Agent 38: I Never Forgot You

Chapter 23: Unease

     A gentle, cold hand woke him up, accompanied with the soft whisper of Sarai's voice in his ear, quietly calling his name. He could feel her fingers running through his hair and blearily opened his eyes, tilting his head to look at her.
     She grinned. "We're home. C'mon."
     Alex groaned, burying his face in her shoulder. "Do I have to get up?"
     "You slept until noon today," Sarai argued, playfully flicking the side of his head. "There's no way you can still be tired. Besides, you've gotten at least 2 shades paler since we got in the car, so we have to clean up that wound on your chest."
     He sighed, unbuckled his seatbelt, and pushed open the door. The sun was still high in the sky, beaming with too-bright-light that he did not appreciate at all, and Sarai got out of the car behind him. After saying their good-byes to Aaron, she nudged him forward and they started up the stairs to get to the apartment.
     Alex didn't realize they'd gotten to the door until Sarai tapped his shoulder and gently pushed him inside. He'd been too busy thinking about how, maybe an hour earlier, he'd nearly killed someone. Sarai sat him down on one of the stools in front of the counter and left to get the first aid kit.
     He glanced down at his hands, blinking fast. I could've ended someone's life. Gabriel's life. I could've killed the brother of my love, my future brother-in-law. He shivered. I was going to. The thought slowly sunk in, chills of unease sliding down his back.
     I was going to kill someone.
     "Hey," Sarai's voice broke through his thoughts as she sat down on the stool in front of him. "You ok?"
     He hesitated for a second. "Yeah, I'm fine." Even to his ears it sounded like a lie, so he knew she'd see right through it.
     "Tell me the truth. What's wrong?"
     Alex glanced at his hands again, those hands that suddenly didn't seem like they were his. Except this time, they were, and he didn't have the excuse of Tartar's presence to justify his actions. And although Gabriel had already hurt him so much, that still wasn't an excuse to hurt him back. Nothing was.
     But, somehow, the thought of being able to do that with his own two hands was, oddly enough... empowering. And that scared him, because the only thing that had stopped him was Aaron. Had he not been there in time, well. He didn't want to think about it. And it wasn't the fact that he was able to hurt people that scared him, he'd always been able to, anybody could. It was the fact that he had been willing to do so, as though self control hadn't existed in that one moment.
     If his friends were the only thing that could hold him back, what would happen if they weren't there? If he couldn't control himself? What then? If that's what would happen every time he got angry, how long would it take for his friends to be unable to stop him? If he went out of control?
     "Alex?" Sarai, again, burst through his train of thought. "What's wrong? Tell me."
     "I just.." He let out a breath. "I don't want to be that aggressive, constantly angry kid I used to be. I don't want to always be violent. I thought I stopped that a while ago, but turns out I didn't." Alex lifted his gaze, meeting her eyes, and opened his mouth to speak. But nothing came out.
     Sarai reached over and took hold of his hands. "But you did. You're not that guy anymore."
     "But I am!" He cried. "Just a few hours ago, I was about to kill someone! Your brother! Aaron was the only thing that stopped me! Had he not been there, I-"  Alex pulled his hands away with a shudder. "Your brother would be dead if Aaron hadn't gotten there in time."
     She paused, her eyes drifting to his hands. He could see the concern in her face, how the wariness was slipping into her thoughts. After a moment, she looked back up at him. "You don't know that. I know you, Alex. You wouldn't. Never in a million years. I know you wouldn't because you're our captain. This is gonna sound very cheesy, but you're a force of good. We all are. So even if you had decided to take the more violent option, I know you would've stopped, because you know where the line between right and wrong sits."
     Alex looked down, doubtful, and after a moment, Sarai hugged him.
     "I'm scared." He said softly.
     For a second, she didn't respond. "Of what?"
     "Myself." They both fell silent for a while. "Can you promise me, please, if you ever see me turning into that type of guy again, you'll slap me as hard as you possibly can until I stop?"
     Sarai let out a laugh, pulling away. "Of course." She looked down at her shirt, which now had a thin line of green ink on it, and sighed. "Dangit."
     "Sorry." He reached over and grabbed the first aid kit, fumbling the clip to open it. His hands were trembling, ever so slightly, and he hoped Sarai wouldn't notice, but of course, she did. She took the kit from his hands and grabbed the antiseptic, cotton swabs, and an absurdly sized bandage.
     "How do we have all these things in this kit?" She said with a laugh. "We've had the same one for years now, where do all these supplies come from?"
     "I restock it every now and then," He explained as she pulled a cotton swab from the package and unscrewed the cap from the antiseptic. "Aaron gives me all of what's in there."
     "Why? Where does he get it from?"
     "You know what? I actually don't know."
     Alex took off the jacket which, at that point, was stained with lime green ink. The black undershirt was worse, but Sarai stopped him before he took it off.
     "What are you doing?" She asked, brows raised.
     "Uh.. taking off my shirt so you can clean the cut?" He responded.
     "You can leave it on," She said. "The blade left enough of a hole for me to be able to work through it."
     "Yeah, sure, but I don't want it getting infected if the dirty fabric touches it."
     "Just leave it on."
     "Why? Too much for you?" He teased.
     "No! Not- it's just awkward, alright?"
     "It's only awkward if you make it awkward."
     "Well, I'm making it awkward."
     "I can do it myself, if you want."
     "I don't trust you to do it yourself."
     "Why not?"
     "Because I've seen your sense of self-preservation lately, and I'm not sure I trust that either. You'd do it too sloppily."
     "Either way, if I do it or you do, I'm gonna take my shirt off."
     She let out a long, drawn-out sigh. "Fine."
     Alex grabbed the ends of the shirt and cautiously lifted it over his head, careful not to get it caught on the wound. He winced as he lifted his arms over his head. When he looked up, Sarai had her eyes glued to the cotton swab as she poured out a bit of the antiseptic on it. When she finished that, she looked over at the shirt in his hands, which, even though it was black, was still visibly stained with ink.
     "You're not gonna put that shirt back on when I'm done, right?" She asked. "It's filthy."
     "Obviously not."
     "Good." She still didn't look up.
     "Oh, come on. It's really not a big deal. You've seen me without a shirt before."
     "Yeah, years ago, when this-" She pointed at herself and then at him, meeting his eyes. "-was a thing. Remember when we kissed for the first time, how Aaron walked in and we were both really embarrassed? Imagine if he walked through that door right now and saw this."
     "Well, yeah, that would be awkward."
     "That's what I'm saying! There's always a chance, y'know?"
     Sarai paused, her eyes slowly drifting down his torso, filling with an odd mix of confusion and curiosity. She reached out, hesitated, and then lightly brushed one of the many scars he had. "Jeez. How on earth did you get so many? Are you always fighting everyone shirtless or what?"
     Alex laughed. "No. I got into fights a lot, though, as you can probably assume, both before and after I was recruited as Agent 3."
     She lingered on the scars for a while longer, her eyes seemingly tracing every little blemish, before she picked up the cotton swab and gently placed a hand near his collarbone to keep him from moving.
     "This might hurt a little," She said, and without any further warning, began softly swiping at the wound.
     It stung enough to make him wince, and he quietly drew in a sharp breath. Sarai stopped for a second, then kept going since he didn't say anything. She folded over the swab a few times and poured on just a tad more antiseptic, and finished by sticking on the dramatically large bandage.
     "There," She sighed, patting his shoulder. "Now go put a shirt on."
     He laughed. "Thanks."
     "Anytime. Just, please, for the love of cod, stop throwing yourself into dangerous situations?"
     He stood up and walked to the bedroom. "If it means protecting you, then I make no such promises."
     Alex grabbed a dull gray shirt and slipped it on, the wound on his chest still throbbing a little. When he came back, Sarai was tucking away the things she had used with a concerned expression.
     "What's up?" He asked. "You look worried."
     "Just thinking." She said.
     "About what?"
     "Maybe... no, it's a stupid idea."
     "Tell me."
     She hesitated for a long moment. "I miss him. My brother. I've been thinking for a few days now, and I'm gonna go find him." Sarai met his eyes. "I know you won't believe me no matter what I say, but I know he has good in him. I know it. If I could just find him and talk to him, I could get him to join us again. I could get him to stop trying to kill you, to stop being so angry all the time. I know I can."
     "I'm gonna be blunt with you," He sighed. "I am seriously against that idea, and quite honestly, I do not think it's a good one. Your brother has tried to kill me, like, 3 times within the span of 2 months, and he absolutely seems crazy enough to try and kill you, too. There is no way in hell we're gonna go find your brother again, because every time we come back from an encounter with him, one or all of us is injured."
     "Alex, he's my brother." Sarai argued. "He wouldn't hurt me."
     He raised his brows at her and she looked away, because they both knew that Gabriel already had intentionally injured his own sister. "You can't go find him. Not again."
     "Well, you can't tell me what I can and can't do." She shot. "He's the only family I have left, is it so wrong for me to want to have him in my life?"
     "Yes!" Alex cried. "He cut you up and hurt our friends! And don't even get me started on what he did to me. He's dangerous and needs to be left alone."
     "But he's my broth-!"
     "Your brother is an absolute imbecile, alright? He's done so much to hurt the Splatoon as a whole, and I can't let you go running off to find him and risk your life again! You could've died from what he did to you last time." He took her hands in his. "Please don't go. I don't wanna run the risk of losing you again."
     Sarai stopped, her features slowly shifting to understanding. After a long moment, she gave his hands a reassuring squeeze. "Alright. I'll stay."
     He wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe that she wasn't lying, that she truly meant her words.
     But as she got up and walked away, he couldn't help but get this sinking feeling in his stomach, telling him that something wasn't right.

this took so long eugh
sorry for the awkward release
have a good day gamers
Word count: 2069