelligence that takes him over when talking Ukrainian, the way he holds his cigarette (or rather his hands), anytime we've been even remotely close together. It's all swirling around in my head like a tornado. Barely leaving any space for me to think straight.

And then comes the despair. he doesn't like me back, he isn't gay at all, he won't ever look at me and think the thoughts I think, he's my friend, my best friend. I won't ever ask him anything that might make him think differently of me. He can't and he won't.

So the night Val and I get home, our parents still furious as ever, I take a vow to never face these feelings again. I'll push them way down and I'll keep myself busy so these thoughts can never form ever again. And I even thought that was going to be an easy task. Well jokes on me because the moment I see Boris, that vow basically goes straight out the window. The thoughts come bursting out from me and I'm beaming. I even feel like I look too loud.

I take a sip from his beer when he offers me, let him put a cigarette between my lips, keep my hand in place when he accidentally touches it, listen to him tell his stories and even let myself memorize his face.

It's stupid, but it's really hard to be just friends with somebody you've fallen in love with.

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"D'you like Boris" I and Val were hanging out by our pool. We had just gotten home from the strip with Boris and Theo and decided to go home. "How the fuck do you know?" I'm frowning at her, but really I'm petrified. Am I being that obvious?

"Well, I am your sister, Leo. Things don't just pass me. Also, I have a nick for gay people and guess what? Boris is gay as fuck and he likes you back" Val is saying it like it's common sense and not the funniest thing ever. I burst out laughing. "That's a fucking lie. You can't just say stuff like that, Val" I'm avoiding eye contact. I want to cry.

"Leo, look at me-" I look up "-I'm going to say something and you are going to listen and you will process this information and keep it, just in case. All right?" Not waiting for my answer she immediately goes on "Boris. Likes. You!" "All right" I mumble. I get up and walk inside. 

"Leo, come on. You can't run away from your feelings!" Valerie shouts after me. I know I should probably listen to her, but I can't. What if she's wrong? What if I lose my best friend for nothing? Just because I like him? It feels much too selfish. And what about everything else? Boris is going to move again someday. What about his dad? Bet he's not all too pro-homo. 

I take a long cold shower and fall asleep as soon as get in bed.

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Christmas Eve might've been the best night of my life. Boris, Theo, Val and I spend the entire night running around the strip. Staring at the neon waterfalls and, on my part, staring at Boris his face glowing in the flashing red and gold lights. Theo's dad gave him a shit ton of money to go out and eat somewhere. We choose this place where they had these opera singers all dressed up.

We went feral. I'm pretty sure Boris ordered every meat on the menu and Val every pasta dish. I ordered an extra large pizza. Each slice is bigger than my face. I didn't eat it all, but it was really fucking good. We all ordered pumpkin pie and fig ice cream for dessert. I felt like I was gonna burst, but it was the best I'd eaten in a long while. Living off of strawberries and microwave-heated pancakes for the last 4 months had really taken its toll on me.